Day: 25th November 2021
Looking at the date, I am so grateful that we will soon be seeing the end of another month; even though things weren't always the best, I am glad I get to see December, and soon we will be entering 2021, another year filled with so many new things.
Even if I am grateful for everything that happened this year, sometimes I also get sad over all the incomplete goals and missed opportunities that passed by me this year;
Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the past and change some things I have done, but I know that isn't possible.
I am not sure if this only happens to me, but once or twice a month, my mind plays back all the sad memories and regretful actions that I have done in the past, and when this happens, I don't even know what to do.
It makes me feel like I am nothing in life and a complete loser, and sometimes I agree with it, which causes me to fall into depression.
There are so many "what ifs" in my life, and sometimes it feels like I am not living the way I should be living, maybe I am taking life for granted, and telling you the truth, sometimes I don't want this
life.
All these dark thoughts and sad memories will always be there, and sometimes I pray they will leave me alone, but they only seem to come back stronger.
But I understand that there is so much more to life than
hurting over my past mistakes; I can never run away from them, but I can learn from them, which will help me make good decisions.
It is not only our minds that hurts us sometimes; the people around us can hurt us in so many ways with their words, "you will never amount to anything," "you are worthless."
These words will go deep into our souls and hurt us even
more, especially when our minds keep repeating them to us.
This year, I wrote my final examination in high school, and I am glad that I could pass the exam without repeating another year.
But I wasn't grateful that I passed, in my mind, I thought it was everyone that passed, and no one had failed, but a friend of mine called me, and she was crying bitterly, and by the sound of her voice, she had been crying for a long time.
She told me she had failed a lot of subjects, and her mother was not happy with this; I could hear her mother's voice in the background,
and she was shouting at her.
Her mother had told her all sorts of negative things, which made her feel bad about herself; she even said she didn't want to live in
this world anymore because she felt like she wasn't even relevant anymore.
I could hear the sadness in her voice, and she was serious with what she said; I think if I didn't rush over to her house, she may
have done the deed.
When I got to her place, she cried and wondered what she would do with her life.
Her mother told her she wasn't her daughter, and everyone looked at her with disgust and disappointment.
She was at her lowest of lows, and at that point, she said she was "nothing at all", this was the first time I had seen her like this.
Her world had come crashing down, and there was nothing she could do about it; she blamed herself for failing and may have to repeat another year before she could finish high school.
Looking at her situation, I felt ashamed because I wasn't grateful for my result, but seeing her opened my eyes.
I tried to lift her spirits because this wasn't the end of her life, she is still a young lady, and there are still so many opportunities that will come her way, she may have missed this opportunity, but more will come in the future.
The most important part is learning from this and making sure it never happens again.
I wanted to use her story to teach us something, you may be in your lowest of lows and feeling like you are not worth it, and I am sure it won't be to get this feeling out of your mind.
But never let that feeling stop you from bouncing back up, and always learn from your missed opportunities.
Everything happens for a purpose, and sooner or later, you will find out why things happened as they did.
Please don't beat yourself up; you aren't a failure, you only had a couple of missed chances, and you learned from them; now go and grab more opportunities, and this time doesn't let them go.
Thank you for reading!
It's always good for one to be self confident, however things may not always be as expected, but one should take every problem as a challenge. Thanks for being supportive when you are mostly needed