I am on and off here in read.cash as mostly my internet connection wasn't cooperating as well due to heavy rain which totally affected the signal. Looking at how the BCH dropped so bad this made me think to stop here too. I know it's not a good idea nor a good choice but I just want to rest for a week maybe. I even tried to imagine without this platform it made me feel bad. I am here not just to have an income but to engage as well. For now, I don't have the exact decision as my mind is in chaos. I'm trying to have a positive vibe right now but I don't know if I can. My love life is a mess which made me out of the focus. Gez! It's been 5 years since I last experienced this pain, but it still seems to be new lol. No kidding, I don't know if I'm going to share it here or not, maybe I will co'z at least I don't know you all personally and I know you won't judge me.
Yesterday, my partner chatted with me and said that one of the staff called him and said that today would be our wedding day. I was shocked that it was an abrupt schedule where in fact we went there last Wednesday yet they have no response on when exactly the date would be. They even told us (me and my mother) that the Mayor will be busy this month and it would be possibly in the 2nd or 3rd week of July yet now, they told us like we didn't ask for the schedule. C'mon this raises my anger to the staff co'z if they told us 1 week before then everything will be fine. This is the reason why there is a commotion between me and my partner through chat and video call. The staff said to my partner that "we are the one who told them to set this day as our schedule" and that made me mad thinking that we didn't even set a date for it as they told us that it depends on our Mayor. My partner believed what they told so he told me why I didn't tell him.about it. I was shocked as in, what the!
Until I release all the anger at him and him with me. I raised my voice and so he did co'z this is an important event yet the staff acted like it was just a birthday. Since we are not on good terms we didn't go to the city hall, we didn't even reschedule as I don't want to continue the wedding. To be honest, I even blocked and unfriend my partner since I don't want to talk to him. I'm just mad right now and this leads me to delete all our pictures together. I even unfollow and delete all the sweet convos I keep for almost 4 years. I'm not like this actually, I'm not that kind of woman yet I did it last night and didn't know what came to me to do it. My mind is just in chaos.
If you tell me why we didn't go to the city hall to talk to the staff then my answer is "I am tired going back and forth" but in the end it's our fault. See? This is how messy my life is. My important event and should be a memorable one will never happen as I already told my mom that I won't be marrying him (due to anger maybe). I don't know what will happen today, or the next few days if I will continue it or just cancel it. I don't know if we will be okay or if it will end like this. I wanted to cry yet I'm acting like it didn't affect me. I wanted to shout yet here I am trying to be silent. I wanted to just lock myself in the room yet I'm now trying to make myself happy though I really can't. Acting fine is really hard as I'm dying inside.
Hopefully, God will show me the reason why these things happen to me. I know He will.
Lead image is taken from DestinationWeddingCancelled
Check out their article too it's worth to read ❤️
Give yourself sometime to breath my dear. Time to think and get through your anger. Let it subside first then after that, that's the right time to talk to him. You are just both upset for what happened i guess. Take some rest for a while . It's the best time to think over every decision you'll make in the coming days. Take care.