Relationship and Character Building.

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3 years ago

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There was this couple I heard about their story and a lot of people kept asking what went wrong? They have been seen to be lovey-dovey and that's obviously the front they put up but it's shameful because the man always hit her behind closed doors.

It's hard to say what went wrong because no one lives with them to know how things got this bad but I have always been a firm believer in watching out for the warning signs. I am not saying you have to flee when you noticed something is off, no, because no one is perfect as you are not either but there should be a point where you draw the line and domestic violence is one of them.

A lot of people get hit even during courtship and yet they have the trust that the person would change. If he would change then he would have used the courtship period to exercise his patience and learn restraint. The warning signs are always there and we need to be sensitive not to accept what we don't want to see in our future. There would always be that trait of violence and to truly know how his temperament is, watch how he reacts when he has no money.

This is not a problem peculiar to men alone because even though it doesn't happen often, there have been incidents of females abusing men physically, so we have domestic violence being orchestrated by the women too.

A relationship is more than "I love you" and the cloud 9 feelings which is why most people miss it because they feel that's what it's all about. While dating someone, don't go in all blind and I am not saying you shouldn't give your best instead but there is a point where you strike a balance. Go into a relationship with your head and your heart because both can function simultaneously depending on which aspect you are feeding the most. Most domestic violence reports start with little things that go unattended to or unaddressed. This is why your partner needs to have an accountability partner; someone like a mentor that you can report to so as to put his head in the right places. We all make mistakes but we don't have to take advantage of this by going on a free fall.

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Most people who perpetrate domestic violence haven't learnt to develop their character so well and you would see how messed up every aspect of their lives would be because if he is incapable of having control over his hands how else is he supposed to have control over any aspect of his life? To manage the affairs of your life you need to take control and to manage your relationship too, you need to take charge also.

Some people are just like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off with little provocation. They usually self destruct and when you are lucky enough to notice them before you marry them, kindly walk away. You are not giving up but you are simply prioritizing your life, as you should because you have those who love you and those whom you are also responsible for, so if anything happens to your mental health and physical health, they will suffer.

Age doesn't mean the person you are dating is matured because maturity is a function of self-development and character building. It's about someone willing to learn from his mistakes, pick up lessons from his experience to do better. Your behaviour is different from your personality because your behaviour is how you want to be perceived by others while your personality is who you are and it's what you are comfortable with that you will manifest on the inside. It's who you are when the light goes off - when no one is looking at you.

There is no one without some excesses but that's the essence of life; living and learning. As long as you are living, keep learning and seeking to be better. Work on the negatives for the sake of the people you love, for the sake of those who love you and most importantly, for your own sake and seek to be better.

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Most people just run off into a relationship due to the pressure they feel and the urgency of being seen in a relationship. You are single and that's not a crime. It's singleness, not a disease and many people choose to be single and they are doing amazingly well. It all boils down to knowing what you want and not about seeking popular opinions. If you don't accept yourself the way you are, others won't accept it either. Whatever you do, people will always have opinions about it, so why bother?

Your singleness is not a crime, your old age is not a disease and because you are old doesn't mean you should accept just anyone who will make your life miserable and shorten your years.

I know the things we deal with are different and not everyone can understand the things we've had to put up with but learn to watch out for the warning signs and generally too, let's seek to build our character. While waiting for the 'perfect' person to come, let's make sure we make ourselves 'perfect' for who is to come as well. As much as we are expecting the best, let's strive to be the best that others would hope to have as well. We need to be better first so we won't have to portray bad things to those we 'claim' we love.

Thank you for your time.

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Comments

We shouldn't really ignore red flags. The only flags that we should be welcoming is the red flag in Spicy Chicken Joy in Jollibee.

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3 years ago

πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

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3 years ago

There is no perfect person in this life. There's just only better version of us that we should choose to live out. I believe when violence is present in the household then there's no love in the heart in the first place. because if we love someone we should not do something that hurt or destroy them. For according to 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible, is it the perfect definition of love. And if that love is present then I believe violence never takes place.

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3 years ago

Absolutely and I would agree with you. Another brilliant perspective to this. Thanks, my friend.

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3 years ago

Your most welcome ☺️

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3 years ago

πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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3 years ago

Another write-up from you that needs to be read by most. You hit all nails on their heads and one who is looking for a better relationship can get gold in here. Agree with you on building one's own character before trying to build another :)

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Thank you so much, my friend. Thank you for your support and help all the time and your valuable inputs. They mean a lot.

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3 years ago

Thank you too, my friend for all that you do.

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3 years ago

I am humbled. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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3 years ago

I am aware many women remain in abusive relationships because they feel they cannot survive, financially especially, if they leave their spouse. There are many support groups or persons who are willing to help those in such situations, but the woman must want and actually get out of the relationship to preserve their dignity.

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3 years ago

Thank you so much for this and that's the truth. They must be willing first.

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3 years ago

Yes. My singleness is not a crime.. So I'll stay single to avoid that misfortune 🀣

$ 0.02
3 years ago

πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£ you are so beautiful and yes, I don't want anyone messing up that pretty face and I am so sure there is someone coming soon to sweet you off your feet. 😍😍😍πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ₯° Who wouldn't want to have a sweet soul as you!

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3 years ago

Violence is a tendency and a disease. People without anger control sooner or later reveal their violent tendencies. When we realize this, we should definitely distance ourselves from that person. At least until you can convince us there's a cure.

It was a nice explanation, you explained the issue of violence in the simplest way. Thank you for a useful article.

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3 years ago

I am so glad you enjoyed it and thanks for this lovely contribution too. Deeply appreciated.

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3 years ago

Many are in the grave simply because they made that mistake of rushing into a relationship or marriage. They are pressured by the society and they dove right into it with no lifejacket or something to hang on to. They don't do proper research and go in blind, at the end they end up with a bad partner

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3 years ago

That's so true. Many people go in blind while many also go in even with the truth staring at them with the hope the person will change.

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3 years ago

Exactly, that's another problem. Some foolishly believe the person will change when they get married

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3 years ago

A grave mistake...

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3 years ago

Wish this article could go viral, it help the upcoming youth who are into relationship to know how to handle their relationship.

We should always be mindful of the warning signs, the person who hit you during courtship will definitely do the worse when you both get married. No matter how I might love a guy, if I start seeing the brutality in him , my brother, I will run from my dear life. I will not wait till he will change, even though he changes today tomorrow he will still put on the monster in him again... hehehehe

Relationship is not something we should just jump into blindly, we have to take our time to view some certain things about the person we want to spend our life with. Very important. Marriage is not for kids, but a mature mind. It is better to remain single than putting yourself into everlasting sorrow all in the name of love... Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured.

$ 0.03
3 years ago

This is beautiful and wonderfully worded too. It shouldn't be endured but enjoyed. Life's pressure is enough and we shouldn't have to add another that can be avoided. Thanks a lot for this, dear.

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3 years ago

Abi ooo, life pressure is problem on it own, don't have to add another one with the one on ground...you are correct sponsor πŸ‘πŸ‘

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3 years ago

Hahaha the way you say this sponsor enh πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

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3 years ago

Just to show how the Matter dey boil inside me🀣🀣

$ 0.01
3 years ago

πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£. I feel you.

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3 years ago

Just to show how the Matter dey boil inside me🀣🀣

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3 years ago

Shouldn't we call you the love doctor from now on?

People handle relationships like they are watching movies, it is a terrible thing handling things with the heart and forgetting that the head have a role to play in relationship matters.

Believing people will change I one thing I have done and it backfired. We mustn't love blindly, it is better to end things before it gets deeper.

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3 years ago

Exactly, my brother. We shouldn't love blindly and each person has a role to play in self development too.

Hahaha. I accept the title of love doctor. πŸ™ˆ

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3 years ago

Na to get office remain o, it would be very much better on the Island.

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3 years ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ area of the rich.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes now, you can charge more consultation fee in that area.

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3 years ago

Business ti yaaaa. 😍😍

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3 years ago

This is actually very informative. I think we need more writers writing about relationships, partner abuse and how to navigate it because people on the outside think it’s all rose and sugar when it comes to relationships sadly it’s not so.

Now the part where you said most people think it would seem they gave up easily when they are been abuse , please I would say it over and over to anyone who cares to listen run away from any abusive relationship. Because it sometimes leads to death and not everyone is lucky. For the last paragraphs of this write up, I feel like people should learn to develop their self before going into relationship , I think that is why I am even single . I need to develop myself morally spiritually and financially because what is worth doing at all is worth doing well. Thank you

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3 years ago

Thanks a lot for this truth. Exactly...not everyone would be lucky and that's the essence of courtship but most people are just blinded to the truth. I wouldn't want my sister to go through that neither would I encourage anyone to stay in it.

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3 years ago

Exactly my point πŸ’ͺ

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3 years ago

πŸ€πŸ™Œ

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3 years ago

Relationship isn't always good. And you're right, there would be times when your relationship is put to the test. Like for example the abuse that occurs through the years. But I too am a firm believer that domestic abuse shouldn't be a part of the relationship. Even for a nick of time, definitely no for me. If you love your partner why would you even try lay a hand on them? Right? But then again, I don't blame other people for putting with this kind of treatment, because that's what movies often indicate. That magically, the other person would change and be the better person.

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3 years ago

Thank you so much. So many people couldn't differentiate between reality and movies. They have watched too many movies.

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3 years ago

You mean the hopeless romantic? Hahah I was once a hopeless romantic. And I've always thought the relationship in movies is always a goal. Until reality hit me really hard. That's I've been a toxic relationship for almost two years. Though no domestic abuse was an issue, only emotional though haha the ongoing on and off relationship really took a toll on me for quite a while. Until my partner now, saved from all of that. And the rest is history, 4 years and still going smoother.

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3 years ago

Emotional abuse is way more terrible because you can't even see where it hurts and I am so happy you got out of it and you are in a far more better one. This is goodness and I hope many people would demonstrate the kind of strength you showed. Well done, my friend.

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3 years ago

Actually I should be thankful to her. (she's lesbian) Because she ended everything over a text message. Though that was real blow to my ego hahaha. Being dumped over on text, still I got out of the relationship and doing fine now. I really wish everyone, having to go through this type of relationship and realizing that it really is toxic, get the chance to finally get out it. And be done with the kind of treatment they get every single day.

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3 years ago

Exactly, we need to understand that we deserve better and do what is good for our sanity.

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3 years ago

Yes, because our own well being, sanity and mental health is important rather than staying in a relationship that isn't gonna do you any good. For the sake of not being single again.

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3 years ago

Absolutely. Spot on, my friend.

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3 years ago

Thanks buddy.

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3 years ago

πŸ€—πŸ€—

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3 years ago

So many people, because they are tired of being single and have gotten to a stage they think they can't take it anymore, they start to give in against their own health. They say "I just want any man in my life, I don't care what happens next" This is bad! Many times I am always happy being single but there are times your thought would derail from your earlier perspective about being single and you tend to be aggressive and want to settle for less. No! Be patient so you don't regret. And there are those who still stay in the relationship all in the name of love and they keep enduring the violent attack, beating from the guy. Definitely you will keep getting hurt even when you get married if you do not wake up to leave that relationship Silently.

The reason for courting is to study your partner and accept the right behavior and then refuse otherwise the bad ones.

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3 years ago

That's the whole essence of courtship but most people don't understand. They are not even learning anything in courtship.

Thanks for this brilliant contribution.

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3 years ago

You are always welcome.

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3 years ago

πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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3 years ago

The problem in most abusive relationships is that the abuse already started from courtship but tie ladies go on with the mindset that they can change the man. Unfortunately you can't change an adult.

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3 years ago

Exactly. They ignored it during courtship with false hope he would change based on sweet words and enticing gifts.

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3 years ago

Most relationship currently is about pressure. There's nothing wrong being single but due to the fact our friends are in a relationship we also want to force ourselves into it

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3 years ago

Very true and that's a wrong mindset, I would agree.

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3 years ago