@Lucifan

Special thanks to @mictoranni for the sponsorship renewal... More Bch to your wallet my knowledgeable friend...

Hello Again Guys Hello my good people of read. It's been a long time. I feel like a lot would have changed. I have honestly missed you guys and I know you must have missed me. I got a little bored with life as I wasn't taking enough coca cola. But I started my meds again (minimum of five bottles a day), and I'm happy to announce that I'm back to normal. I can't say for sure that I'll spend as much time as I did before here, but I hope to. But I'll definitely be more frequent if things get better with me in real life. I'll be talking about a few things I missed when I left read. 1 **Nice friends** I made a few friends that became more than a little close to me. One notable one would be @Theblackdoll . She drew me closer and became like a sister to me. When I had questions concerning read, she never complained about me asking her. She's one of the best friends anyone can have her on read. Other friends I made would be @Kingsley and @Daria . They are my fellow nigerians and they always dutifully comment on my posts and they get my jokes. You guys are great! 2 **Nice comments** Most comments are nice here on read. But I have a very special friend who finds something nice to say about just about why of my articles. She gets my jokes and shows her husband my write ups. I'm talking about @Ellen.he . She's as good a friend as they get. She's a really great friend to have in your comments. Generally, I don't get bad comments but since comments are just nicer than others. (: 3 **The excitement** I'm sure everyone experiences it differently. For me, it's the thrill of not knowing what to write just knowing that something just be written. Also, there's some excitement that comes with every notification as it could easily be some more Bch entering your wallet. Whatever it is for anyone, I'm sure we find it fun (as long as we don't get heart attacks). 4 **the pictures** Some of the best picture I've ever seen in my life, I saw on read. I know a very good photographer here on read, but I forget his name at the moment. He takes the nicest natural photos you'll ever see. He covers anything from insects on the ground to birds of the sky. And everything he takes is nice. I'll reference him in my next post once I remember his name. It's something like Rezanur. But I'll check later. In all, even if things work out my way, I may not be active in the comments as much as before because I have a lot on my plate right now, but I'll definitely be active some way or another -maybe with tips and the likes. It's good to be back again. Hope you guys have been having fun. (:

Hello guys... Just wanted to inform you that I'll be taking a break from read due to real life issues... You'll know when I'm back... Thanks for your support guys... You've been awesome...

Random Stuff Hello everyone, good day to you my friends. I've had an awesome week so far thanks to my girlfriend. She bought me a guitar effect. This is a professional guitar tool that amplifies the sound of your guitar and also changes the voice effect. She's simply the best! My mum was very sick and was hospitalized since last week, but she's also recovering. I was so scared for her. She has my strength, so we generally don't complain until sickness is extremely bad. She had been to dine hospitals before and they couldn't help until we discovered they had been running the tests the wrong way. She had extremely strong malaria with three pluses. I didn't even know there could be three pluses! The highest I ever heard of was two. So my mum's treatment soaked up a lot of money. I'm just glad she's better now. I have to call her after writing this post to check on her again. Today also happens to be my brother's birthday. But it's not the norm for us to celebrate birthdays in my family, so he'll probably not even do anything apart from say thank you to those who wish him happy birthday. I kind of understand the sentiment because I also never celebrate birthdays. I don't like cakes and they are almost equivalent to birthdays. Also, I just feel lots of people were also born that she day, so it isn't all that special. I mean, if there was a world conference, and you declared "today is special because I was born today", you'd have millions of people roll their eyes at you and go "me too so what?”. See? The whole idea of a birthday being a special day is kind of faulty. Just kind of though. I have nothing against someone treating a day to treat himself to a good time, and deciding to be unnecessarily happy. So if that day is your birthday for you, well, good for you. My point is, the idea of birthdays suck, but you're allowed to celebrate them. I would always allow you to make any excuse to drink a few bottles of coca cola. If you celebrate birthdays, and you don't drink coke, I declare to you that you're a sad, sad person, and you need to learn to loosen up! Please don't tell me on the comments if you don't drink coke on your birthdays because it'll make me very sad and I may spend the rest of the day crying for you. And once I'm sad, I'll have to console myself with coke. You know what, feel free to tell me if you don't drink coke because it'll create a chain reaction that ends in new drinking coke and being happy. But don't blame me for being happy about your sadness because you caused it! And if you want to fix your life, read my articles that deal with the gospel of coca cola and how these harmless drinks bring a lot of joy. Anyways, today's article is not about coke, so I'm going to try to stop taking about it now. One other stuff I'd like to emphasize is how grateful I am too my girlfriend. By getting me my effect, she's put me in the big leagues around here, asked may have made my career just on her own. She's this goddess that just watches over me, and I'm lucky - extremely lucky - to have her. Thanks for always reading and supporting me guys. I appreciate you. Thanks for not leaving me alone even in my hard times. You mean a lot to me.

Special thanks to Lucifer - our favorite devil - for renewing his sponsorship... You're awesome!!!

Thanks to my awesome friend Bch lover for the sponsorship renewal... You're awesome my friend...

Things I Learnt Early In Life That Actually Matter Hello guys. Hope you're all very fine. It's been a bit chilly in the morning, and while I'm not one for covering myself up in the day, I just confess that the tips of my fingers are really numb from the cold this morning. What's the weather like in your area? How it's just as great? I love the cold. I mean this as against the heat. If you feel cold, you can easily cover up, but I'm my country, there's no easy remedy for heat. There's usually no power so you can't turn on the fans or something most of the time. What weather do you prefer? Also let me know. Yesterday, I talked about a few things worth admiring about Nigerian traditions. I forgot to mention that they aren't really upheld these days to the extent they once were. Children of nowadays are hopelessly spoilt. Anyways, today, my write up is going to be a bit similar. I'm going to be taking about some things I learnt as a child that aren't really obvious to the brats or nowadays again. Let's get to it. 1 **Money isn't everything** This is so cliche to anyone from my time and before, but children of nowadays don't appear to have heard these words, or even worse, they'd laugh at you just for stating this. These days, children of twice and thirteen are seasoned veterans of internet fraud and you are forced to wonder what they really aim to do with the money they steal from people online. I'm my day, we didn't really care about if a person was rich or poor. We loved at the values the person had in choosing friends or grading people. When we talked about money, we usually said stuff like "I'll take care of my mum" or "I'll feed the poor" or talk about starting charity organizations because we didn't like that things were bad for certain people. We never really cared for ourselves so much. We instead took our negative experiences as pointers to what our callings were in life. What I mean by this is, if someone suggested a certain sickness often, you could almost be sure he was going to study hard to be a doctor, or if someone had a relative that was unjustly imprisoned, you could tell from his questions and conversations that he'd want to study law. Even the most unruly ones amongst us had more depth than the average child today. 2 **Reading is a noble way of life** Now, I'm not claiming that everyone read in my time, but they at least respected those that read. We were openly praise and admired no matter what genre we read. I myself had two must of Shakespeare's popular plays by twelve and when I was fifteen, I had started my quest for Raymond E Feist's works. Children of nowadays don't even know the local greats such as Wole Shoyinka, or Chinua Achebe. They don't read anything except maybe messages from their internet fraud targets. I don't like these changes, but I don't see a way to just change the mindset the next generation has developed except the government changes things. Thanks for reading my articles. I hope this wasn't too long. You're awesome guys.

Nigerian Traditions That Are Worth Admiring Hello guys how you're fine. Take care and stay safe. I care. Today, I'll be discussing some Nigerian traditions that are kind of nice. Mostly stuff that are related to how the average Nigerian is brought up. In Nigeria, culture is mostly tended towards morals and etiquettes and related issues. Most parents when I was younger still upheld those string cultural norms. In fact, every decent parent did. Mine was no different, and I'll be taking mostly based on my experiences, and if need be, I'll make a contrast to the norm. Let's get into it. 1 **greeting and respect** As a proper Yoruba boy, you're expected to lie down flat when greeting an elder. You were openly chastised outside if you failed in this area, and if you were chastised outside, it meant you had brought disgrace to your parents. If you bright this sort of Shane to your parents when I was younger, you usually weren't spared the rod. My home was slightly more "modern" so to speak, so we weren't beaten as much as others homes. But my mum would make you wish you were stripped naked and beating by just continuously nagging at you. There were different stories I heard about how parents beat their children when I was young that I never experienced. One really funny one to me was wetting the child's back with water after stripping him naked and beating him with a leather belt. Now, so far, I've described what happens if you don't greet someone. Imagine what happens if you disrespect an elder. And disrespect here is very tricky. If you liked at an elder the wrong way, you could be tagged as disrespectful. If you greeted an elder just one tone when you passed and didn't greet on your way back, you were definitely disrespectful. If you maintained eye contact the wrong way (or in any way), you were very disrespectful. Almost anything that rubbed an elder the wrong way could be interpreted as disrespectful. The result was, you would keep how you felt about an older one to yourself and treat all elders with equal respect. 2 **Belief in a God, or gods** Owing to so many problems African countries have, we have sort of learnt to believe in powers greater than ourselves and hoping that the said powers would save us. In Nigeria, it's not so different. As a child, it was very rare to see an atheist. As a matter of fact, I bet say any as a child. It was common to call them names such as "fools", "ignorant"and the likes. I never thought theism could be questioned in any reasonable way until I was a teenager. Only after I started my quest for knowledge did I pay attention to the arguments and realize atheists did have several points on their favor. Overall, I'm closer to being an agnostic as far as religion is concerned, but if I must choose one, I'm still learning towards theism because it doesn't look random to me. I think someone set the whole process in motion and ensures things stay that way. Then, there's quantum physics that clearly suggests to me that the universe is alive and knows when phonomena are being observed. I'll probably write what I understand and don't understand about quantum physics tomorrow. I don't want this article to be lengthy, so I'll stop here. These are the stone of the few traditions that are worth admiring. Every other thing about the country is just revolting. Thanks for reading guys. You're awesome!

Super Human Powers I Would Love To Have From Rick Riordan Verse Hello guys how are you? How your nights were fine? I hope you guys are doing well in these times of COVID-19. Keep taking care of yourselves. I care. Slowly, this year is going again as tomorrow is going to be the first. I hope the passing of time also means the passing of these unachievable situations. Even in this less than pleasant times, we're allowed to hope, wish, and dream no matter how whimsical or fanciful they may be. That's why today, I'll be discussing powers I'd have loved to have based on Rick Riordan's works. As you know, Rick Riordan wrote the Percy Jackson series, the Kane Chronicles, and the Magnus Chase series. This article however, is going to be focusing mostly on the Percy Jackson series (and the continuation, heroes of Olympus) because the Greek gods were just awesome! His version of them had personality and style! They were omnipotent beings who were not above childish bickerings, and promiscuous relationships with mortals that eventually led to the occasional demigod offsprings. In this verse, the big three were Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades, and their children were extremely powerful. They were in fact a tier above the other children. I'll pick my favorite big three demigod powers first and I'll probably talk about the remaining. Or I'll talk about the other powers I love. Or I'll do both. Let's see how it goes. 1 **Poseidon** There's my favorite line from the books that goes something like "Lord of storms, father of horses, all hail Percy Jackson son of the sea god" I may be slightly inaccurate now because it's been a while since I read the books, but those lines are just memorable because of the circumstances surrounding them. Basically, the sons of the Poseidon are basically invincible on water. They can swim to great depths, breathe under water, fend off whole armies single handedly on water. Apart from that, they can create whirlwinds, and have incredible resistance to fire. They have perfect bearings on the sea and can just easily dish out coordinates while they are at sea like they had a map in their heads. Sometimes, they are blessed with the power to shape shift. The children of Poseidon are the coolest of all. Just imagine that they didn't like a whole city, and unfortunately it was a coastal city. They'd easily flood the city without so much as breaking a sweat. I can say without a doubt that on water (which is over 70% of the earth), the sons of Poseidon beat all other demi gods. Also, they have a particular power of interest. They are said to have the whole of the sea in them by virtue of being sons or the sea god. Essentially, even in the absence of water, they could still have emergency water powers but using this ability, while devastating for the unfortunate recipient, could also be fatal to them. For those that don't remember what I'm referring to, I'm talking about the time when Kronos's minions tried to throw Percy into a furnace. He didn't even feel the heat as fast as normal people would, but when the heat was becoming unbearable, he unleashed the powers of the sea on them destroying the entire place and he landed on Calypso's island. For those familiar with Greek myth and Odysseus' story, you'd already guess that the only reason he survived was because the goddess healed him. Speaking of healing, the sons of Poseidon instantly heal most injuries as soon as they touch water. It should be obvious by now that no other demi gods can match these guys. Once in a battle between a son of Zeus and Percy, the battle ended when Percy froze a whole creek of water after making it into a cone and was about to slam it onto the son of Zeus. It was a daughter not a son (Thalia). 2 **Hades** If I must choose another of the big three, it'll be Hades. His children could cause earthquakes and could summon precious stones from the earth by virtue of them being sons of the god of the underworld. And what I think their cool power is is the ability to summon the dead to fight for them. I know, pretty cool! 3 **Zeus** The coolest power is flight I think. But lightning is cool too. But in the book Thalia was autophobic so she never flew. So the power is useless if you fear heights. This - in contrast to Poseidon's children who the sea always calls out to and gives clarity even before they know who they are - is unfortunate. I think they can create whirlwinds too. Their combination with poseidon's children can be something though. Imagine tornadoes, whirlwinds, and lightning just coming at you. You're not going to survive that. I've talked so much about my favorite big three, so I'm just going to tell the coolest powers of my other favorites. 1 **Charm speak (Aphrodite)** Aphrodite's children could do this. They could convince you to do anything for them. Piper once talked a man with a fancy cat into giving her his car amongst other things. To an extent, it worked on Boris, the north wind god. There are technicalities though. A part of the person just want to do what you want him to do. **2 Fire and Engineering (Hephaestus)** Hephaestus's children are immune to fire and can build anything. Giant robots, armor, anything. **3 Magic (Reality warping magic) (Hecate)** Hecate is the goddess of magic so her children can devote themselves to the study of magic and learn to alter reality. 4 **Sleep (Hypnos)** Hypnos's children could put multiple people to sleep at once. Sorry about the lengthy article guys. Hope you enjoyed it though. Thanks for reading. Stay cool.

Serial Movies I've Been Watching Recently Hello guys, how are you doing today? The weather is fairly good here which I consider a huge improvement. I hate the heat because you get all sweaty and irritated. But when the child is much, you could easily cover up. You can't go walking naked all around because it's hot. Anyways, on to what I have for you for today. As we all know, very few things can beat that wonderful feeling of having a bottle of coke in your hands while watching an interesting movie. Today, I'll be walking you through a list of movies I've been watching recently. I'll be talking about mostly seasonal movies. But all the ones I'm watching are really interesting, so you can feel free to check them out. 1 **Sherlock Holmes** I had watched this one a long time ago, but I had forgotten most of it. It's starred by Benedict Cumberbatch. The guy proved he was up to the task of acting the role of the protagonist of the great writer, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. It's about a guy who has extraordinary abilities when it comes to observation and deduction. He decides to use his gifts for solving crime. The whole movie is funny as the guy is usually like Sheldon (in the big bang theory) a bit. He has a friend called John Watson that kind of keeps him in line. The movie has four seasons way having only three or four episodes. Each episode takes about one hour. I'm currently at the beginning of season 4. I can assure you that if you have a taste for comedy and thrill, this movie won't disappoint you. But turn on subtitles on Netflix for this one because Sherlock talks so freaking fast! 2 **One Punch Man** After doing maybe a hundred push ups and running a hundred miles or something like that for about two years, Saitama gains godlike powers. This anime was one that really surprised me because the title says it all and I didn't think they could make an episode of the concept, but they made seasons! He literally obliterates his enemies with one punch. He is pretty invulnerable to any attacks too. The movie is kind of funny for those that get anime humor. He has a disciple and he joined a heroes association. At first, most people thought he was a fraud and maybe staged his feats even when he saved them from real danger, but the truth is always going to be clear to a few at the very least. I stopped at season one because season two isn't on Netflix. I read that it was, but I had to use a VPN with Indian servers to watch it, and when I did it wasn't in English and I like watching in English. If you know a website where I can download one punch man season 2 in English, please let me know. 3 **Baki** I'm only at the beginning of this one, but it's promising to be great later. It's about a guy who has promise in the fighting world as far as I know. His father is probably the greatest fighter ever as is insinuated by the anime. But prisoners on his father's level have escaped to come find him because they want to -according to them- taste defeat. It's still kind of boring to me to be honest because I can't really say who is who for now, but I'll power through it because it has good reviews and I really do see the promise. I'm currently watching it on Netflix and I think a sequel is also even available on Netflix which is more motivation to watch it. I like having all my movies in one place. I don't want think article to be too long, so maybe I'll continue tomorrow. **If you prefer my coke related articles and would like** to see more of them, please let me know, else I'll stick to the boring stuff... Thanks for always supporting me in your own unique way. You guys are wonderful!

Special thanks to @Erdov for the sponsorship... more money and joy to you in this new year...

The School I Teach At And The Situation In The Country Hello guys how are you today? Hope all is going well with you? I've been busy with life and I expect it's been the same for you too. Just try to take today to rest. I care. Today, I'll be telling you what's been up with me and a little bit about the situation in my God forsaken and lawless country. As you guys know, I work in a school as a teacher. I teach the English language. I was also teaching computer at some point, but I was relieved by some corp members. I work there as a part time teacher. I only go to school on days when I have work to do unlike other teachers who have to stay all day from eight in the morning till three in the afternoon. Now, on the outside, even though the pay is small (twenty thousand naira which is less than thirty five dollars a month), all still seems peaceful. But things in this country aren't ever as peaceful as they seem. For example, we've not been paid since November last year when they paid us last. The school should have paid for January by now, but they aren't even talking about December's salary! This is absurd on so many levels and inhumane. And this is almost a norm in the country because there aren't many better options, and compared to some other places of work, we seem to be doing relatively fine. My girlfriend has had to constantly send me money so that I can feed and transport myself to the same school that doesn't pay. My parents also help too. I had written my resignation letter since the tenth of this month giving them a month's notice of my resignation. All that's happening makes me feel a lot better about my decision. I'm glad I'm going to be leaving and have a chance to do better things with my life. I can't overstate how grateful I am too this wonderful platform for just being a ray of hope in this trying times. I am grateful also to the creators of the platform for doing such a fantastic job. It's the situation in this country that makes me sit back some days, think about everything and you don't know when two or three bottles just get emptied in least than a few minutes. Especially in some sunny days. I tell you guys, coke is such pure joy. Especially on sunny days. Don't get me started on the sun. It threatens to roast you right where you stand. The sun here is insane! Another thing in happy about is the people I met on read when I first came. They were so nice and it felt good to have friends in other countries. I think that's so cool. Thanks you all for being nice. It's a pleasure to have you as friends. Thanks for always reading my articles my friends. Especially when they are this boring and don't say much about coke as you guys like to hear me talk about coke. I appreciate everything you do to support me. Thanks for always being there for me. You're awesome guys.

A List of My Favorite Professions Hello guys how are you today? Hope you're doing very fine? I care about you. It's been tough for me generally these past few weeks mainly because things haven't really been going very favorably for me, but as you guys know, there's always a bottle of coke at the end of every tunnel. I'll wait out this period in anticipation. It makes the coke all the more sweeter. Oh sweet sweet coke... Anyways, before I start taking you guys about my deepest come fantasies, let's just get to what I have for you today. I'm going to tell you what I know the most awesome professions are. I'll be eating them on a scale of one to ten, and taking you the pros and cons. I know you guys are smart and can already even guess the first on the list. You guys are great!!! 1 **Coke Seller** This is the greatest profession in the world on a scale of one to ten, this is a perfect ten!!! There's no cons to it. Just being around all those bottles, living with them, breathing them in, feeling the air around them, hmm, sweet sweet feeling. The euphoria you experience every now and then is more than therapeutic. This is the only job you do in the world that ensures you live long even without having to take a bottle! Ironically, you can't do this job and not take coke! There's only so much resistance a man can put up. You feel that living energy that surrounds crates and crates of coke calling to you, whispering your favorite desires in your ears, telling you it's going to be fine and all you need to solve all your life's problems is another bottle. You are only human so you think to yourself, what's one bottle going to do? But you find that the whispers are right. In one swift moment of drinking, you realize that the whispers were right. You're smart (you can only be so dumb after staying around that concentration of coca cola for a while) and you know that if a little helps, now will cure, so you know what to do. You know the now bottles you take, the father away your terrible are from you. Oh... Awesome awesome job in my opinion. As a coca cola seller, you've been gifted the highest honor of distributing the gift of the gods. A real high honor indeed. 2 **Doctors** These guys save lives of people who default on their coca-cola intake. It's a good job for if you love your ego. Every morning, you can easily think to yourself "at least I save lives". Well, I have news for you doctors. You only save lives of people that have run away from the gospel of coke! You're probably not as important as you think, and for that, I give you a rating of five out of ten because at least, you save lives. Oh, and for the cons, they don't usually have a lot of time to themselves. 3 **Coca-cola seller** I'm not going to say much in this article about this awesome job. I'm sure you guys agree with me that it truly deserves a twenty out of ten. 4 **Computer Programmer** So, these guys are the talk of the town now. They can do and undo, and decide what direction the world moves. I don't think they are as pompous as doctors though. They just have much more money because their jobs are more important. But the major con again is that they don't have a lot of time to themselves. But they still are better than doctors because mostly, they can work from home and decide what specific time they want to work. A doctor can't tell his patient to postpone his sickness. So I'll take programmers a good seven out of ten. 5 **Coke Seller** These guys are emissaries of the gods and I'm sure you guys would agree with me when I say we should give them a million on a scale of one to ten... Yes, they break the scale!!! You know what? The more we all think about it, the higher their ratings get because they are just awesome people! Let me know what you think the most awesome jobs are in your own opinion. Note that by commenting you already agree with me that coke seller is the greatest job in the world. That anything you write would be second to coke seller. (: Thanks for reading my humble article. I appreciate all the support I get from you guys. You're awesome!

Special thanks to @zheeshan-jee for the sponsorship... More Bch and subs to you!!!

To Drink Or Not To Drink And How I Smartly Answer The Question Of If God Exists Hello my good people of read hope you're doing great. Take care of yourselves in this period of covid. Today, I answer an important question, and I'll do so in the shortest curtest answer. Does God exist? Yes he does. Who do you think created coca cola! Yes guys I believe there is a God, and he's nice, and wanted to solve all our problems in one go, and voila! Coca cola! Coke, to the best of my knowledge is the solution to all problems, and the ancient Olympians that used to take the drink must have felt bad hoarding all that knowledge, and a century or so ago decided to finally release the secret to the world. This my friends, is the gospel of coca cola, and you owe it to those you live to preach it to them. *Now, to drink or not to drink* I believe you know my answer by now. Obviously, you have to drink. I don't need to defend myself much but I will. First, how can the gods give you a one size fits all solution to all of life's problems and you question using such a panacea? Second, you may have heard blasphemous comments about coca cola, like "coca cola causes diabetes". My good friends, it is a lie. Think about it this way. In Christianity for example, it is believed that the devil doesn't want people to know about God. That's the same way it is with coca cola. Fundamental and supernatural forces of the universe that are dark in nature don't want people to experience true joy, so they spread rumors amongst the elite. "coca cola gives back pain" "coca cola increases your sugar level", "coca cola is going to kill you". Lies I tell you, lies!!! I'll have you know that at my level of drinking, these days, when I pick up a bottle, I feel nothing but joy. I experience in one moment of exhilaration the joy of all those who have drunk before me - coupled with the joy of all those who lift a bottle in holy coca cola worship in the moment -, now, that's pure joy. So brethren, anytime you take a drink, you must think about the property you need from it to draw out the ancient powers of the very same gods that have this drink to us. For example, if you want to cure diabetes, you hold a bottle think "healing" and you down the holy concentrate without a single care in the world. You shouldn't have any doubts because in all religions, doubt kills faith. If you have any questions about coca cola and it's healing properties, you can always ask me because I can say without a doubt that while I'm yet to get absolute enlightenment, I have received more revelation of coca cola than anyone I've ever met, and I owe it to society to definitely share from what I've learnt. Thanks for always reading and supporting guys. You're awesome!!!!

Grateful Hello guys. How are you doing? I hope you're taking care of yourselves as you always do. Thanks for always looking out for me. I am really grateful. Today, I'll be writing about the things she people I'm grateful for in no particular order. But I appreciate all of them with all of my heart. 1 **The Random rewarder** I'm sure you guys know him. He's the nicest bot ever. Many times, I would literally have starved to death, but for the @TheRandomRewarder 's intervention. I needed eleven thousand naira once to seal the deal with my guitar, and only my earnings from readcash here helped me get it. I have constant motivation to write better and more interesting articles and get better as a writer because of the random rewarder's generous motivation. Life in Africa is extremely hard, and the sort of kindness exhibited by this nice bot is rare and impossible to find in Africa. I feel I should say a prayer for the bot and wish it a lot of good things but I don't think the random rewarder is interested in coke and Spaghetti, so I'll just say **more data to your database random rewarder.** You're awesome!!! 2 **My Girlfriend** Before the random rewarder, she was responsible for keeping me alive. She's always been my personal deity watching over me. I feel like she hears my prayers and grants my heart desires. She, without a doubt loves me more than anyone else in the world. I'm lucky to have her. She appreciates the nice comments you all say about her. Especially the ones where I uploaded our picture together. That's a picture of my girlfriend -the kindest woman to me in the whole world! 3 @Theblackdoll and @Ellen-he These two are really really nice to me. I go to Blackdoll on matters involving read when I'm bothered and she makes me feel better. She's one of the nicest people in India! She teaches me little about Indian culture, and religion. She's very intelligent and speaks many languages. My friend Ellen is also very sweet and nice. Never says anything that's not nice and always gets it when I'm joking. She has very good sense of humor. She's from Iran, and I don't really know her personally, but she's really great. Both of them are extremely pretty and married. I'm grateful for them. 4 **Coca Cola** I know I said in no order of importance, but this is very very very very very very very very very important to me! Coca cola helps me cure depression, diabetes, low blood sugar, high blood sugar, malaria and typhoid. When I feel like I'm too excited, I also take coke to stabilize my mood. When I want to take a test, sprite is my go to drink. Drinking the right amounts of coca cola is therapeutic. This is undoubtedly a drink from the gods. The last proof the Olympians were real. Not really the last proof though because they also gave us fire (props to Prometheus). I'll be giving out free tutorials on how to stay healthy with coca cola from time to time because it just feels so selfish hogging all that knowledge. But take five to ten bottles of coca cola a day and you'll thank me in six months. You'll be healthy as an ox. Thanks for reading my article guys. I appreciate everything you do to show you support me. I love you all, you're so dear to me.

More On Life Without Coke And Spaghetti Hello guys how are you? Hope you've all been fine. I know everyone has been busy because life is fully back to normal. Hope the virus isn't as servere in your areas. Take care of yourself and stay safe. Now, judging by the title, I know you would think I'm trying to trick you guys again considering my article yesterday. But I'm really not. Yesterday, I tried so hard to not talk about coke but it's hard. Now today's article is titled "more on Life Without Coke and Spaghetti". Hmmnnn... I just realized that it could mean I'm trying to tell you how love would be without come and spaghetti, but I'm really not. But now that we're on the topic (which I didn't intend), how do you think life would be without those important elements that are coke and spaghetti? It would be boring, and what will we even drink (or eat when we want to eat something good?). I'm always grateful to coca cola for their good works. May they live for ages just like they have given us the key to immortality! Long live coca cola! As promised, I'm not going to talk about coke and spaghetti in this article, and I'll just drop more life lessons that are valuable. I'll continue from where I stopped yesterday. Let's get into it. 1 **Loyalty** Loyalty used to be a key concept in my day. We had friends we'd stay loyal to no matter what. Loyalty could be greatly misunderstood though. It you're loyal to someone, you don't have to always lie to make them feel good. In fact, you have to tell them the truth, and tell them when they are wrong to improve them. Loyalty is more about creating a relationship that you can always stand for and be proud of. Once you choose your friend, or your partner, I think you owe it to them to be loyal for as long as you're together. 2 **Choice** Looks like a strange one in the list, but it's not. A story was once told of a wise King. He solved many puzzles, riddles, and problems alike. He was known far and wide and respected for his great wisdom. But as you would expect, he had people that hated him just because he was a great ruler - people that were always jealous. Once, one of such haters decided to look for a way to embarrass the king and decided he was going to do it by giving him a puzzle he would fail in the eyes of everyone. So he set out for the castle with a butterfly. When he got to the king's palace, he put the butterfly in his hands and closed his palm and asked the king "is this butterfly dead or alive". Almost immediately, the king have the correct answer and said "it's a matter of choice". The concept of choice is very powerful. If you're a student taking a test, cheating is a choice. If you're an adult in the real world, and you're broke, crime is also a choice. Life doesn't force you to do anything. We always have a choice. I see all the bad things happening in our country -the ritual killings, the crime, the inhumanity of the government- and I know the culprits could have chosen better. If everyone understands the consequences of his actions, and can just stop being selfish, then they would see that they have a choice. It's not because you don't have a choice you go into crime, it's because you're selfish, lazy and inhumane. I think about these things and I'm sure by now you guys know what I do when I'm sad. My constant happiness has been linked very closely to my knowledge of the least amount of coca cola to take given the situation. I hope the world would one day be better and we'd only take coke for pleasure not for it's antidepressant properties. Thanks for reading my articles guys. Thanks for the support -the upvotes, likes, and comments. I appreciate them very much. You're awesome!!!

My Candid Advice On Life (I swear I'm not tricking you this time. No soda or spaghetti involved) Hello guys, how are you doing? I hope you're doing really well. I always think of you guys because you're like family to me. I just read an article by the great @Mictorrani on if to reduce posts on read or not and I found it insightful. He argued that no matter how you use what you earn, you should always keep posting despite the temporary fall in value. I just have to say that guy is awesome because his points were just pure logic. I've always been curious about his age because my man knows almost everything about almost everything! I've seen him in so many comment sections dishing out more interesting facts than the original writer of the post had to give. You could write for example a post and name it "interesting facts", and I'll see Mictorrani in the comments giving facts about interesting facts lol. I hope he removed the suspense and tells me his age if not, I'll just continue assuming he's somewhere around thirty five years and looks slightly older because he's love in a library for most of his life lol. Now enough about the more interesting Mictorrani and more about my more boring but relevant post for the day. Today, I'll just be sharing some of the things I grew up believing and ideals I still hold to date. Let's get to it. 1 **Discipline** If I ever start a religion, then it'll have a list god of discipline in it because the fine art of discipline is lost in our time. In my day, we had default answers to every question irrespective of how we truly felt. For example, when you go to visit a friend and he asks "should I get you anything?" We just one the correct answer was "no thanks, I'm fine". Or if someone asks you to take something when he's getting stuff for himself, you just have to decline or take the least expensive item and appreciate it. Or maybe when someone gets you something you don't like, you thank him every time you see him until he's feeling in top of the world. We were trained to never loosen up, or lose our guards. To always keep our shields high. There may be downsides, but it sure beats the downsides to being indisciplined. If I ever have kids that show signs of indiscipline, I'll kick their behinds so hard that to continue living, they'd have to be born again! Some days, I look at the level of decadence and I fall into my habits of drinking again. Kids pass and don't greet and they could even push you out of the way, and when you think about it, you wonder where the world is going to and you don't know when you've downed three bottles of coke... 2 **Priorities** We were raised to have rather altruistic priorities. We didn't want money for the sake of it no matter how poor we were. It's wrong to consider crimes against humanity just because of your own selfish needs. I see kids who are eleven years of age talking about going into internet fraud these days even without knowing what they want to do with the money. They have zero priorities and when I think about the fact that their parents didn't raise them right, I start fidgeting in such a way only coke could cure. My hands start trembling, my nose starts twitching, and it just feels like the world is wrong (may be because I'm missing coca cola though). You know what guys, I'm realizing that it's like I'm taking about my drinking habits already and I promised you guys no coke talks, so I'm going to stop here. But you must realize the truth guys. The reason I drink so much is that the world we live in is so bad right now that we need things as good as coca cola to cure the evil and temporarily take our minds off of them. Disclaimer: I don't have a drinking problem. The world has a problem, and genius me has discovered a drinking **solution. (;** Thanks for reading my articles guys. I appreciate the comments and stuff. I'm sorry if you're tired of hearing about coca cola, but it's just such a good drink! I'll try not to talk about it in my next article if you really don't like it. If you don't like it, just let me know. You're awesome!!!!

A Few More Important Things To Note And Other Things Hello guys. How are you doing? I hope you're fine. Hope you keep taking care of yourselves.Your all knowing life coach cares about you. Today, I'll be telling you more about how to live your life because it has come to my notice that most people don't know how to. This is going to be exciting because I know you guys enjoy it when I tell you you're not living right and I gently explain what you should do to you. 1) **Coca Cola** Yes. This is the ultimate drink as you know by now. But while I've told you how to use it for child development, I've said nothing about how you can use it to improve yourself. So I'll just get into it because this is done really big secret most people don't know. **When you're sad** Take three bottles of coke over a period of 10 minutes. If you're suffering from clinical depression, then you can totally cure it in three months by taking five bottles of coke every day. I'm sure you guys know where I'm going with this. Yes, you guessed correctly. Coke is the bringer of ultimate happiness and joy in life. It can cure all ranges of sadness. Be careful though because it's been scientifically proven that if you take just the right amount of coke in a day, you would lose the ability to be sad temporarily. Don't question my wisdom guys, just do what I ask and thank me when you get results. **When you want to study or need to make smart decisions** This one must be obvious to you guys now right? The answer is in sprite. Anytime you want to take a quiz, or you have an examination or anything like that, you definitely need to take sprite. Take lots and lots of it. But I know you guys like it when I'm specific, so I'm going to do just that. If you want to perform at 140 iq, then take 5 bottles of sprite the day before, and give the specified day before the test. You don't necessarily have to do it that way as long as you take ten within 48 hours of the test you'll be fine. This is a tried and true method. So, there's soda rules for every situation in life and if you need advice on anything, you could always ask me. 2 **About Alcohol** My view on Alcohol is simple. Suicide is a way better option than alcohol!!! Definitely don't take alcohol. It's bad in every way. Can give you diabetes and a bunch of other problems. Think about it this way. What if someone told you that he could make you mad for a few hours with what he calls "holy elixer", would you take his offer? No!!! Because you're smart people! Now that's exactly what alcohol does to you! I dare you to name one thing that's been done by a mad man that's not been done by an alcoholic. You wouldn't be able to fulfill my dare. We're talking about sleeping in the gutter, mumbling to oneself, acting irrationally, unnecessary violence, Lack of perspective, etc. There's no reason to take alcohol. **Goodnews though** When you do take alcohol, I have a cure for all your problems. But alcohol is so bad that the cure may not be feasible. You'll see what I mean. I am going to recommend that you take three bottles of sprite and one bottle of coke to get back to normal. But the problem is that you already drank yourself to stupor, so you'll be too filled for the right drinks. You're almost a lost cause if you're drunk. **How to cure adiction** Once you accept that it's bad, and you want to get over it totally, here's what to do. Take your ice tray and fill it with an equal mixture of sprite and fanta. Ice the mixture. Every time you want to take a beer, or whatever nonsense it is you're addicted to, add six small cubes of the iced mixture and you'll start feeling the need to add more over time. Then you'll do that as you please until you can't get enough of the coca cola. Then you'll get to a level where you now take coca cola and add a little alcohol until you skip the Alcohol completely. Now, in the spirit of being specific I'll tell you this. In the case of chronic addiction, you'll get over it in a month if you never skip the addition of the mixture. Such is the power of the actual holy elixer. Now, you've learnt some valuable life lessons from me today again. Don't bother thanking me because just like you're grateful for learning, I'm grateful I get the chance to teach you great wisdom that will now be passed to three next generation. This sweet nectar of the gods that is called coca cola is a great invention and has different variants, and one of these days, I'm going to teach you how to destroy your enemies with coca cola. But before I give you such great powers, I must ensure that you have good hearts so that my knowledge wouldn't be used for evil. Thanks for always reading and supporting my articles guys. You're awesome!

(not) More Ground Rules From Your Favorite Life Coach Hello good people of read. How are you? Hope you're living well? Your self proclaimed -but absolute- life coach cares about you. Yesterday was fun because I taught you how to raise a baby to be smart and strong and have a good stature. We learnt that as far as diet goes, coca cola and spaghetti is all you need for healthy living. This is the absolute truth, let no man deceive you! You guys hid your excitement about yesterday's post very well (and I know you were excited because I know everything!), but I don't want to overwhelm you with all the good stuff I have to offer so I will try not to give you more rules for good living today. Life is a very slow journey, so we're going to take things slowly here. Now why don't I tell you about my day yesterday? I started off the day like any other day. Thinking about my girlfriend from the moment I woke up. I think I called her on WhatsApp but it didn't go through or something, so I took my bath and headed for the school where I teach. It's a secondary school which I'm going to be quitting next month. I had just one class for the day. But it was sort of eventful. I interpreted a poem to them the class before, and now I explained a comprehension passage in the class yesterday. Along the line, I found out they removed their class captain and didn't even replace him. That, to me stood out as lawlessness. I explained to them that that was the stuff off mediocre minds. I told them that great minds understand law and order. I proceeded to ask questions about why they removed their forget captain because I knew he was one of the decent ones. They had a bunch of complaints though. I educated them there and then about what to look for in a leader main things being accountability, fairness, honesty and a fair amount of rigidity that prevents him from playing favorites or succumbing to bullying. I made him apologize for his wrongs and I reinstated him. Now, all the while,I kept thinking to myself "these children are dull. If only their parents had given them sprite as babies and maybe spaghetti because they looked so fragile". I'm just happy my children would be way smarter and stronger. After school, I headed over to meet someone who is like a mum to me, and we talked for a while then I went to my hostel. I called a piano playing friend of mine and we went to a church with bad sound, so we had to leave almost immediately, then went to practice with another singer friend of ours. We stayed till around nine pm. I got back to the hostel tired and couldn't even talk much with my girlfriend. Could only say goodnight to her. Then I slept and had my usual nightmares and wine up this morning to write on read. Just another Friday for me. (:

A Proper Introduction Of Your Favorite Life Coach And A Few Ground Rules Hello guys. Hope you've been better than well? Someone is here that cares. Please take care of yourselves the way you know best. Coz no one will do it better than you (except you're lucky and have my girlfriend who watches over me like a true goddess of old would). (: While unofficially, I've been teaching you guys how to live life large, I haven't formally introduced myself as I've in a position of great authority should. This article is going to do just that, and establish a few of the rules we've laid down and maybe expatiate on some of them. My name is Bolu, but you can feel free to keep calling me Lucifan. If anyone is curious about why Lucifan, the answer is simple. The devil is a really nice, and fun guy. He's here on read cash as @Lucifer01 . And for the ladies, he's extremely handsome, so if you're single, he may also be single. He has a best friend called maze that can tell you more about him if you're interested. The details of my name can be covered in more details later if you're interested, but let's get to the good stuff now. I know you guys like the laid down rules and regulations I give you because of how truthful and absolute they are. Here we go guys. 1 **Breastfeeding and The Absolute Drink** I'm sure you guys know my take on the ultimate drink, but I'm still going to state it just so there's no confusion. **Coca cola rocks!!!** Now don't worry, this is related to the topic I started above. If you want absolutely normal children (with a chance at even all sorts of metal disorders), then sure, go ahead and breastfeed. If you want **smart kids**, then follow the instructions below. Get a feeding bottle Pour half of breast milk or any milk for that matter (or even water!!!). Fill the remaining space with a bottle of coke. Feed exclusively this to your baby three times daily and no less (could be more). Next **if you want genius level intellect or higher, do the following.** Start as before and get a feeding bottle. Fill it half with any liquid like before. Skip the last step mentioned above. Fill the entire bottle with a bottle of sprite. Feed this to your baby three times a day and no less (as with before, it could be more). Watch this piece of brains grow. Just picture it. A whole bunch of Einsteins walking around your house. Just beware of pedophilia because smart is definitely the new hot! Now, we've covered the brains section let's talk about having brawns. If you want your child to have raw strength when he grows, do the following. First, go read my tutorial on my favorite recipe where I described how to cook spaghetti. Follow the instructions and for the love of christ, **don't break the spaghetti!** Grind the mixture and dilute it with milk or water. Get a feeding bottle and pour it in the feeding bottle. Feed this to your child morning and night. Watch the giants described in the legends come to life before your very eyes. Do this consistently for six months and thank me later. For both brawns and brains, you have to do the first description or second and the last together. Now you may get smart ideas and decide to break the spaghetti. **What will happen if you break the spaghetti and feed it to your baby?** I'll tell you because it's my work as your life coach. Sure, your baby would grow with the strength of a thousand men, but he'll definitely be mishapen. Now stop asking silly questions and do exactly as I say to the letter and thank me in words, dollars or even crypto currency as your baby matures. Tomorrow, I'll continue with the ground rules for healthy living if I'm motivated in the comments, else I'll drop them from time to time as I'm inspired. You're lucky to have me as your life coach because I'm the only one in earth right now that knows all the things I teach you. You're welcome. Thanks for always reading and supporting. I love you all, you're awesome!!!

(Not) A List Of My Favorite Countries Hello my good friends of read. Hope you've been fine. I have been well thank you. I've been dealing with life and stuff. I'm still working at my usual place and I'm quitting on the tenth of next month. I hope to find myself early this year and forge ahead with life. Enough of the rambling. On to what I have today. Today, I'll do my usual thing and not tell you what I like. That's boring. Telling you what I don't like however is more fun. So I'll be telling you what country you definitely shouldn't visit. Again, I warn you, take me extremely seriously because my words are unarguable truths and must be treated as such. Everything that comes out of my mouth is fact, and everything I shall discuss with you guys must not be taken lightly. Now on to the absolute list of countries you shouldn't visit. 1 **Nigeria** Simple reason is Nigeria is synonymous to hell fire. The country has a lot of insecurity issues and the government not only does nothing, but is rumored to benefit from it at times. I'm not even going to talk about the corruption by the said government coz it's just ridiculous! Since we gained independence from the British, it's been a downward spiral. People have turned to crime just to survive, and it's just sad. Just outside where I live, if you get out of the street and get to the main road, you'll see a lot of accidents there every single day. Bike men are so impatient and their lives don't even matter to them. They just want to drop the next passenger (either dead or at the destination whichever happens doesn't matter) and collect their money. This country is a mess. 2 **NIGERIA** So, I made it bigger this time in case you missed it the first time. If someone tells you there's a mountain of gold in this country and it's yours for the taking, quickly take a ticket, and board a plane to the other end of the world! Nigeria is that terrible! You're much better living on the streets of, say, anywhere in the united kingdom than you are properly housed here in Nigeria. The best and most flourishing state is our former capital -Lagos. But it's filled with mad people! Mad people I tell you. They drive like they are tired of life, they stay in traffic like they just are fated to die on the road, and the noise from the industries helps to keep them mad. It's insanity everywhere. I went to stay with my cousins once and whenever it was time to cross the road, I felt they should have warned me to say my last prayers first because they could have been it! They cross while the cars are at full speed because if you don't cross like that, you'll probably stay there all day. The city is over populated and there're no measures properly taken to cater for the needs of the people. The industries are all in populated areas which is just crazy. When you leave Lagos state, that's when you notice the was always noise. Noise that threatened to drive you insane. It's why Lagos people are so aggressive. 3 **NIGERIA!!!!!!** Now, these are the only three countries you must avoid with your life. I'll now tell you some jokes that have been made that I don't think are really jokes. Someone said "if I die please put the Nigerian flag on my grave so that good would know I've already been to hell once". This is no joke as when I started, I already announced that Nigeria was hell! Also, people here believe Bolt can't be the fastest man alive. Sure he competes with his pet cheetah or whatever, but the average "gala" (branded sausage rolls) seller in Nigeria has to keep up with cars on a daily basis just to sell to sell to customers!!! Now, this is another life lesson you've learnt from your life coach, and maybe the saddest so far. Now life isn't truly say unless you're in Nigeria. Just stay in your current non Nigerian country and give thanks that at least you're not in hell. Thanks for reading my friends. You're awesome!!!

Auto Correct Fails We depend on our phones for a lot these days. For me, I'm always surfing the Internet, playing games or maybe reading an ebook. When reading books, I think about how some writers come up with the details for their novels and I usually want to ask them "Are you proud of your browser history?" I don't know about you but I don't think I can willingly show my browser history to the cops. Here's why; whn I write, I always research about the topic especially when I'm writing stories. I always like to know how things should be done and when I read a novel, I usually look up some things I might have read there, so I always do some research. Now, some risky things you may find on my browser history include how to murder a person with a knife from the back, awfully specific isn't it? Now imagine the cops come trying to search my browser history for some proof or something and they find that, how am I supposed to explain myself to them? It is for this reason that I started browsing in incognito mode so stop I know that incognito does nothing to truly hide my digital footprint, but I trust my country's policemen, they are not going to go the extra mile to do an in depth actually check. I can always count on them to be inefficient haha. Now, for today's topic, have you ever made the mistake of typing in the wrong thing or have autocorrect changed it from something you wanted to type into something entirely different and probably offensive or ridiculous? Today I'm going to give you some examples of them. "A. - Your mum and I are going to divorce next month B. - What??? Why? Call me please! A. - I wrote Disney and this phone changed it" I can only imagine the mental distress that child must have gone through in the space of a few seconds before the explanation came in. What if A's batter died and he/she didn't get the second text for a few hours, that will be brutal "A. - Hey any chance you have some wonder? A. *windex B. - So much wonder" The last sentence makes me laugh so hard. Friends who play along with your eccentricities are just awesome. A. - "I think I keep getting messages or missed calls or something B. - From who? A. - Some woman named Betty Low... B. - Uhn, BATTERY LOW?!? A. - YEAH THAT'S IT!! While this is not exactly a problem with autocorrect, it is still hilarious. A in this case acted as the autocorrect. This reminds me of an old joke where a child told his mum that a lady was always picking up the dad's phone whenever he called. The mother in a fit of rage attacked the husband only to find out that the lady on the phone was only the voice of the operator saying "the number you have dialed is unavailable, please try again later." A. - How are you! We haven't talked in a while B. - I'm okay I guess A. - Aw what's wrong B. - I'm kinda sad, I just sold my grandma for $2, 000 A. - You sold your grandma?! Haha oh wow, my grand am. My car B. - That was so funny! Poor granny! Haha, I wouldn't want to be in granny's shoes. I'm just glad she didn't call the cops first before clarifying. Although, that would have been so much fun. A. - Hi beautiful daughter, Arthur needs a hair cut. Do you have anything Friday afternoon or Sat? B. - Hello, No idiot I'm booked solid. I book out 1 - 2 weeks now. Tell him sorry Omg!!! It's supposed to say no I DON'T NOT IDIOT. WTF Sorry mother lol!!! Stupid auto spell Lmao" I find this one so funny because I'm imagining if she had made that mistake with an African mom. She may have to appease the gods and all her ancestors to get out of it haha. This is where I'll stop, please share your own autocorrect fails with me. Thanks to my girlfriend for writing this for me. Without her, I'd have failed to post today.

Photo Challenge? Hello my good friends. I'm happy you've all been learning from me all the important lessons of life. You've learnt from my previous articles that life is bad, coca cola is good, and thou shall not break spaghetti. Today, I'm going to be attempting to do @Theblackdoll 's challenge. Now prepare to see the beauty the devil of whom I'm a fan has bestowed upon me. First, this is the oldest picture of me I have. It's the first photo I took with the phone and it's less than a year old. My hair used to be so full even up till that time and I wore the traditional bead I got from serving my country in the north then. Now the bead is gone. :( I rarely take photos, so I've may just be as bad as the other, but this is the most embarrassing photo I have... It shows my stomach is big at the sides, but I'm trying to force or six packs lol. Alright guys, I definitely had no clue what this was about. I don't even know why I was taking these pictures. No one asked me to take them. I guess I was just bored senseless. This is not definitely my favorite as after a year you're bound to have taken some good ones. There are some where I smiled better and things like that but I just decided to choose this one because I like the haircut and the glasses. This is probably my just memorable picture because it was the first time I'm cut my hair this low in years. My hair is like this till date. What do you guys think? Is this haircut better than the full one? Please do let me know what you think. This is my girlfriend and I when we went to an historical site. From the top of this rock, you can see the entire city. It was where the ancient people his from the attackers. Another version of the myth just clearly states that the rock swallowed it's people and after the war, spat them out again. It was fun going there with my girlfriend. In fact it was her idea, and I reluctantly went because I don't like to go out. This is the closest I have to a group photo. Me and my awesome girlfriend. If not for her, I won't have any friends in real life. That's one more reason I always say I'm lucky to have her. My most recent picture of me. My girlfriend always asks me to take pictures and send to get and that was why I took this one. I took it on a Sunday on my way to church. Now, that's the end of my photo Challenge guys. Really key me know which was better. My full hair or the low one. I cut my hair majorly because it was hard to maintain as my hair is naturally hard. Hope you guys enjoyed my article even though it wasn't as funny as usual. Don't worry, tomorrow, I'll resume writing my usual stuff. Remember the lessons you've learnt from me, and if there's any interesting and funny topic you want me to speak on, request and I'm do my best to keep teaching you how to live life. You're awesome guys.

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A List Of The Major Nigerian Tribes And How To Identify Them Hello guys. Thanks for the support I've received from you in the past few days. I'm really grateful. I read a friend's article and it was doing something I hated and trying to be suspenseful, so I did the proper thing and skipped to the end to find out what was really going on. Then I proceeded to enjoy her nice style of writing. I'm talking about @Daria and get post called "alarmed" I think. That's her yesterday's post. Things like that really make me happy. You know, getting a chance to make things right by fixing what's wrong with things. Guys, if you're familiar with my articles now, then you'll know this is me giving you an absolute approach to life again and telling you what the absolute right thing to do is in a given situation. Now my friends, next time you're reading one of these thrillers -eg anything that has the name Dan Brown on the author's spot-, just do the proper thing and go to the end of the novel and see what's happening a bit. Check what characters are mentioned and see if they survive or are wounded or are dead. This way, you save yourself from heart attacks like my friend Daria would have given me had I not known what to do. When you're following a series and there's a new episode out, do the proper thing and go online to look for spoilers because spoilers rock and suspense sucks. That's your take away from your favorite life coach -me - today. You're welcome by the way. Today, I'll be telling you of the only three tribes you need to know anything about to be a master of Nigerian culture like me. I'm a master of almost every culture in the world because I'm the number one citizen of the world. In fact, there are some cultures I don't know anything about and those are the cultures that don't exist. (: Now before we go into this ultimate guide to Nigerian culture or Nigeria for dummies -or whatever you want to call this absolute master class- there are somethings you need to know. First, you'll get better with time at identifying them with time, but you'll never be as good as me. Next, there'll be a lot of people that'll disagree with me, but when you meet them, tell them to shut their faces because you received tutorials from the one who Google goes to when there's something it doesn't know. Now, before I start bragging, let's get to it. 1 **Igbo tribe** There's one easy way to identify them. Anyone you see that's fair skinned is igbo. Anyone that's very fair skinned is very igbo. There are a few exceptions but if I decided to state the rules that will help you know them... Well, let's just say it's easier to make all the petite that aren't fair skinned and igbo! Now thanks to me, when you come to Nigeria, you know instantly where one third of the people fall. My tutorials are accurate and even easy! Don't you wish I were you math teacher!!! 2 **Yoruba tribe** This one is a little tricky. But I'll simplify it for you my friends. When you see a non igbo guy that easily scares then you have a yoruba person. For example, if you enter a room and say "I'll slap you", the farthest people from you are likely to be yoruba people. Other things you'll use to identify them are: they aren't as good at business as the igbo people, and they aren't as dark as the hausa people. 3 **Hausa tribe** These are the courageous ones. If you don't want a heart attack, don't let a Hausa man drive you on a bike (or even a bicycle for that matter!!!). They are the darkest of them all. Also, they have better business sense than the yorubas. I guess a sense of self preservation is the best thing about yorubas. Also, they are they must educated ones. Guys and girls, feel free to say thank you in the comments. You now know all -and I mean all-there is too know about a whole country! You can also ask me any thing that's not clear in the comments. Thanks for always reading my articles and commenting. You guys are awesome!

Special thanks to my special guardian and encourager. I'm talking about @theblackdoll. She's decided to renew her support for me. I'm forever grateful to you my guardian and friend. You're awesome!

My Favorite Secondary School Hello guys, how are you doing? I'm very fine. I've been excited so day and I almost have no idea why. It could be because of the drugs I'm on but it's good to see the ancient Bolu coming back. I was able to listen to music, practice guitar, read a novel, watch Netflix and do all the things I used to love doing before all my health issues started. I'm grateful for the support I get from my girlfriend without which I'll be lonely, broke, depressed and extremely sad. She's the only friend I have in real life now, and she's so great, I never feel like I need another! I'm happy a lot of you liked today's article (I am writing this for tomorrow so when you get it, it'll be yesterday's article). It almost made me cry to get that much attention in the comments. I'm especially grateful one of my biggest guardians loved it and found it funny. I'm talking about @BCH-lover ... It could be the drugs again but I felt happy about it like a real person (I found out that my strong aversion to rice makes it hard to decide if I'm a real person or not, so I'll probably be pointing out things that make me a real person lol). I also acknowledge @Rezanur who have me a brilliant idea to cover the pot of rice when dishing out my recipe to make the rice go boom boom as all rice in the world should. You're awesome my man! Enough about that. Let's talk about what I have for you now. I'm going to tell you about my favorite Secondary School. I went to two secondary schools. One for my junior secondary school and another for my senior secondary school. They were the best in the area and probably even the state. Definitely two of the best in the country if you ask me. My first secondary school was very interesting. It was where I became the man I am now. I learnt to be lone and seclusive. I found my real self there. I even got to hate rice there! They fed us rice every day just because they thought every one would like it. Now there's one thing about me when it comes to food. I have great tendency to be free of all prejudice and hate all food equally! So giving me one dish every day is going to do it for me. It doesn't even matter that it's cooked differently under different names like "rice and stew" "jollof rice" "fried rice" etc. Bolu isn't deceived. Rice is rice, and it is worthy of hate like all other dishes! The funny thing is I ate once a day there because I was still discovering the right way to live (now I know that the way to live is to drink soft drinks and not easy at all). I couldn't eat all the varieties of food I had there and as a child with good sense of feeding, I was already showing signs that I would one day hate them all. Rice was on most days the one for I could take. The one food that made me happy was bread with egg. I learnt early to give out my rice during the week for bread on Sundays. I was a healthy kid mostly because of all the food I didn't eat. Now I'm a healthy man because I know the secret of healthy living. You have a company called coca cola to thank for my great strength and nervous energy. Some day, when I'm ninety nine and still able to lift a car to save a child out of sugar high, I'll write a book called the next best thing to eternal youth. Watch out for my book in the year 2096 because I'm be ninety nine then. Back to my secondary school. I was taught great discipline also in my secondary school. Needless to say we were almost unrivaled when it came to academics, but what I really love now is the discipline I got then. We weren't allowed to wave or acknowledge our parents in any way if they came to visit on non-visiting-days. I'm not exaggerating. You'd be called out on the assembly and properly thrashed. Thanks to them, I've grown into a man almost always unfettered by the chains of emotions. I do the things I need to do without thinking and I don't even feel must emotions if I'm being honest with myself. I had forgotten what it was like to miss anyone before my girlfriend. And she is the only one I ever miss. Needless to say I don't ever miss my parents no matter how long it's been since I saw them. Such is the discipline the right school can give you. I will definitely never forget my favorite Secondary School because much of what I am, I owe to them : the love for trivia, the value I place in intelligence, the inhibitions that keep me from being bad... No, my school was great! It wasn't all good there though. I didn't have a lot of friends. Probably you're right about me. I'm barely human when it comes to social interactions. I'm rigid and most people don't like that, so I don't do well with most. I'm a bit eccentric too and that doesn't help. So, mostly I was excluded from social events. I used to be good at running, but the other kids would totally ignore me when they wanted to go and run. I remember I would take my bag, use it as a pillow and lie down on my back during my free time in the evening when we just be on the field (or in the hall for fellowship). The sun would start setting soon after and my school was surrounded by mountains. I would watch the sun set over the mountains and watching all that blue and purple (and maybe reddish yellow I'm not great at these things) was how blue undoubtedly became my favorite color. Closing note: I felt this was worth talking about because much of my personality was either determined there or determined by my secondary school. Despite my personal problems with people there, I think of it fondly. How was your experience in your secondary school guys?

How To Properly Cook Rice Hello good people of read. Hope you're doing well today. I have been having it rough recently and I've not been able to attend to a lot of things. I'm sorry if I've not been as active as much as I once used to. Hope you guys forgive me. I know you do coz I know you're awesome! Thanks for being so awesome! Today, I bring you another one from my kitchen. A special place where the don'ts are given priority. I believe in Sherlock Holmes' method. I can't quote him, but it's something about eliminating the wrong options to get the right options. I think that's an obvious but smart way of doing things, hence it's probably an obviously smart way. Don't mind me guys in just joking around. Even I don't understand myself when I'm like this so don't even bother trying. Anyways I'll be giving you the ultimate instructions on the art of cooking rice. Bear in mind that I definitely hate rice and want you to hate it too. That important information given, let's dig into preparing a meal of your nightmares. First, you have to talk about the ingredients. First, you have to get rice. But this is the worst decision you can ever make. It ties with not eating spaghetti (unbroken) every time you get the chance! Yes my friends, it's that heinous in Bolu's kitchen rule book which is in fact, the ultimate guide to life in the kitchen. If you decide to carry on with this bad decision, then fine, I'll try to help you do the right thing. In my country, we have standard cups for measuring rice sorry I don't know the equivalent in other countries, but I think you'll still benefit from this awesome tutorial. So, if you're in any country, measure any medium sized cups of rice and boil it till it turns black. Either add water, or don't to make the blackning faster. Then add half -the number of cups of rice- cups of salt to the mixture.. Water is necessary at this point because nothing is ever truly gruesome without a little dirty wetness. Stir the mixture. If you can stir conveniently, you've not done a good job of cooking the rice so leave on fire a bit longer until the rice is black and has stuck to the pot totally. Remove it from fire. If you have a sense of what should be -like I do- then you know what's coming. Yes my friends, you throw away the pot with the contents and then burn the refuse in the incinerator because rice is trash! Disclaimer: I was just kidding guys. I wrote this to show such hatred as I have for rice. In fact, I was going to add that of you had enough money, you should leave the rice on fire for as long as you can till you burn down the house if you have extra houses because cooking rice in a house defiles it, but while that would have shown something closer to my true feelings for rice, I decided it would be too graphic, so I didn't! (: I love you all. You're worth more than all the rice in the world to me. (: (: (:

My Favorite Tortoise Stories (4) Hello my good guys and girls of read. Hope your day went very fine. My day was exciting to say the least. First, I got another guitar courtesy of my girlfriend and my mum, and I spoke with said girlfriend for two hours apart from the video call we did. She's such a darling. I also fixed a guitar for an older friend of mine. This required that I spent a lot on transport and moved a long distance, but he paid back and it was a guitar related journey so I didn't mind. I also went to sound check the guitar I just bought. I did this at another older friend of mine's place. We compared how playable it was too the former guitar. We also compared the pure acoustic sound with the electrically amplified sound. It was a good day for me. I've been writing interesting tortoise stories since and I want to end it today. I hope I'll be able to come up with something else for tomorrow. Let's get to it guys. 1) **Why The Lizard Always Nods It's Head.** I know this doesn't sound like a Tortoise story, but let's see what he did this time. Once upon a time the lizard held a party and didn't invite our good friends the tortoise. For some reason (maybe pride, and over inflated ego), this didn't sit well with the tortoise. He then decided to get back at the lizard for this. He organized a party of his own where he invited every body and then conveniently forgot the actual time was three hours after the time he told the lizard. In fact, he went as far as promising a lot of varieties and told the lizard not to easy before coming. Indeed, there was a variety at the party. There was so much to eat, and it was so delicious that even after they were full, they kept eating. By the time the lizard got to the party, almost everyone was still there, but only because they were too fill to stand up and go to their houses! As soon as the tortoise saw the lizard, I believe that conversation went something like : "hello my friend lizard. You're late to my party why?” "what do you mean I'm late? I came right on time it says 6pm on the invitation you have to me right here." "Oh my goodness that must have been a mistake from my child who hand typed all the invitations. How could he have done that! But my friend lizard how could you have thought a party would start by six?" "Well you know how everyone thinks you're.. you're... You're... weir...err... No... Eccentric""oh lizard my friend I can understand. So this was why you didn't invite me to your party." "I'm sorry" "oh no no no... Don't be sorry if not I'll have to be sorry about this too" "you're so funny, but I'm so hungry. I didn't eat all day because you asked me not to." The lizard must have been salivating so much that the tortoise advised him to go to the kitchen and take some remnants of he could. Now maybe because the lizard lived so far or for some other reason, the option liked appealing to him. I guess he just wanted a taste of what others got to take. He found a particular bone with a little chunk of meat and that was the best he could find. Every other bone was striped dey because -as I said-it was delicious. The lizard put it in his mouth and wanted more but there was none. He had no choice but to keep battling with the piece of bone he was holding and from there he pounced in other bones he saw in hope that he'll get the delicacy he just enjoyed. In the process of doing that, one bone got stuck in his tiny throat and for reasons beyond me, he couldn't get it out. So he developed a habit of nodding in hopes that he could get it out and I guess either his children were born with bones in their throats and have to nod ease themselves or the habit got passed down through genes if you believe in such things. Hope you enjoyed my story guys. Thanks for reading and supporting in various ways. I'm always grateful.

Sorry I couldn't reply to comments and posts today my friends. I had a really busy day. All I could do was write the article for tomorrow. (I always write articles for the next day coz my days tend to get busy). I love you all and you mean much to me. Special shout out to @lucifer01 @princessbusayo @theblackdoll... Thanks for the generous tips.