@Olasquare
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Healing Process, II. This is a continuation of the post I shared two days ago and I felt I should explain further the importance of healing especially in a relationship. You can read the initial post here: Healing Process. https://read.cash/@Olasquare/healing-process-40ba5aaa
Image Source. https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-sitting-on-sidewalk-226166/ Love is sweet but it doesn't mean someone won't hurt you under the guise of loving you. This is why we need to be a little bit more careful about those we commit our heart to, be it as a friend or even as lovers. I am always on the lookout for the warning signs just as I focus on the goodness of heart of the person too. There are times where we won't see as much as we should and in the end we get hurt in the process. It's okay to get hurt and as someone said, fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice? That's a big shame on me. Most people confuse forgiveness with getting involved with the person again. Forgiveness can sometimes mean severing your ties with the person but you've gotten to a point where you can share your story or talk about that person without resentment. It's not new, we have all been hurt before, whether on a friendship level or even on a serious level and it's okay for us to feel no impulse to love again. That's your way of healing. Take as much time as you can. Many people fall under the weight of pressure just because they want to be defined by a relationship. They got heartbroken and the next minute they have latched on to the next person which begs some serious questions: "*Do they really love the person they broke up with as they claimed?*" Or "*Are they masking the pain under another relationship?*" The latter is more terrible because that person would be projecting unfairly on the new person for something he or she didn't cause. Masking it is dangerous as you have to walk on eggshells around that person and that person also won't be able to give his or her best because he or she hasn't gotten to the point where they would evaluate their roles in the break-up and then allow healing to take place. As earlier mentioned in the first part, some heal faster than the other and that's why they jump right into another relationship but the first question would always hang in the air over them and they also have to be honest with themselves to know if it was love they felt or infatuation because it would speak a lot as to how they would see their next relationship.
Image Source. https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-in-brown-leather-coat-standing-on-brown-soil-984946/ With honesty comes clarity because if it wasn't love with the last one, then it's easier for them not to condemn the next girl or guy as a victim. It helps to make them know the things they can do right since they are now "***in love***". Don't try and become like the person that hurt you, so take your time to heal first. When you've been hurt then it's logical for you to take a step back to recover. It is to help you as well - to gain momentum and energy for what's to come. It's about taking time out for yourself rather than getting drained by relationship drama which I can assure you would never end even when you get married. It's unrelated but I would like to liken the healing period to a speed bump. Speed bumps were designed not to stop you permanently but only temporarily...it is to help you slow down, relax, before taking off again. Same with when life hits you hard with a terrible break-up, then you need to slow down, lick your wounds and then heal...only after healing can you gain full control of your body and mind. You leave yourself in a vulnerable state when you don't allow yourself to heal. I've been there before and I've dated those who have been there before. It was not a pretty sight I would say because nothing seem to work. It would drain you mentally and physically and you would have to keep doubting yourself if you are good enough - that's the worst. I dated this lady back then and I didn't know she was still healing. I saw a lady all cream, trim and proper with the shapes in the right places - fingertips on point, hips on point... A smile that can melt any heart and voice that you would love to listen to all day without getting tired...but she was broken and I didn't even know it. This is why I always say that face value can be false value because you can be seated next to someone that is broken and you won't even know it. We've been dating for a week or so and I decided to give her a surprise. It was a Saturday morning and although I was to resume office at 9 am that day, I called my manager to beg for more time since I would be coming late. He granted it because he knew I would never be late if it wasn't important. I went to *Domino's Pizza* as early as possible to surprise this lady with *Pizza*, *Cold stone* and some other stuff. I called her to tell her I just want to pop in, won't take her time and in just a few minutes I would be out, so she won't leave the house. I got to her apartment, knocked on her door and presented her with my sweet offerings. It was like getting served breakfast in bed but the only difference was, she wasn't in bed...just me at her door trying to do something nice for her. Her expression when receiving it showed I shouldn't have and her words after gave so much away and I left with my tails between my legs. She said, "***Wale, thank you but you should have given me cash instead.***" I touched her face, gave a fake smile and then left. It's obvious she was still in her healing stage and that's why she shouldn't have jumped into another relationship. Gifts or good gestures didn't "**freak**" her anymore and all she wanted was to get "**money**". Don't keep adding to those bad experiences and try to heal first because it's not your feelings involved alone but another person's feelings too... don't give them a bad one when you can avoid it. Heal first - it's good for you and also for others. *Thank you for your time.* Kindly follow me on **Noise.Cash**... I am trying to engage more with people and connect with everyone with this account. I look forward to seeing you there... You can say hello to me there so we can get familiarized as well. Click here. https://noise.cash/u/Olasquare
26 comments
Though love is sweet but we should expect breakups since we aren't ordained by a priest or engaged together.Btw we shouldn't try to add to those bad experiences but we should try to heal first before moving on.
Yes, we shouldn't add to the bad experiences of others.
If we don't heal from a past relationship, we'll project all our insecurities and fears on our new partner.
This is so true... absolutely.
You can also add some cash to the packaged pizza for her as well, Smiles. It is not so easy to move on for some people and it cost them their trust.
We were still new and if only she had opened up as more as I did, she could have told me she needed money and I would have gladly given it to her.
If there love there would always be a break ups. And without it we will never grow. And yeah heal first it's good for you and for the others
Healing first is good for both involved.
I like the way you hammer on the healing. It is very important for one to do that before moving into another relationship.
Healing is really important.
I've missed reading your article for days and I'm fully back again to continue from where I stop , I always enjoy reading your article because it always will always guide me through in the case of relationship, I'm sure it's not only me , but the majority of people will find it helpful as well. Healing process... At first while I was reading, it looks clumsy to me, but after reading to the letter I got to understand the message. We can never be the same thing, some wounds can be so deep that will take years before it will be healed.. I got encounter with a woman, she's a single mother, and I was eager to to know why she choose to be a single mother, it was as result of heartbreak with a bitter story, and the woundcould not heal till now, always find it difficult to accept any man into her life .
Yes, healing process takes longer for some and she did well knowing she is still hurting so it makes sense why she decided to remain so. Missed reading your comments too. Good to have you back. Where have you been?
Not feeling too good, but I'm fine now.
So sorry about that and glad you are good now.
This is total crap! She doesn't need healing, she needs money. Such people cannot be cured...unfortunately, a stale and icy heart cannot be melted by anything. We call such women "the snow queen". Yes, the name is beautiful, but the main thing is not to break on this piece of ice. When we fall in love, we love with our hearts, not our brains. So the process of healing from unhappy love will be long. And it will last until we see someone new on our path.
Hahahahaha such people cannot be cured hahahaha. I was shocked when she told me that and that was the last time I pushed further with anything with her. I had to let her be. I am a romantic kind of guy...I didn't need her kind of drama and energy.
You reminded me of a love from my youth. It is just as you say. We have to heal our wounds to move on to get involved with another.
Absolutely...if we don't heal properly, we won't be able to give our best.
A deep breathe came out. Thanks Ola. Feels like something got out of me. Pain makes us strong. Anything that broke you has the healing ability which makes you strong.
I am glad to hear this and to also read your understanding of it. 🤗🤗🤗
Yes! Absolutely true healing the key to over come the bad things that may happen to our life and relationship to move on the past... By the way Im Newbie here ☺️ and I like your article that you wrote ☺️ keep it up .
Thank you and good to have you here. Here is home...feel at ease.
Your welcome my friend
🤗🤗🤗🥰😍
Thank you for sharing this post .
Thanks.