Everyone thinks I am paranoid.

Since I became a mom, constant worrying never ever left me. You know I can bear all those sleepless nights and tiring days taking care of my baby. What I can't handle is the fear, the worry that she might not feel well and I won't be able to notice just like what happened to her before when she was a newborn. As a first-time mom, I don't know what I am seeing are signs that a baby is not feeling well so I didn't mind and that's my biggest mistake I will not forget in my entire life because it's like I put my baby's life in danger. If only I knew, I could have told the nurses and she might be cured there and then.

Oh dear, here I am again with my negative thoughts. How can I forget these?

Taking care of my daughter everyday is a wonderful feeling and at the same time giving me constant worry that everyone in the house thinks I am paranoid and over-reacting. Although my daughter will be 2 months old this December 19, I am still not confident that I am taking care of her right. I mean I always doubt myself if I feed her with the right amount of milk she needs or is she in the right position while I am feeding her and many many more. This is making me insane but I am still keep going.

When my baby Clea is sleeping, I would always stare at her to check if her breathing is normal or if she's breathing at all. I know I know this is crazy but you can't blame a mom for thinking this way. You won't feel and understand us unless you were in our shoe. Just this evening, I stare at Clea and notice that she got something red but not too noticeable on the top of her eyebrows. I told my boyfriend to check it too but he told me it's just nothing. I was not satisfied with his answer so I asked him to check it again and he just told me I am too paranoid. Gosh!

I also frequently ask @Zhyne06 whenever I see something new and unusual behavior of Clea. Just this morning and yesterday I think Clea has got some milk coming from her mouth. I again worry because I saw a video on TikTok that whenever babies have milk coming from his/her mouth, it can be that they didn't burp properly, overfeeding and infection. When I saw that word INFECTION, I overthink because Clea has got an infection before when she was still two-day old so I am thinking what if she has it again this time? Can I manage myself not to panic? Oh my I think I am going to die in worry.

One thing I worry about is that sometimes Clea coughs during feeding and there are also times she coughs when she's just lying on her little bed. I understand if she coughs during feeding but coughing when she's just lying is a big problem for me because I don't know what's the reason of it. I told my boyfriend about it and he told me to stay calm for Clea is not constantly coughing. I also told my grandma about it and she told me the same. I wish I can be as calm as them. I wish to see her pediatrician to check her up but our schedule was on December 20 and I feel like I can't wait for it.

Can you tell me if it's still normal? Yesterday, Clea slept during daytime and she woke up only when she's hungry and sometimes I woke her up when she's sleeping for over four hours because I need to feed her. At 10 pm yesterday, she woke up and it seems like the night is her morning. I just breastfeed her and she slept again. When 1 AM came, she was wide awake and she cried so I breastfeed her again. I thought she would go back to sleep but she didn't. She will sleep tho after an hour of swinging but when we put her on bed, she will be awake and will cry again and ask for milk and then the routine repeats until it's already 9 AM. I almost panic because babies supposed to have enough rest but Clea won't have that rest if she's wide awake for long hours. I feel so worried about her and think again what did I do wrong. Glad that she already slept at 10 AM. For moms here, are your babies like that too?

I feel like I am not feeling well all the time that's why whenever I got the chance to relax, I will grab the opportunity to ease my mind. I cannot avoid thinking that maybe I should let my mom take care of Clea since she already knew how. God knows how much I love to take care of my own daughter but my anxiety would always take over me.

As I am typing this, I am staring at her praying that she's fine all the time. There's nothing I would ask to our Almighty but for my baby to grow healthy all the time.

Everyone thinks I am paranoid. Do you do too?

Good day! I apologize for not being able to respond and read your articles today. Our internet connection here is slow and unstable that even inserting pictures in my article is so hard. The one in the lead image is Clea ❤️ I will get back soon when it's okay. Gotta go and do mommy duties. Pray for me lol.

Thank you fam for supporting me. I may not be able to respond immediately but I promise I'll make it up when I have the time. Thanks to my sponsors and to those people who upvote my posts. You guys are big help.

Ciao! ❤️