I don't know if everyone else feels this way but I don't like being touched; I mostly feel uncomfortable and mostly excuse myself from a situation that would require me a person to come I'm contavt with me way more than a few seconds, except you're one of my two sisters or probably my best friend.. you may find this weird, In fact I sometimes search it on the internet as well- the keyword is "why don't I like being touched" unfortunately I havent seen any satisfactory anewer. This weird feeling gets even worse during depression... one moment I'm okay, the next I'm depressed and I simply wanna be alone while avoiding the slightest form of communication and contact with any living organism.
Yesterday was a really weird one; my cousins were around me as usual came to my room to keep me company but I guess it was quite the opposite as I do not need anyone to keep me company but myself...I guess thay needed some company hence decided to come over to my room- at that point I was feeling like me; zero depression and mood was exactly perfect and whatchamacallit until for no reason depression set in and I had to excuse myself from the room. I've been thinking about what could possibly have triggered depression at this point then I realised it was probably due to the fact that there was constant body contact with my cousins while they came to my room, I avoided this as many times as possible with everything within my power but some thing just can't be controlled... I'd get into this shortly;
Those kids; one 19, the other 15 came out of nowhere and decided to keep themselves company by coming to stay in my room, they were on bed with me at some point but some mistakes really happened, big mistakes; they were watching videos on their smartphones but it turned out that not everyone had the discipline of keeping to themselves; there was body contact at some point which wasn't comfortable because I don't appreciate being touched, I had to move few inches away but few seconds later one of my cousins placed his hands on my shoulder (at this point I was beginning to lose my mind); moved few inches away once more but it turns out body contact is a part of human relationship that can't be escaped afterall they came to the room to keep me company but I didn't need this company as I enjoy my own company and "alone" has always been the keyword from childhood.
I at some point couldn't take it anymore; I simply like the "me" thing and human contact is a bit detrimental to my mental health hence my mood moved to the upside down lane and I only had to excuse myself from the room without giving them a hint of what was happening.... I couldn't tell them "your company is enjoyable but don't touch me". I excused myself from the room and simply went to the dining room for some privacy as I couldn't take it anymore and was already beginning to feel depressed...... was there for about 30 minutes until I noticed both cousins were out of my room before finally returning to my privacy.. mood didn't get better because depression doesn't simply leave like a switch that can be turned on or off..
It turns out that my depression is sparked by a very insignificant factor but body contact is a very significant factor for me; I have no idea why I feel like this each time body contact is maintained far more than the usual 5 seconds of pleasantries (hugs and handshakes).....
Maybe I need to see a psychologist about my problems of not wanting to be touched because it's getting worse as time passes and I'm constantly risking depression from a simple handshake...
I'm depressed but I won't commit suicide, I'm stronger than that...
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
I like being touch, in fact I like being touch !!!. But some don't and if you feel its can be a disaster to your health, I think communication go a long way, you can explain to your cousins or people around you, I'm sure they will understand.