Unrealistic Expectations, II.

This is the second part as promised. You can read the first part here: Unrealistic Expectations.

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I am not saying you shouldn’t have expectations due to fear or lack of trust, I am only saying you shouldn’t have unhealthy expectations as to how you think your boyfriend or girlfriend should or must act. Stop playing the role of a wife or husband if they are not willing to take that step further. I watched a movie where a lady refused a proposal not because she didn’t love the guy but because she wasn’t ready.

We have been conditioned to the fact that the moment someone is your girlfriend, the moment you pop the question she must say yes. She has a life too, remember and your vision has to align with her own and she needs to see what you are seeing before she can agree with you. Two people can’t walk together unless they have agreed, the Bible clarified this.

So, when this lady rejected him, the lady had to go back to him the next day and explain why. When you truly love or care about someone, it would never be about your ego or about being right, it would be about being with that person. In any kind of relationship, it has never been about being right or wrong but about the desire not to lose the other person.

We need to stop having unhealthy expectations about people. Just because you are close to someone doesn’t mean they must do one or two things for you. Let it come from their heart and stop feeling angry when they haven’t done anything. I used to get angry while growing up that dad passed away, so naturally, everyone should have known and then reach out to me or us in kind or cash. What I failed to understand is everyone is busy trying to make ends meet too. Their lives shouldn't be on hold for me. They had a life before and they still do. Let's allow people to do things from the goodness of their hearts.

I got to the point where I had to understand this fact and I stopped having unrealistic expectations because with more expectation comes bigger disappointment and these people are not bound by anything to be nice to me or to give me anything. It should be an act of free will and never a forced action. I am glad I understood this fact since we lost dad in 2006. It took me a while though but I am glad I am finally here.

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A co-worker many years ago told me that he was disappointed with our boss because he felt he should have assisted him in the building of his house. I laughed and looked at him in disbelief to be very sure he was serious. Obviously, because he has heard that our boss then used to help people just to encourage them in that regard, so he hurriedly got land and expected the boss to build it for him or assist him. Please, where was that written in the appointment letter? I don’t seem to understand the entitlement we feel sometimes and when I give advice to someone and he or she doesn’t listen, I just keep quiet.

I told him that because the boss is a nice man doesn’t mean he should have that unhealthy expectations. His commitment is to pay your salary and nothing else. If he decides to do something else after that line of duty, then it is a privilege and not a right. I asked him that when he bought the land, didn’t he factor in how he wanted to build his house? He said he did and I asked him why then is he expecting the unexpected?

He felt because he has told the boss about it, he should naturally give him some money. I told him it is not the place of the boss to do what he is expecting him to. He also has a family, responsibilities, commitments and businesses to build. Yes, it would be nice for him to do it but then it is not like it is mandatory. He has never owed you your salary; which he is duty-bound to pay, so why would you want to take advantage of the man’s kindness and expect him to help you build your house? Was that why you got the land in the first place, to have him build it for you because you have seen him assist others with it? You are not even his blood relation for crying out loud. Even blood relations must show consideration because he has his immediate family members to attend to first.

Most people enter into serious debt because they already plan for the money that might not come their way. They try to plan their lives with what is not certain. It is wrong to plan your life with resources that you are not sure of. Plan your life with what you can see, so when the unexpected comes, it would be a bonus. A lot of people have ruined their lives because they are building a castle in the air and hoping for what is never certain.

I advised him when he got the land that he shouldn’t tell the boss about it yet until he has started something significant on it then he can request a loan which I know will come in form of a gift in the end but then he ignored the advice and I kept quiet. He told our boss the moment he got the land and the man only congratulated him and he was feeling aggrieved that the man hasn’t helped him. Even though I know at some point the boss will still help him, his attitude and expectations are unacceptable. It is not his right to do that for you in any way.

...to be continued...

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why  I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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