The first month is about to end, look how fast the time flies. Woah! It seems like we're just celebrating the New Year but now, Valentines is about to come. The weather seems not okay with me as I feel the heat though I'm inside the house. I don't like the feeling of the hotness as I feel difficulties in breathing where I feel I'm suffocated.
Have you come to the point that you felt worthless? Where things you do doesn't seem to be okay? The effort you exert isn't enough? Well, if you do, I just wanna remind you deserve to be taken good care of, you deserve to be loved and respected. You are beautiful in your own way, this might be the wrong time but if the right will come, you will surely be the brighter star among them. Look how far you've done. You did it dear! Keep fighting! Laban lang everything will be fine soon.
I was here lying in the bed while trying to reminisce about what I did wrong to deserve such pain. I was trying my best to be a good woman to everyone but how comes the happiness I want turns into sadness. I want to fall asleep as my head starts to feel too much pressure. I want to be out in this world for once, where I can forget all the torment I'm into. I'm literally tired of staying in my room while letting my tears fall down into the pillow.
Music is my companion when I don't feel okay at all. It's like making me relax for once but how much I tried I just can't. I even tried to change my position many times but still my soul is awake. I might be closing my eyes but I definitely know what's happening outside my room. Slow and soft music is what I need in order for me to let everything out from my heart. The pain? I wish it's easy as I thought but it's not.
Over and over I keep on thinking what move I did that turns out to be a mistake. Is it because I'm not being obedient?Or is it just that I deserve what I tolerate? Well, maybe that's it, I deserve that I tolerate myself to do this and that, without thinking about the outcome. Is it a mistake to be happy for once? I mean can I be the happiest woman alive without thinking of the consequences? Can I be a woman who only wants what's best? Ow! I guess I can't.
Keep pushing myself to the limit just to make everything happen according to plan. A happiest day of life but now turns into a nightmare. I'm stuck now, I can breathe but I can't move. I want to blame myself for being in this situation. Can anyone be my saviour at this time? Ow! never mind I don't want to be a burden, I'm okay and I'm trying.
Accept is this what I need to do? Accept that I made mistakes, accept what the outcome is? Well, I think I only have two choices whether to accept or quit. If I accept then it means I deserve what I feel right now and if I quit then maybe I can hurt someone, right? I don't even want to be in a situation where my family knows I'm quitting, I don't want them to be worried as I always say their happiness means a lot to me.
Yes! I'm okay! I'm totally okay with everything. Pain? I guess my heart is numb already to feel that. Nakaka manhid yung feeling na laging ganon nalang. I'm tired but I'm fighting, not just for me but for the people who trust me.
My apologies for the negative vibes today. If you're going through something right now, feel free to contact me. I'm a good listener ❤️
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Tight huuuuugs Probinsyana. 🤗 It has been 2 weeks and I do not know how you're feeling. Do not feel that you are worthless. Always remember that you are worthy of everything.