Unrealistic Expectations, III.
In case you missed the first and second posts, you can catch up with them here:
When I was planning for my wedding, I told our boss officially that I would be getting married and once in a while when he comes to the office he would make jest of me as the groom and then genuinely ask how the plans were going and all I ever answered him was "It is going fine, sir". I never complained nor put up a pity face to force his hands.
He was surprised I never came to ask him for any kind of help and that is because I already know that it was never his right, so if he decides to do anything, it should come out of his choice and not because he feels guilty in any way or I make him feel so in any way.
On Friday to the wedding, our sales representative was with him and the co-worker I shared his story earlier in the second part of this post but I was not in the office because I had already travelled for the wedding. I was even at the hall trying to monitor everything because the wedding was slated for Saturday. The sales representative and the other guy were with our boss at that time and they told me what our boss said to them. Our boss said, "Does it mean that Wale doesn’t need any money because he has never even asked me for any kind of help" the sales rep said he laughed and told him I need help and maybe I just didn’t want to disturb him. Right there in the car where the three of them were, he transferred money to me and upon receiving the alert, I just smiled and looked up to the heavens and said "Thank You, Lord". I composed a text too and thanked him.
I got to the point where I knew if he did it, it was because he wanted to and not because I felt it was his right to do it. It was nice for him to do what he did for me but it was never an obligation. If he did it, it would be appreciated and it was appreciated and if he decides not to, he has not committed any crime either. Because I felt he should appreciate me should never be criteria where I have to think I have earned it. We need to stop having unrealistic expectations and stop taking people’s kindness for granted.
There is this guy too. He grew up with my wife and they were quite close. Most of the time he would live in my wife’s parent’s house because they were family friends and they even went to school together. He has lived with my wife’s family for like 3 to 4 years and they fed him while sending him to school too. He felt because he grew up with them, they should put up with him and he can go anywhere he likes. He also lived with my wife's elder brother and his family for around 4 years too.
He called my wife when we just got married that he was in our city and he came to do something. My wife asked him to come around and I felt he just want to visit and by evening or maximum the next day he would be travelling back to Lagos. He wanted to take advantage of the warm reception and leverage the fact that he has known her for a long time and she might not talk. She didn’t even know this guy planned on staying with us. How can you want to stay with someone and you wouldn’t even tell them ahead of time? I already sensed it and I told her to ask him.
She did and he said he won’t leave again because he still has something to do even though he stayed over at another friend’s place before my wife told him to come over for a visit. He started asking me about dry cleaner and stuff which made me know he wanted to stay and I asked him when he was leaving. He hesitated a little and then told me later that he would leave my city in like 5 more days. I laughed inside.
As much as I love being nice to people, I don’t appreciate it when others try to take your kindness for granted. It is a good gesture when you are taken for granted, yes but then I don’t like when you don’t give me prior notice. We are all different and you can’t just barge in on me. If I decide to let it slide because anything could have happened that would make you not give me prior notice, but then never try to overplay yourself. I want to believe that I am smart, I sense things ahead of time too and I notice when someone is trying to play on my intelligence. He tried to stay with us without informing us.
He felt since they have been close and that is what he does with others, everyone should also be cool with it. He had an unhealthy expectation because I would never plan to stay more than 2 days with a couple that I know just got married. I feel it is common sense not to expect too much from someone that just got married.
My wife travels every weekend back then and that was the time she had been home the longest, I was enjoying having her around for that period before she will travel again and these two weeks that are meant for bonding and family time want to be affected by someone’s unexpected stay? No, I won’t allow that nor would I do that with someone else.
I asked him on a Monday what time he was leaving that day since he wants to act smart and without talking directly; I decided to act like I didn’t know too. I asked because I want him to assume I thought he came only for the weekend. He sensed my persistent asking and he gave me a time that Monday. We are both smart. Told him I would be going on an assignment from the office and of course he knew I won't drop the key for him either, so he got the cue and he left that Monday.
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈
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I admire how you handled that situation with your friend Ola. I am quite a shy person. I may have ended up letting someone overstay in the fear of offending.