Unending loop of life's stress

26th of February 2022

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The past few days have been unfavourable and I'm tired of talking about how the failed system has brought frustration and depression for me. It's been a stressful experience so far and I's rather stop talking about it, as constantly ranting wouldn't help me feel better. Rants are just rants, they do nothing but allow us to be heard.

Here I am writing this article on bed with laptop on my laps. I'm so so exhausted from the stress, my knee hurts terribly and my back is beginning to follow suit. I know I should be sleeping right now considering it's almost midnight already, but I'm simply indifferent. I'm so exhausted that that sleep has decided to be far away from me. I've been through more than physical and mental stress than my body and brain can handle. My head hurts, in fact my brain hurts, and I'm totally out of idea.

I'm going through mental stress such that I've begin to forget things easily- signs that rest is required. Unfortunately, I have only this weekend to meet up with certain targets, and at the same time will resume my usual running here and there as already mentioned in frustration due to a failed system. I don't wanna talk about how angry and frustrated I am, but no matter how hard I try it always reflects in my words and actions.

I want nothing more than peace of mind, I want my mind to be at rest, I want all things to work while I simply cross my legs and observe everything. Don't we all want that kind of life? Unfortunately not all wishes come true. At some point we have to go through those struggles so we can have a story to tell. After all, there is no success story without past challenges. The success story is only a result of the victory attained after many challenges after which we can then be celebrated.

I want to be free from something called struggles, we all experience it daily and find ways to cope with it. Regardless of how strong we may be, it comes to a point where we feel like we can no longer cope with everything and simply want to give up. Well, I am at that stage at the moment. I'm trying hard to not give up and will continue to try until my joy is full.

I need a head massage, I need a back and knee massage, I need a brain massage if that exists. I want the blood vessels in my brain to relax, I want them to stop running at super speed and allow me to feel free. I sometimes want to experience Tabula Rasa, unfortunately it's not possible since I'm no longer a baby. Tabula Rasa refers to a blank state. It's a philosophical statement that we're born in a blank state where nothing exists in our mind, no memory or thoughts, just blankness and emptiness. I sometimes want to experience that state once more maybe I'd feel at peace, after which I'd return to my life of unending stress.

Life is stressful, life is meaningless, life is nothing but an unending loop of meaningless accomplishments. Regardless of how meaningless life may be, I'd enjoy my life to the fullest when the time comes and will not hold back. My time is coming and it is coming soon!