My Life As A Breadwinner. (Stress and tiredness.)
I know the rest of you are wondering why I suddenly disappeared, that I suddenly had no clue and I don't even have the strength to say I want to stop writing. But nevermind, this is just about updates about what's happening to me since it's been a while.
Being a breadwinner
You were forced to spend days debating whether to buy this or that without second thoughts.
If you don't have savings, insurance, or plans for the future, you'll get a lot of criticism.All you can think about and focus on is how to stay afloat in the current. Almost everything has a side effect of feeling insecure.
Your ability to pay for everything gives the impression to others that you are making a lot of money, despite the fact that you are barely making ends meet.
The only person who would pay for everything is you. You will at times deprive yourself, and you will also argue with your conscience about whether or not you should be compensated for your efforts. Regardless of whether you just went with the choice to make a little use to make yourself somewhat more agreeable, you will question whether you are having an existence of lavishness.
You'll be wondering when better times will arrive every day.
People your age who succeed in life will always make you envious because they don't care about others. They can have access to the resources they require to develop and thrive on their own.
You didn't choose this life, that's the fact of the matter; Instead, it selected you.
At 21 years old, I have to deal with this level of stress. Where there is very little time for rest.
Sad to think, but even more down is the feeling that your parents don't really care about you anymore. That with the amount of mistakes you made before, no matter what you do to make up for it now, there is no value. They will not change their view of you. You're a piece of shit and trash, because you don't have any money to hand and if you have, they'll insult you, "that's all? It's good that you gave."
Imagine the number of breakdowns you'll experience every time after calculating the expenses. Idk if it's just me, but it really hurts to think that "
there is nothing left of me" but at the end of the day, "this life chose me". What made this worse is the fact you look and compare your "progress" with others'. Dont. I've been there. And it won't make any difference if you continue doing so. Focus on your goals. But that's more harder than it was to be.
At the age of 21, you are physically and mentally tired, but as long as there is tomorrow you can handle it, you will try to wake up early, you will work, after a long time you will just go to sleep because you are so tired and thinking about what you really want. but you can't do it because you have different goals for your family and not for yourself.
Sometimes you cry for no reason, you don't even understand what you really want because your family is your priority.
It's true. Everything that depends on you will also get tired. The feeling that you have an obligation. There is no problem, as long as the person you are helping is at least "thankful". It's not the one you've heard of. It's not that they will compare you to other children of their acquaintances, because they say that this helps his family more, but I'm just like this. I also have bills so I am paid monthly and above all I also have a life.
I wanted to wuit, but I can't. Because
I am the breadwinner.
Sorry, I just need to vent out a little.