A Warm Hug From My Father

I'm so weak lately and lost interest in everything. My heart is empty and also can't feel anything. I mean I feel it but I don't want to face it. I evaluate myself last night why I act like this and I realize that it's because I was too comfortable in my zone that I don't want to be get disturbed or feel in trouble.

I live alone and no one wakes me up in the morning to do the chores. No one pressuring me to find a job. No one controls me to everything I do and last, no one will get mad if I make a mistake. I'm so comfortable with this state but still can't escape the stress.

I tackle this in my past article that since my brother went here I started to changed, from a daily hustler to a lazy pig. I eat, sleep and repeat for 2 weeks because of stress. My savings in my wallet is slowly depleting and you won't believe, as of now I only have $1.75.

I have 0.8 BCH or $299 last March 16 in my wallet and I spent most of it to my brother just to have back my space and peace I let him move out to other house. I bought him things he will use to the dorm he would stay. Only 0.4 BCH or $75 left in me and the half of it I use to pay for my apartment. I spent the remaining for my food for 2 weeks till it gone to $1.75. I didn't expose myself in crypto world and let myself procrastinate. I entertain myself watching videos on different socials and it result me broke now.

Even nothing left I didn't mind. I said I will let things to happen but deep in me it's already heavy. I want to open it but to who? To Mom? To boyfriend? No! I don't want them to get stress. To my father? I already share it here that I don't have news from him and if I got I will not try to have communication with him because he might hurt me just like what he did before cause he is abusive father.

I'm watching news in YouTube in the middle of night when suddenly I remember him. It seems someone whispher to my ears and say, "Tell it to God". I guess it is my guardian angel. I paused and think if when is the last time I pray deeply? When is the last time I visit his house? And when is the last time I heard his word?

I would be honest that I often ignore him and forgot to thank the blessings he gives. I always do my own and put him behind. I feel guilty and bad.

I search for online mass and listen to his word from his mediator. This is Tagalog mass and the message touch my heart.

After watching this video I feel his presence. I cried and felt that he hugged me. All the words sinks in me and I'm comforted. I forgot that I have father who loves me so much, that he always guarding me from harm and giving me my needs and wants. I forgot that he never neglected me not even once, that he always put me first even I put him behind. He never leaves I just forgotten to call him.

I fired up! I suddenly remember the things I want in life, my goals and dreams why I need to hustle hard. His touch makes my mindset get back on track.

I sleep with tears and with joy in heart knowing that I'm not alone, that I shouldn't be worried cause he heard all the burdens inside of me even I didn't spill it out.

Lead Image Source

"I'm with you always" - God.

If you feel lost in the dark, call God, he will show you the way and lead you to the light.

Amen.

Next to read :

❇️ I'm Addicted To ↗

❇️ I Woke Up Naked ↗

Follow me on:

Noise Cash • Read Cash • Hive • Steemit • Blurt • Twitter • Telegram