Since I have no enough time to make an article, I'll make this one instead where everyone can join. Just tag me so that I can read all of your article! And this article includes the story of my father who don't want to have a check up since his cough became worst at the same time.

What does the word 'courage' mean to you?

It's when we have enough strength to pursue our dreams, and to pursue everything that we wanted. We may have dreams where sometimes it was messed up or whatsoever but we still have ourselves where we are putting everything back to it's places.

For me, courage is what everyone have when we're in the middle of nowhere. There are times where courage will be the answer for us to go on and for us to fight. No matter how hard the life is, it's still there for us to remember that life is always here and courage is always there.

"While we're alive, the courage was still inside."

How do you make decisions?

I'm making decisions by how people says a feedback to me. I am asking people about their feedback like how am I applying things and whatever the result I'm accepting it.

That's the only time where I'll make decisions that can be good to me or can cause good things to me.

Making decisions is sometimes hard for us right? We asking for the right thing to do and to the right plan that we need to. We keep reminding ourselves what if during this time we fail, or what if we can't do our best to make this decision possible as it was.

Are you being the person you want to be?

To be honest, yes. When I got to Baguio, the pain and the stress that I feel was lessen already. There are times where I can really laugh without having a sad thoughts, rather than laughing but deep inside I feel the sadness that I don't want to feel.

I'm a daddy's girl eversince I was a child, I am more closed to my father than to my mother because of my mother's attitude. My father were a hot head but I was not which is I was proud of lol.

Okay so let's go back to the topic, last night I called my niece because I have nothing to do. Little that I know my father's cough became worst yet he didn't tell me about it.

We all have this hard headed parents where we were telling them to get check-up but they are not listening. Looks like for them we're just jokingly around where making my head boil for some moment.

After figuring put about my father's situation, I immediately told him that I'll send some money for him to have a check-up and this is his respond.

Me: get Check-up dad, I will send you 2k (40$). To the hospital so that you can have medicine, your cough was already too long and it should okay right now. Baka mamaya pneumonia o di kaya that's a Tuberculosis already.

Him: Thank you, okay I'll have my check up.

Him: I am worried about you. You might run out of money but if you really want to send some then thank you. I have a bad cough last night and I didn't allow the doctor said that I need to have x-ray so I'm planning to have xray when you send me money.

(I was crying while typing this, I may be angry because of the attitude that they was showing to me weeks ago before I go here to Baguio but when it comes to my parents I am deadly worried. I am their only daughter at their side and my siblings have their own families so I'm not expecting them to help their dad since they don't have any contact to each other and they don't care about him anymore.)

And this is my response:

Me: Don't think about it cause I have an extra, think about your situation because you're old already. (By the way he is 79 already.) You can't ignore yourself because it might get worst and that's the time that you'll have check up, be alert early so that we can figure it out.

I am aware about his situation months ago before I got here, I thought it was just a normal cough since it's all started at january this year but it stopped weeks before my flight. And days before my flight schedule, his cough came back and it became really worst.

Sometimes I was pissed off because of his attitude but I still love him as my father. Gladly that I saved enough money so that whenever that there's an emergency, I can send some right away. I can't stop asking myself if I am a bad child for them since maybe they think that I don't give a care at all, not to mentioned that I love them more than myself.

I may be have many rants about them or whatsoever it is but I love them, I really love them more than to the situation where I want to cut off everything. I am their daughter after all, I can't abandoned them.

Final thoughts

Do you think I became a bad daughter? Because I felt like that I am. I really feel bad about everything, I didn't do any wrong but it's that I just feel bad for not telling him to have a checkup early. Maybe because I don't have enough money that time and that's why.

April 4.2022
ArticleNo.4