Wrong Motive, II.
I have heard many people say they want to get married because they have held on for so long and would love to have sex. As much as sex is part of the total package of marriage, which should never be your only reason. When situations happen and reality stares at you in the face, then you will know that marriage is more than sex.
I have heard many people say they want to get married because of financial support. So, what happens when there is a low turn-out of funds during the marriage? Will you leave and forsake the promises you made to each other during the marriage? Your reasons should be greater than that. Many would tell you it is because of love. In fact, many people hide under the word "love" but there is always that bit of selfishness underneath. Of course, love is good and it is required but when his face starts getting old and her beauty starts fading while you see young guys and ladies out there, would your love still stand that test of time? You need to ask yourself this question every single time and be sure your love is real.
As I have been saying, there are so many weird reasons that people give all because they want to get married. I spoke to a young lady many years ago and I felt from her words that marriage was a big goal for her while she was not doing anything to develop herself. It is quite sad, really. She didn’t just have marriage as a goal, she also had this weird ideology about how a marriage should be.
The parents must have imbibed into her that marriage is a goal and I think she understands her parent very well because she complained that they are mainly for the material things. The parents would gladly let her go to the "highest bidder" even if she is not happy with the person. Since she knows this, I think she should have worked on being a better person than trying to follow the path that leads to unhappiness.
She said she wants to leave her house and this is why she is pushing for marriage at all costs. I found it unfair to the person she might want to get married to. You said you love the person you want to get married to but yes, you threatened the guy with a break-up and running to the hands of others if he doesn’t come quickly to come and do the marriage rites. How is that love, please? It is crystal clear that all she wants to do is to get out of that house and marriage is a getaway card for her, and that is a very terrible way to view marriage.
You are currently unemployed and you have no definite plans for your own life, so how do you intend to cope with the rigour and demands of marriage? Sometimes we feel we can cope with it until we are faced with it and they crumble underneath when we are unprepared for it. Marriage is never a getaway platform from parents’ influence. Maturity is a getaway card for that because when you display some level of maturity and self-improvement, your parents would have no choice but to respect your choices and listen to you.
Marriage is good but you need to know why you are getting into it in the first place. You need to envisage and think about the future. Close your eyes and imagine that long future ahead of you in marriage with the person you want to spend it with and be sure you want to go through with it. You won’t always look like that and there would be some down moments too in the marriage, just as your spouse would age gracefully too.
You need to build as much closeness as possible because when you are seeing a different person from who you know, then your closeness; the friendship you have come to share would kick into effect. This is why I would always support the claim that you must get to know that person first before you jump into the ship with him or her.
It is true, that you can never know all there is to know about the person in the place of courtship, but you should try and be open and not blinded by love to see if you can overlook those excesses and still love the person in spite of them.
An ambitious person is always attractive and this is why you need to develop yourself and bring something to the table. A lot of people feel contented staying and doing nothing while they still complain that they are not being loved and appreciated. As humans, we always want to go to where we see the value, so as someone who is planning on getting married, you should start seeking ways to add value to your relationship because being redundant will always pose a threat to your love and marriage. Marriage is much more than the limited understanding we have of it.
It is not about doing what is convenient for you or what is easy but about making things work, more so, doing things that you are not used to just because you understand the life of sacrifice that marriage has placed on you. In fact, you have to still do it with joy and gladness.
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈
Kindly follow me on Noise.Cash... I am trying to engage more with people and connect with everyone with this account. I look forward to seeing you there... You can say hello to me there so we can get familiarized as well. Click here.
Marriage is about between two people to start a family. It's about for understanding and helping each other. It's about supporting each other. It's a new start for starting a family.