One of the biggest story making the rounds in Nigeria media today is that of a very talented gospel singer who recently passed away or should I say was recently murdered. We are talking about a woman with so much potential, a blessed voice, with an amazing mastery of vocals, rhyme and rhythms.
Her ability to use the words of her mouth to make a connection between one and the spirit was quite splendid, and all of those are now gone with her, to the land where there's no music, the land of the dead. She'll be missed no doubt, but she's not making the news for her talent that would be missed but rather the circumstances surrounding her death.
The first news I heard about her death claimed she passed away after having battled with cancer for a while, but that narrative was quickly dismissed when it emerged that the woman actually died from wounds she sustained at the hands of her husband, basically she was beaten to her death by her husband. While this would be tragic to happen to anyone, it's even more tragic that it would happen to a woman who was poised to do great things for the christian faith.
As soon as the news broke that she died at the hands of her husband, all of the cats were been let out of the bag from every direction. Everybody that ever knew her or had any form of relationship with her had something to report about what's been going on in her marriage. Apparently, she's been suffering all sort of abuse, be it physical, emotional, psychological, financial and so on, and ever so often too. The husband abused her so much that he occasionally ordered the children to flog her and they did because they feared he will beat them too if they didn't comply.
All her earnings from her music career were been confiscated and controlled by the husband and even the cars she got as gifts were been used by the husband, while he was forcing her to either trek or use public transportation. I couldn't help but ask, how on God's planet earth is this a marriage? This is slavery in its height. Why did she allow all this?
There's No Room For Divorce
Her family and friends claim that while she was going through all this, they advised her to leave the marriage, but she said that her faith doesn't allow divorce, that there's no room for divorce in Christianity. When I heard this, I felt even more sorry for her, because I know how much this sick doctrine is been preached by Nigerian pastors.
When a woman comes to them with grievances about her marriage, it's either the bad elements take advantage of them or the supposedly good ones tell them to pray to God about it while remaining in the marriage, no matter how hellish and dangerous it has become for them. This is a known fact, that almost all Nigerian pastors preach the doctrine of no room for divorce and when a suffering and abused woman go against it, they are ostracised and shamed in the church both directly and indirectly.
This has led to a situation where christian women especially, are forced to stay in abusive relationship, even when it's become seriously dangerous. Now she's dead, and all of the people who told her there's no room for divorce are still alive, and I hope Karma catches up with them as they are party to the evil that has been done to her
Only Your Life, Health And Happiness Matters
I really don't get how in this age and time, women will stay tolerate staying in a relationship that's any bit abusive. Gone are the day when what people thought about you mattered. They aren't feeding you and they most certainly aren't going to live your life for you. While then do you care what their opinion of you is? Why then does it matter what they think of the things you do to get your peace of mind and happiness? The same very people who would have ridicule her for leaving the marriage are still the ones blaming her for not leaving now that she's dead.
People will always talk regardless, hence they should be paid little attention. Your life and happiness should be your first priority. You should give up any of that just because of what people might say; let them say, that's the worse they can do. At the end of the day,when you've left that abusive relationship and picked up the pieces of your life, those same set of people will still be the ones coming to praise you for your bold decision and action.
Dear ladies out there, marriage and relationship is not by force, neither is it a do or die affair; it's not even an achievement as some people will like to portray it. If your marriage is becoming abusive, get out of it ASAP, before it gets dangerous and someone gets hurt. If your marriage is already abusive, my dear get out and seek help from appropriate quarters and majority of the time, this doesn't include family nor friends. There are organisations and NGOs that deal with this kind of things, seek help, talk to somebody who is willing to listen.
If you're in a relationship, better do your due diligence before taking it to the next level, which is marriage, so that you'll not marry into h*ll. Know your partner well. The truth is some of these abusive behavior appear fully over time, but another truth is that it doesn't just start overnight. If you're with an abusive partner, the signs and red flags will be there for you to see, do not ignore them, for the sake of your life, happiness and those of your future kids. Save yourself!!
Image credit: Lead image by Kev Kombs https://unsplash.com/@kevkombs
Thanks for your time, as always folks...
This is so painful we will ever miss her and everything about her, but my question is why would people keep on forcing their selves on what does not bring happiness to them in other to entice other people and denied themselves of their right, they're so many things I wouldn't overlooked if I tried my best to stay in a relationship or marriage and then I realized that this marriage is something that will not give me peace friends i am resigning, count me out there's no amount of patient that will make a man or a woman to change from the person she was, rather it will be instead of changing she will do the more.