I kept talking, but no one was listening. I repeat my words over and over again, but no one will believe me. Do I look like a liar? Do you think I am not telling the truth? At the first meeting, everything was fine. You often listen to me, but why?

What shall I do to make you believe? What will I do for you to listen? can you really hear me Do you hear every word I say? Or are you just pretending to understand, because you are afraid of being defiled? How many times do I really have to repeat what I'm saying? And why do I have to repeat? No one even listens.

Is it because you think I'm just like everyone else? Do you think that they and I are the same? Your reasons are very low.q Why don't you try to tell the truth? Tell us that you guys are not listening, not even once.

I screamed, asking for help. It's rare for me to be like this. Why? Why do you torture me so much? You said, you are only there to help us. That you are only there to listen to us, but what is it? We still receive hurtful words. Words that do not tell if you are all worried or just a plain stupid.

You don't want me to talk, but I will let others know that I have something to say. You don't want me to talk, but I know we're talking. Wrong, you don't allow me to speak because you want to be right. You want people around you to listen to you, you want them to listen to you more. How about us? How about me? I can't just keep quiet, and let you dictate everything.

Before, you said that you know how to get along, you know how to listen and you have an open mind. But what is happening now? Why did the words you mentioned seems false? Why do the words I heard from you seems like a big lie?

What you mentioned is too far from what you do, what you said is too far from what you say. Do you understand? Or did you not hear me? you say so much, you know so much. Your knowledge is out of place. You never know, maybe what you're doing is the reason why someone doesn't want to continue.

• You're not listening

• You don't want us to explain

• You don't want to be led

• Everything is a lie.

Final Thoughts

My anxiety was totally messed up right now. I was totally crying for almost 2 hours and I can't even explain why am I feeling this way. Maybe because I am kinda stressed at the same time since I felt like I did something wrong and I don't know what it is. I'm so down, I'm not feeling okay, I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep until I forgot that I'm existing. I kept looking for the answers. Answers that can satisfied me and answers where I am somehow alright with it. My heart is tired, my mind is also tired. I cannot decide well even if I tried to ask everyone and they all have the same questions.

I don't know,I felt like I'm not sure with myself rn.