About two years back, I was visiting my brother who was living alone in Kerala for his studies. He was facing severe physical distress and had no one to look after. My parents were dead worried for his life. They sent me there to take care of him.
Lots of shouting and screaming were involved at home. The overall environment in my family was unpleasant and disturbing.
It was around the time I was being bullied by a senior at the office. There was no point in making a complaint, the managers were aware of her acts. A break from the office environment would do me good; I thought. It was a zugzwang.
My boyfriend (ex now), the only person I could lean on, and talk about these things decided it was an excellent time to discontinue our relationship.
He wasn't a pleasant company, to begin with. My wavering mental health had become truly a reflection, a consequence of a terrible company. I absorbed his traits completely. I swallowed his arrogance, and became an arrogant person, I learned about self-pity and wallowed in self-pity. We are strongly influenced by the people we keep, and it was really time to say goodbye.
But I wasn't ready.
A culmination of everything happening to me and around me made me unstable. I was very close to having a panic attack. Since I couldn't cry in the presence of my brother, I went to take a shower.
When you're showering, it gives you time to do a lot of thinking, self-reflection, and studying the circumstances. Within minutes I broke down.
Sometimes, life shoots all the arrows at once. With every breath, it was difficult for me to dodge them. I didn't know why I was put in this situation. I was consumed by negative thoughts. You know the kind.
It was a long shower. I remember sitting on the floor while the water ran through me. I vividly remember the design on the tile I was staring at but I didn't know what to do.
I came out wearing my favorite denim skirt, stared at our dinner sitting on the table, and without uttering a word, I left the room. Fresh air would do me good.
It was around 9 in the evening. They have a large campus, and lot's of students around.
I wasn't really thinking of what to do now. In times like these, you do not think straight. I was strolling around and reached the library. I was overwhelmed by the large bookshelves and the collection of books.
(Picture taken from Upsplash, the caption feature don't work on my computer)
I found a copy of Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul. That was the only copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul in the library. I needed something to keep my mind from the negative thoughts. I had read Chicken Soup for the Soul: Older & Wiser in the past. So I had an idea of what's inside. A sense of familiarity made me feel safer and brought me comfort.
I found a quiet place to sit and read straight for 4 hours. I was not distracted by anything. I was out in public, everyone saw me, but I saw no one. It was now 1 in the morning and it was getting cold, so I went back to the hostel.
When I went back to the room, the automatic lock had done its thing. I realized that while leaving the room, I had pulled the door in a fashion that had locked it.
I was out with no means of getting in. The door could be only opened from inside. My brother was sound asleep. I had no mobile phone either. I knocked a couple of times and left.
I am not new to being left out of the room/house while my brother is sleeping inside. (Reference is being made to my other article- One Human Day).
He was on medicines, so I had no reason to complain.
I was hungry, so I went to the night canteen grabbed some instant noodles. The night canteen was lively, lot's of college students around creating a ruckus. I left to find a quiet spot and continued reading.
It was now around 4 in the morning and I was through reading the book. I went back to the room, knocked; yet, no answer.
I went back to the night canteen, ate some sandwiches. I was now furiously reading the cover from end to end. I was reading the author's notes. I was reading the acknowledgments. Any possible word on the book, I read. Chicken Soup for the Soul kept me company the dreadful night.
The library opens as early as 5:30 in the morning; I returned the book, thanked the librarian, and left.
(A picture of the college campus during the day.)
The Sun was coming up. Sometimes, you just look up at the sky and pray for it all to be over.
A year later, my brother bought a copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul for sleeping in early that night.
You see, I am not a writer. I am a storyteller, and often, my tales are 9 hours long with a read time of only 5 minutes, but, that night, it left an impact on me.
Let's thank my sponsors for believing in me. You guys are the best:)!
This is why you deserve sponsorship on here. 👍👍👍 I'm surprised no one ever bothered you while reading outside until late at night. At least it was safe enough since you're inside a campus. 😅
Lol to be locked out of where you're living/staying is such an experience. Good thing you had money in your pocket/wallet. 😆