060822 pm

I think it's time for me to continue doing the 30day Writing Challenge. I was actually in a good mood to draft an article this afternoon while Lil B was asleep. I checked the Day 2 topic and emotions tumbled, memories came back.

If you still haven't read my Day 1 article, you can check it here Day 1 - what makes me happy?

My first day was a happy article and I don't think I am in a happy mood to happily give a happy memory.

Oh damn, this is going to be a difficult one. I'll try to remember one positive and one negative thing that I never forget.

Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forget.

My mother always tells me that I am demoñita (little girl demon), a bad kid, suwail na anak, walang kwenta, etc.

Don't get me wrong, for people who were born in the 90s or earlier this might be a normal thing for parents to say to their children. Little did I know that it's gonna be stuck with me forever.

Honestly, I can't remember happy childhood memories with my family. I only can remember negative things in my family when I was a kid. Happy memories that I can remember was anything that didn't happen inside or house.

As far as I can remember I didn't have any enemies at school, in our neighborhood, nor been in a fight. My only enemies that time were my sisters and hell yeah, we fight most of the time because we were kids. At school, I was one of the top students in gradeschool and barely talk to my classmates.

Up to this day, I can't still seem to think the reason my mother would call me that. All that I can think of is maybe she was having a postpartum depression episode that we don't know of.

There's a lot more and when I think of it, my emotions were just getting heavier so I needed to stop to this point.

I remember one of my cousins told me this when we had a videochat with his brother last time. He told us 'How we can just let it go' like it was easy for us to do after all these years.

He was actually referring to the emotional damage or baggage from our parents. They are my cousins from my father's side.

We were basically talking about how my father's family we somehow f*cked up in that they tend to pass the toxicity they experienced to their children, to us. We were discussing what happened (in our point of view), what they said or what we felt when somethings happen and basically for not apologizing.

To cut everything short, our baggages went deeper as we grow old until now. My kuya really wanted to hurt his dad (my tito), all he wanted to hear from his dad is 'SORRY' however my father, his dad and their other siblings never meant to say sorry to their children because they believe that older people are always right (no matter what).

He called us and basically told me and his brother that why did we just all let it go, how can we just let it go. His brother said, he just need to let go because he has kids. He has more important problems to deal with rather than arguing and fighting with their dad.

On my part I said, 'I didn't let it all go kuya, I just want my peace of mind because I need it for Lil B. Minsan kelangan mo din i-let go yung ibang bagay para magkaroon ka ulit ng bagong space ng sama ng loob (syempre pajoke na half meant un HAHAHAHA!)

I actually took it as a compliment because I know to myself that I am not the type of person who easily lets go of something emotionally. This made me think that since I gave birth or once you have a child of your own, you will compromise everything as if your body, your mind and your whole life wasn't yours anymore.

There you go, I'm done. Good thing that I did a negative and ended with a positive one. This topic really made me feel a little bit gloomy today and I was wondering if I'll be able to finish it, like ever.

I am still happy in a way that it made me more tough in life. I will list a few takeaways from my experiences as a kid and plan to do differently with lil B. Here:

• tough love parenting' doesn't always work on every kid

• Know or get to know your kid or your child as they grow old.

• Don't treat them as 'Just a kid', treat them like a friend, like a true friend with limitations ror restrictions if there are red flags.

• Get them to open up to you.

• Do not invalidate their feelings.

• Always tell them the why's and how's in life.

Anyway, for those people born in the 80's and 90s I congratulate you.

• If you've experienced any form of SUCH KIND OF PARENTING and still turned out to be a good person, I congratulate you.

• Being born on that era wherein verbal abuse from parents was normal not knowing their kids are emotionally damaged and may have caused different types of trauma, I congratulate you for still being alive.

• If it happens that you've learned to forgive and forget, congratulations. You've moved on and might have lived a better life.

• If you've experienced such thing and decided or promised to yourself that you won't pass on that attitude or thinking to your kids.

• If you didn't experience such thing or have a different type of parents, I congratulate you for being lucky and do not take it for granted.

And that's all for today's blog. Byee!!!