You could be the problem

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Written by
2 years ago

Day: 13th December 2021

Good day everyone! Twelve days remain until Christmas and Eighteen days until we celebrate New year. 

December seems to be going in a flash, and soon we will be leaving 2021 and venturing unto 2022, where all sorts of new things await us.

The end of the year is always so weird because you know you can never come back and you can only move forward; how I wish I could go back to the past and change some things, but as that isn't possible, the only thing left for you to do is learn from those mistakes and become better.

Before we start, let me ask you a question:

 If a person has been in Eight relationships consecutively, and none of them worked, who do you think is at fault? Is it the people you are dating? Or is it you? Or both?

In this situation, I would say that it all comes down to what you are looking for in a relationship, which is why the blame may be on that person. 

I have noticed that no one is ready to accept that they are the problem in their life, and they keep on blaming others for all their failures, but never really search inside themselves and finding what their problems are.

You can blame a hundred people, which is very easy to do; maybe that is why people choose to do it, but when it comes down to asking themselves if they are the problem, they fail to do so.

Sometimes you need to sit down and ask yourself, "Is there anything I am doing wrong, maybe I am the problem." It may be the decisions you have been making that may have led you to repeat the same failure repeatedly.

If a person has been in Eight relationships and none worked out, don't you think it is because of your preferences?

 So many people love going for things that are not easily reachable, and they end up failing and blaming everyone.

This logic doesn't only go for relationships; it also works for career and other aspects of life, and what I mean is that most people force themselves to do something out of their reach.

When you do something like that, you may fail, which would lead to pointing fingers.

Failure may be harsh, but the whole point is for you to understand more and become better. Still, some people fail to understand that concept, and they end up repeating the cycle of failure repeatedly without ever looking into why they are failing.

If something isn't working with one method, why do you keep using that method repeatedly?

In relationships, you see people dating the same person but with different faces, and they ask themselves what the problem is.

A friend of mine has experienced a lot of heartbreaks, and when I ask them what the problem is, they always blame the other person.

But when I look at their history of dating, I find out that they are dating the same person but in different shapes and sizes, and they don't even realize it, or maybe they do and don't want to accept it.

If a relationship is not working, don't look for the same person with a different face.

Instead look for another person willing to stay with you in every situation, even if it may be challenging; it is way better than repeating the same mistake repeatedly.

Another thing I have noticed is that most people never heal from their previous relationships, and they carry this toxic past into their new relationships, which would only end up hurting the relationship.

After a break-up, it is not recommendable to jump straight into another relationship because relationships have to do with emotions. 

If you have emotional problems due to a break-up, you should find your healing before entering a new one; it would not only benefit your next partner but also make you feel better.

As I have written in this article, it is not always others that are at fault.

Sometimes you can be the problem, whether it be your preferences, standards, or failure to heal, and understand what you are doing wrong.

It is easier to change yourself than change others, don't point fingers when you can simply ask yourself what the problem is.

Thank you for reading!

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Written by
2 years ago

Comments

The relationship is two-way communication, and you have explained it so well. We meet so many people in a day, week, and month. In our communication, both parties use their sense and brain. If both parties own a faulty or poorly sensitive mind, they may make enough mistakes in analyzing their communication. It may so happen that both parties are non-compromising. Then, we can't expect they can build a lasting relationship.

In the case of career, the employer's policy is one of the deciding factors for quitting a job. Sometimes the immediate boss's behavior becomes the reason. People who can't compromise on integrity and ethical issues suffer the most in their careers. Some of us may call them, "You can't adjust, " but they are non-compromising.

So, I can't blindly blame people for suffering in relationships or careers. But, some people possess criminal instincts and often ditch/torture their partners/spouses/colleagues. Society should not hesitate to punish criminals.

$ 0.04
2 years ago

Oftentimes, we put the blame on the other person. We fail to check ourselves. Sometimes we are the toxic ones.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Hehe, that is so true, sometimes we call the other person toxic when we are the ones being toxic.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I think relationships are really complicated and it’s two people that understands eachother and are ready to make sacrifices to make it work…there is more to relationship than just the love

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yeah, a relationship goes beyond love; it comes with many responsibilities and sacrifices.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

If relationship didn't work, maybe you have to ask first yourself , let's say medidate . Know the reasons and make sure you are completely healed before jumping into another relationsh. I agree witu you, its not good to have excess baggages from previous relationship

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Oikawa, very true. Sometimes we can be the problem. And that why need to look at the mirror and have self reflection

$ 0.03
2 years ago

I think relationship is the most confusable thing in our world. And in confusable thing anything can happen. So i also think the same, it's better to avoid those stuffs .

$ 0.03
2 years ago

That's true, I have a friend that has entered into more than 5 relationship this year and none has work out, he still don't tell me the reason they always break up. 🌚

$ 0.03
2 years ago

He hasn't looked into himself and asked why they always end up in break-ups.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

this is sooo trueee "don't point fingers when you can simply ask yourself what the problem is." sometimes the problem is us and not the other one. Couples nowadays really love to put the blame on their other half when the problem was them all along lol. Much better to look for things that make yourself happy first before getting into a relationship. Or it would be better to stay single HAHAHA

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yeah, I believe self-love and looking for things that make us happy are essential.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yes I agree with this Oikawa. Sometimes we can be the problem and we didn't notice it. We pointing out our fingers to the others but without even realizing ourselves. It's not good.

The situation will be complicated due of our actions and decisions. We don't want to be blame. We don't want to accept the ruin path we started that's why we pass it to the others and blame it. In fact we are the one who has a problem at first.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yeah, I agree with this; most of us don't even notice that we are the problem because we always point fingers at others; the best thing to do is look into ourselves and understand our imperfections and scars.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yes you're right Oikawa. We must see ourselves too and trying to realize what we've done.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

That's why I whenever someone asked me for advised regarding relationship and heartbreak, I would always reiterate to solve the problem on yourself and don't jump to a next relationship broken. You will repeat the same mistakes and will never improve. If you can't change yourself to be better then expect nothing but continous heartbreak. It's not always the "if you love me, accept me for who I am". That's so selfish ~Manju

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Your words are so actual; I think everyone has gotten so used to "if you love me, accept me for who I am," and they never really improve themselves; this can cause many problems in a relationship.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I think that people who have developed empathy skills are more successful in questioning themselves, and the person who questions himself is aware of his mistake and knows that in some cases it is his own mistake. Their behavior also changes accordingly.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Been into different failed relationships before and I never blame them if we broke up. Just some things won't work

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yeah, not everything works out, and we have to accept it like that

$ 0.00
2 years ago

We should look at the mirror to also see our mistakes on that past relationships. Instead of blaming others, it's really better if we also asked ourselves why they all of them leaves us because maybe we are the problem. So on that case, you can heal your heart without a burden and you can also becomes aware on what should you do.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Exactly my point, sometimes it is not the other person's fault, but we fail to understand that, making us blame everyone that comes our way.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

You're right. In that case, it's possible the person is the problem, but never rule out the possibility that that person just haven't met the right one,

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yeah, but you can also say it is you who made that decision, and if you keep choosing the wrong people, you will keep seeing the same mistakes.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I better reboot my fraction than others. Rebuild others than rebuilding yourself is tough.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Exactly, trying to change others would only bring you stress and frustration.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

And no one will be benefitted.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Whenever we are heartbroken,we should try to heal from the breakup before setting on to another relationship.Btw we should try to change patterns whenever we notice that relationship aren't working out as planned.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yeah, having the same patterns in relationships can sometimes cause trouble especially when they all end up as break-ups, instead of sticking to one type of person, it is best we find someone who fits us.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

You're right...we should just find out someone else who fit's us and never rush into a relationship cuz it deals with emotions.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Well, Eight relationships is a lot so the person could actually be the problem.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Yeah, that should show the person that they should change.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I think it's already a nature of humankind to repeat mistakes of the past and never learn something on it. Like what you've said, people prefer to blame other people rather than look at their self to find if they do wrong actions. They don't want to accept bad things that they have. It always exist on relationship in which when two couple broke apart then they will suddenly blame each other and end up spreading rumors.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

You nailed it, people prefer to blame that look into themselves and find the answer, I think it would be way easier to do that than repeating the cycle of failure and blaming others.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I know everyone is counting the days for Christmas just like you. The year is coming to an end. Everyone has to move on and start a new way of life.Hearing so many dating relationships and so many relationship makes my head spin.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

😁You don't like relationship talk?

$ 0.00
2 years ago

She is not that type of girl. 😋

$ 0.00
2 years ago

After heartaches it is better to heal your self first. Love your self first, and let yourself be ready for loving a new person. Don't just collect and you would select, nothing will change by doing that.

$ 0.04
2 years ago

Exactly, healing oneself is very beneficial because it makes us love ourselves even if no one does, which would help us accept ourselves, making it easier to find a new person who will love and adore us for who we are,

$ 0.00
2 years ago