FOGO - Fear of Getting Older

I don't know where it come from but out of the blue, I fear of getting older.

Getting older like, unable to remember every names of friends and family. Forgetting what I've learned and unable to do the things I used to do.

Unable to swim in the depths of the sea. So does unable to hear the sounds of its waves when it touches the shore. Unable to walk for more hours, run as if I was being chased. Read books as if I'm competing with the pages. Fear of losing sight. Fear that I need to rely to other person just so I could pee or poop. I fear that when that time comes, I cannot eat alone without having someone to make me a soft food or feeding me. Fear of being unfit.

I am afraid that one day I was just there in one corner of the house sitting down the moving chair waiting to just die. To lose breathe. Asking if I have serve my purpose right? Or asking what was the name of the bird sitting on the trunk of a tree.

And gone are the good old days.

Do you fear the same? Its just that some days ago I saw an old man, with his daughter, maybe, or a nurse maybe. He was walking ill, using a stick as a support as he can't balance himself with just his feet. I can see that they come from the hospital along the road, because the x-ray enveloped is large enough, one could guess.

How could we end up like that, making a living, and chasing to live more as we get older despite every harsh realities we faced? I was just wondering, if I turned sixty, would I be able to play mobile legends? Lmao. Would I be frustrated If I can't? Can I even sit without pain subsiding on my back?

I couldn't think about living on that state. Knowing all the stuff are headed to one end, death. Not soon but not later either.

The night after the day I saw the old man I was told by my room mate, that what if out of blue we die, unexpectedly? That she fears that everyday, that she has a lot of things to do and dying without actually enjoying life is not something she could think of. Or dying unexpectedly in the verge of your age is really scary.

For me dying is inevitable, and there is nothing we can do about it. A little extension perhaps with medication. I believe too that when someone along the process just feels tired and feel like they don't have anything to do to life, would accept their faith and just give in to death.

I don't know, thinking about dying unexpectedly in some way, is extra thrilling for me. Than knowing you will die after months or a year. Or knowing you'll be vulnerable to sickness when you get old.

I told her that I am mostly afraid of getting older.

My friend told me that I am a crazy sht for thinking things like that. She says at least you spend your time to the fullest until your body decayed. You only live once so make it worth. Well I wish, I was like her, full of dreams and not a scared sht like me. Very sooner, I hope I won't fear a lot of things and be completely free of these ideas.

I know this article is super creepy and I very much hate my thoughts too. In some ways they are conflicted and complicated. So do I. Lmao.

How about you do you fear of getting older?

Well I hope to live long too but not long enough to witnessed my body slowly deteriorate. Lol.

Well again thanks for reading reaching this far and sorry for this dark article. Haha. I always had it in me. :) Anyway,

My co-employee, told me that when people get old they are prone to two probable sickness, depression and dementia,

And asked me, if I would rather choose depression or dementia?

Well I'd rather be depressed than be depressed because I forgot everyone around. How about you?

Credits

Thanks to Tonik @thetonik_co for making the lead photo available freely on Unsplash 🎁 https://unsplash.com/photos/U0wwiY6nRGA