Gaining Weight Struggles

August 18, 2022

Have you ever felt weird things? Such as feeling like going to poop in the middle of a meal? Or waking up in the morning just because you feel the need to poop? It has become my daily routine. When I'm having breakfast, savouring my meal and enjoying the taste of it, suddenly my stomach would crumble halting me from eating. It's summoning me to go to the toilet and do my business there. It's annoying really. At first, I find it unique but now that it has happened a lot of times, I'm not happy about it.

Imagine you're still hungry and you still want extra rice and viand, but your stomach growls. It's not nice and appetizing anymore to go back to the dining table and eat after you've done your business at the toilet. lol. I don't know if you can take it. I used to do it before but my mom would laugh at me. Then I came to the point wherein I can't do it anymore.

These days I also feel the need to go to the toilet right after I wake up. No, it has become my alarm clock. I get up from my bed to poop. Even if I want to extend my sleeping hours and dream something more, I can't because my stomach is growling. I have no choice but to get up.

How about you? Have you been in the same scenario as mine?

I suspect this is the main reason why I'm still skinny despite the heavy meals that I take. I have taken multivitamins but still, there isn't any development as to my body weight. It's saddening to be in a constant battle every day. I have been the subject of bullying since I was a kid. People would tell me that I'm a stick. Even now, some people would encourage me to eat more. Like what? People are too quick to judge. I want them to be with me always and watch me as I eat. I bet they would be amazed at how a foodie I am.

I want to gain weight for myself and not for others. If ever I would succeed in that goal, I would be the first one who would feel proud. I'm a bit hesitant to look at myself in the mirror now because I don't like how I look. I wanted to gain weight so I would be pleasing to my very eyes. But this metabolism is the hindrance? Isn't it? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Maybe I would have to take gaining weight seriously. Does that mean quitting my job and then sleeping every day at home? I would have to exercise too. Now that I'm working, I don't have time to exercise. By the time I came home from work, I'm already in my bed and I can't afford to do such activities. I have high respect for people who can juggle and manage their time well. Doing your best at work requires effort yet some people can pull it off plus they can add their workout routines in the middle of everything. I wish I could have superpowers. I can't even find the time to journal anymore.

Dedication and discipline are what I lack. Maybe I would have to muster all my courage for me to do those things that I've been meaning to do.

*lead image is from unsplash.com