This Time, We'll Love All The Pain Away.

Disclaimer: This story is a fiction, nothing's real but only the feelings towards the person.

"You gained nothing!". My mother screamed in front of my face. I was just staring at her blankly while letting my tears flow. I don't understand why they were like this, I am trying my best to survive, trying everything to make them proud. But the result was not what I'm expecting. It was far from the expectation that I was imagining.

"Yes mom, I gained nothing because all of you don't trust me! You just keep blabbing like you already knew what I want in my life, you just keep saying random words were it's not--.", I didn't manage to finish what I'm going to say when my mother's palm hit my face.

My father suddenly go near, and as what I am expecting I'm not the one who's correct here, neither I'm always wrong.

"You're good for nothing, woman. Know your place.", My father said. I just walk away and ran outside the house. I go to the nearest highway and start crying there. It's cloudly and I know, anytime soon the rain will start pouring. I didn't pay attention to it, instead I kept crying like I was hurt at all. There's no excuse to my feeling, I feel miserable.

I am good for nothing? And then how 'bout you guys? Are you guys are God or something?

Later on, I felt like there's was a water above me who start dripping and yes, it's raining. I suddenly feel that my heart is really heavy and all I want is get rid of this feelings, of this pain, of this suffering.

"Hey, what's the matter?", someone said beside me. I look at her and she looks like a 30 yearsold woman with a sadness on her eyes. I don't know if what's this feeling but I feel like I'm connected to her. "Who are you?", I said as I'm still looking to her. She didn't answer me and just smile. "You know, real life is what we are dealing of. Even our idols have their own pain and sufferings. Even the rich people? They're also suffering and they also can feel pain.", She said while looking beyond the surface. I was wondering that is that for, who she is and why she suddenly appear beside me. I didn't see anyone coming thru my way.

"Uhm miss, Can I ask a question? Who are you?", I asked her repeatedly but she maintain silence. She didn't answer one of my question why, and who she is. I'm not sure but, I don't really know who she is.

"Pain and sufferings? Maybe we suffer now but death is not the answer.", She said again.

How did she know I'm planning to suicide?

"Hey miss, maybe I am planning to suicide but I'll not do it either." I said. Lately, I am planning to do something that is against to me. That I don't want but I want this pain to end. I don't think of any resolution but only this, I want this to end. I really want this things to finished.

"Life is rough, I'm not sure either if I'm still happy, still strong or what. Because all I can feel is pain, sufferings and other thi---", before I finish the word that I'm gonna say. She's not already in my side.

I try to look around if she's still here, but I can't see her. I just didn't pay attention to it and choose to think that maybe something urgent cameup that's why she's gone faster.

As the rain stop, I'm already wet and I need to change before I caught a cold. When I have my step back to my house, I grab something from my pocket. Ah, it was a old letter which is from 2021, and today it's 2038. There's a letter with a wax that used to close it and it was symbolizing as "G".

And, G was also the first letter of my name. This got me curious so much that why I opened the envelope and read it,

Dear Younger Me,

I know you are suffering from the things that you were trying to overcome now, I know that in your whole life you didn't know what the real happiness is. You felt like being in a cage with no one, you felt like being in one place and no one to go, but please keep on mind that no matter how hard the life is, no matter what kind of situation you are in, life is always precious, life is always beautiful. Be your own way of beauty, I know you can do it.

From: the Older you.

By the way, I love the song "Starting Over Again", because for me the lyrics was related to what we called self love. I mean, for me it's realated on what love do we feel inside our heart. We're all too young when we start and figure out what life is, we must hurt ourself and say things to ourselves too. If I can go back only, I'll do the same thing. I'll remind myself that life is precious, I'll remind my self that life is important, that life is what we only have and life is a gift from the God above.

I'm questioning myself many times, why I'm here and what's my mission? If I'm asking myself that question, all answers that I got is about being under the world that the God created for me to feel how beautiful the life was.

But yeah, maybe sometimes there are reasons that can't understand well, and we can't situations that we can't predict. But let's choose fighting, let's choose our battle despite the pains and sufferings.

Author's Note:

I'm feeling better already! My sense of taste is now slowly coming back and it makes me feel exciting because I barely eat this past few days since I have no sense of taste.

I wanna say thankyou @Codename_Chikakiku for renewing your sponsorship! And to all who's sponsoring me, thank you so much. I really appreciate you guys.

By. OfficialGamboaLikeUs