So a lot of you saw my rants on telegram or noise and even here. So what it feels like to have a toxic parents? Lemme share my thoughts about them because I didn't experience having a happy family with a long patience.

Because of ate @gerl and ate @Jeaneth article's about parents, I plan to share this article about having a toxic parents. Sorry for mentioning you two.

My parents always used to blame me for everything that I didn't mean to, they love blaming me and also they acted the same to my step brothers and sisters which is super understandable why his youngest daughter to her first wife choose to run away and choose go to ireland instead.

They're acting like they were doing their best, or let's say they were acting like they were just protecting their child but no. Honestly speaking, that's not what it feels like. My house, my home is like a jail and not a safe place.

Yes, you read it right. Supposed to be, this home is a safe place but no. I felt like living in a hell while staying to this place.

Let me share you some of my diary, from a messenger where I used to say all things including what I feel. See the photo below;

I wrote this last dec 7, 2021. Thisnis where I am so down for almost a month because of my parents. I don't want to be affected by them but I can't help it but to catch their words and all of their blames.

They Were Blaming Me About Everything.

• Whenever they're not in the mood, all they do is to blame me and tell me that they didn't plan to gave birth to me. I always hear that from my mother and angry with me all the time and I don't know why. Except if I give her money.

• Whenever I give money, she always on her good sides. She's acting like a mother, she cares for me like a mother and she's sweet also. But when I don't? Nah, she didn't care at all and she were throwing me out.

So here is the time where I asked my mother about giving birth to my 2 older step sister before when she was still young. She told me that she's didn't care abt them, it's just happened that abortion is bad and she don't want to commit mistakes that will punish her to the other life that's why she kept them. Same as mine, when my father touch her she don't have any choice but to keep me also. Since that, she's blaming me about everything. She said because of me, her furst husband leave him.

Actually, I don't hate my life. Even if I want to give up and I want to turn down everything, someone is always there to catch and and someone is always there to help me. Maybe I am the reason why her family got ruined, it's because she's pregnant with me. But it doesn't mean that I was really the reason why there were ruined. She's the one who ruined everything. I mean, why did she let herself to be touched by other man if she has a husband? Right? It doesn't make sense to me, to be honest.

They Don't Support Me To The Things I Want To Do.

• I have this big issue to my parents where instead of giving support, they will bring me down instead. Like, srsly? How can a parents bring down their own child? And instead of cheering them up, what'll they do will bring you really down instead. I plan to work before, but my mother told me that If I'm not around no one will look after them so I didn't grab it. And when they find out that I'm going to Baguio, she told me that, "Maybe you want to escape here with your responsibilities."

I'm not going to Baguio to have a happy life, I'll go there to work and I'll just do this so that I can lean how to live without them and to learn how to take care of myself if ever that I'm alone. I'm not running through my responsibilities...no. I'm not that kind of person where I forgot almost everything who helped me and who do everything to me.

I just want to live peacefully, Maybe I'll be in a far away, far from them but this thing is also from them. I can't stay and do nothing, also I want them to support me even if it's against to their will. I don't really understand them, they said they just want to protect me but it wasn't a protection at all. They become toxic because of it.

When I Ask Something, they were shouting back to me.

• When I'm asking one them about something, instead of speaking normally they were yelling and telling me to shut up. This is where I tell myself that instead of asking them, I'll be quiet myself and instead of asking them I'll try answering my own question.

I don't know what's their problem, why they need to shout anytime. They're mot like that when someone is here house. They were acting like everything is fine and everything is normal which is sometimes making my head boil because of it.

And when they're angry, instead of calming first they will blame you and they will start saying words that's not fit to you.

Last last week, before the Christmas eve I asked my mother why did she regret giving birth to me and she said, because I was running away from my responsibilities. And instead of staying at the house I choose to find a boarding house and live there instead.

I explain it to her that I want to be independent while I'm still young. I can't blame her because ever since I was in grade 8, I don't ask them for an allowance. I'm a part timer student who's doing anything to stay alive durimg that time.

During my elementary and Junior High, we have a business called buko juice. It don't have any artificial flavor. Only walet, and buko juice also sugar. We delivering all schools here at our place. And when I don't have a class, I'm at the market and selling them.

I kept the money myself because that's what they want, and then after earning a lot of money, I look for a boarding house that cost 3k or 60$ per month and live there. Also that time, I plan to help in a cafeteria at where the college school is and also I had a part time job at the hardware store during saturday and sunday.

I don't asked them about money, I do everything to myself in order to survive. Also, I didn't run to my responsibilities. Even if I'm not in the house I still choose to give them some money and not abandoned them. When the pandemic hits, my father asked me to go home and I agreed. All of my earnings, I give it to them since I don't need them.

What is my problem to my family?

If they know that they can get something to you, they were good. But if not? Nah..their attitude towards you is something that rather not okay.

Authors Note:

That's why I can blame my cousin for booking a ticket for me to get out here. Also, she asked a permission to my partner about it first before booking, and she agreed. The only problem is me, maybe I'm just scared to the things that will haopen into the future. But I'm glad because she's willing to help me also.

If you guys will ask, why her instead of the other part of my family, it's because they were the same. Yeah, all of them are same.

Puro mga mayayabang, mapagmataas, walamg ginawa kundi manapak ng mas mababa. That's why I'm not close to them.

By: OfficialGamboaLikeUs