Unrealistic Expectations.
As humans, I know we all have expectations. I doubt there is any human without expectations...at least to some certain degree. We all have expectations and they are in varying degrees depending on who we are, our exposures and mostly backgrounds too and the things we can see. What I expect in a relationship would always be different from what you expect and our expectations are sometimes a result of our background; where we are coming from and our exposure; what we have been seeing around us. Even in life, we have expectations of what we expect to see in this life or a friend.
Just because we have some expectations doesn’t mean those expectations are valid, reasonable or realistic. Some expectations are valid and can't be traded while some are not healthy and defy common sense. We all have this feeling of entitlement and that is the truth with humans. We sometimes have this feeling of entitlement as a result of our closeness or as a result of the relationship we have or think we have with someone. We sometimes feel they are without their own worries and problems so they should halt their life just to attend to ours.
I need to let us understand that your status has nothing to do with how well you are going to do in life. Every relationship has to be nurtured and they should never be taken for granted. Some relationships come into your life at a particular season in your life and you need to understand how these things work.
Most people, when they are in a dating relationship and their partner decides to lend a helping hand in whatever capacity to them, see it as a right. The truth is until you are married, whatever privilege you are enjoying in that relationship is not a right (even in marriage you have to be considerate) but just a mere privilege that must never be taken for granted. I learned about a guy many years ago that resigned from his job and his girlfriend was very supportive. The lady started giving him money till he would be able to find another job.
The guy felt so comfortable and started taking advantage of the lady. It was so funny that he told the lady she is expected to start giving him a portion of her salary. I was shocked because I can't understand it. I don’t know where that was written and maybe it was written but I didn’t get the memo. Placing demands on someone else's hard sweat because you are dating that person? He doesn't even have humility in asking. He was making a demand. What some people go through all in the name of a relationship can be shocking and unpleasant to the ears.
It was never her right to give the guy anything as it was never the guy’s right to give her anything too. Whatever they give each other or they enjoy together should be a privilege and never a right. You are not married to this lady yet, nor is she married to the guy yet. Oftentimes, some ladies would start getting themselves into the roles that have been primarily made for married women. Stop giving yourself away that easy by doing what is expected of a wife to do. Stop playing the role of a husband when you are just a boyfriend and stop playing the role of a wife when you are just a girlfriend. It's not a right and if you wish to, let it be willingly and not something someone said you MUST do by the virtue of dating him or her.
Some guys would expect that anytime their girlfriend visits them, she must enter that kitchen and prepare food for them. To them, that is a test of seeing whether she is a good ‘wife material’. I don’t buy into that at all. As much as it would be nice for her to do all those and show care and courtesy, it should be on her terms based on how much she loves and respects you, and it should never be a demand. Would it be nice for the lady to also test the guy and ask for money to see how she would be taken care of during marriage? Exactly...they are both silly excuses for bad behaviour.
I am in support of the good gesture if the lady decides to do all that but then I am against the motive and perspective behind it that the moment she is your girlfriend, she must enter the kitchen and cook for you. So, I ask, since she came to visit you, as a guy why can’t you do the same? Haven't you been eating before she became your girlfriend? You can't take care of yourself as old as you are? Then you don't need a girlfriend, you need a maid or a nanny.
We need to stop having some feelings of entitlement and unhealthy expectations of how people are supposed to be or act just so we could satisfy our selfishness. If you want her to do that cooking and play the role of a wife, then why don’t you go ahead and marry her, because at least she can be sure her efforts won’t go to waste, especially in this era where a guy would profess love to you and yet he is still doing the same to 2 to 3 other ladies in the corner.
...to be continued...
Thank you for your time.
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Nice post for personal development