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I have once again begun to exhibit withdrawal behaviour; I no longer talk to my cousins like i used to when I got here, the past few days has been all about about me playing "leave me alone" and staying in my room all day without having to interact with anyone.
I don't feel like interacting, I don't feel like taking to anyone, neither do I need anyone's company- I mostly act like I'm asleep whenever I hear footsteps approaching my room because I do not want to open my mouth to any discussion because it basically bores me and drains my spirit.
I was initially excited to be here but all of a sudden I'm beginning to withdraw from everyone once again and the initial excitement has diminished to near zero; I do hope it wouldn't die completely.
I have no idea why I'm beginning to feel this way but I'm beginning to think I have over socialized hence my social batteries are dead and requires recharging; nothing sounds funny, nothing tastes funny, nothing seems funny anymore; except my favourite food which tastes funny and doesn't nice anymore.
Everything has gotten boring, even life itself has begun to get boring; I want up early morning and I see myself living a life without a purpose, it's nothing but dryness and boredom- I constantly feel like something is missing but can't figure out this missing piece of me. I feel like this piece left me a long time ago but didn't come to my notice until it became too late.
With time I realised that nothing can make you happy; not money, clothes, materials, smartphones, food, fun, clubbing, girls and whatchamacallit- even BCH will not make you happy. In the end happiness is only transient, happiness is fleeting, happiness is nothing but an illusion which we create so we could continue living this life of vanity. After all we do nothing more but eat-sleep-wake-repeat which is reflective of the fact that our lives are caught in an unending loop of events created by someone out there- a creator maybe or a programmer who inserts us into this matrix.
I hear people say the words "I woke up happy, I woke up feeling good, I woke up feeling this and that" but it's quite the opposite for me; I can hardly tell how I feel, I'm hardly excited by anything and it's all stale as soon as I open my eyes to a new day.
"Life is transient, life is fleeting, life isnkeaningless, life is an illusion"...
Life is monotonous and has become tiring- I'm considering quitting everything; I want to quit talking to everyone, I want to quit all social media, quit posting on read.cash, quit short posts on noise, I wanna uninstall whatsapp and telegram, I uninstalled instagram since 2019, and considering ending this life altogether as it's no longer meaningful. I want to quit everything.