It Takes Time.

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Oh well...I am back to one of my favourite topics; relationships. Haha. I can't help it, I am sorry.

I know of so many people who are feeling pressured because they are not in a relationship. I never got that pressure from my parents but I know a lot of people whose parents are breathing down their necks because they are either single or dragging their relationship beyond the 'normal'.

To me, normal is relative because what's normal to me might not be normal to another person. The question is, who made something 'normal'? By the virtue of many people who have done it and are still doing it or was it written in a book somewhere?

A lot of people, away from the societal, family and peer pressure, set unrealistic expectations for themselves and any guy or lady that doesn't fit into it would naturally fizzle away from their lives, as expected. Imagine a lady saying on Twitter that if the guy is not earning 400,000 Naira ($800) monthly, she can never date such a guy.

I totally understand the place of wanting the best for yourself but as a lady too, how much are you earning? What's your idea of what a marriage stands for? The issue is, most people don't understand what marriage is, they just go with what they see others do in their relationship and would want to replicate it in theirs. Because your friend's boyfriend works in an oil company, you naturally said you can never date anyone else if they are not working in an oil company. How pathetic can this be?

I have heard stories of ladies saying they can't date a guy who doesn't have a house already at 25 years of age with a car, all of his own. It's shameful what society has turned into. Help me ask her what her brother has achieved at 25? Even if he has achieved that, isn't it disappointing to think everyone should have had that?

I am all for wanting the best for yourself but I would still say don't be rigid. There are a lot of people who can reproduce the best of things you want but they are just lacking the right touches and connection and that's the whole essence of dating; helping each other with advice on how to improve and where to go to. Two is better than one, at least, you can help him see what's on his blind spot as he is expected to do the same.

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Life is hard enough and we don't need to put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. We are here to make ourselves better. It's shocking how some guys too would say they won't date a lady if she has a car and other unreasonable criteria.

A relationship takes time and it is not rocket science. Whatever you don't water would die and a lot of people expect themselves to find a lover and everything would be smooth sailing but that's not true. It's hard work to find someone you can love and it's another hard work to sustain what you both have. We fight to find love and we fight to stay in it as well.

Stop basing your relationship on what you are seeing of others. A relationship is not a one-size-fits-all even though there are some general things to it. Take your time. Don't force it. Don't be rigid and stop seeing your relationship through the lens of others. It's all about effective communication because if you can't communicate what you want and what you think while assuming your partner should know, you are both heading for the rocks.

Having a 'good' partner is what everyone wants because when you rush and date just anyone because you don't want to feel left out, there would always be issues. It can be very tasking and draining. Don't think because your best friend is in a relationship you have to jump on the next one who asks you out. Trust me, it's worth waiting for and while waiting, learn to prepare yourself and add value to yourself. It doesn't mean everything would be smooth sailing but it doesn't mean you have to date just anyone either.

Someone made fun out of this and said the speed at which you download 50MB video is always different to when you download 50GB - the network has to be steady, the conditions must be right too but if the video is worth it, you would gladly wait it out, won't you? So if you want to feature in a future that you already pictured in your mind, then wait for it. Many people have lost themselves because they fell into the wrong hands where a relationship is concerned.

You are not broken and nothing is wrong with you. Stop trying to fix what's not broken because you are not getting your desires, for now. Be classy, presentable, spontaneous and learn to smile. If you managed to sell yourself cheap you won't be able to afford it later on. Give it more time and be comfortable with yourself. There is nobody to complete you because you are not a missing piece. If you are not complete in loving yourself how will someone else love you? You only need someone who can complement your uniqueness.

Thank you for your time.