Things That Really Bother Me On TV
Digging a hole at gunpoint
This bothers me so much because you know the hole you are digging is going to be your grave.
Anybody ever holds a gun to my head and says dig is going to have to shoot me and shovel their own damn hole.
What are the digging people waiting for? To be rescued? In the middle of the desert or whatever? To suddenly get strong enough to fight a bullet?
Just, no.
I'm not digging. I'm not doing the work for whatever asshole is holding the gun. Hell no.
Gesturing with a gun
Speaking of gunpoint, what's with the stupid "go sit over there" gesture with a gun? One assumes the gun is loaded, right?
So really it's going to turn into, "I'm gesturing with my gun so I can accidentally shoot my foot."
Or, "I'm gesturing with my gun, thereby giving you that split second to allow me to take the gun from you."
It's just stupid.
If you ever find yourself in a position to be holding a gun to someone's head, keep the damn gun trained on their head. Don't gesture with it to the shovel!
Standing up sex against a wall
Well this maybe seems to come out of left field, but really it's not. Because the same people that want you to believe a gunman, especially a trained gunman, will gesture with their gun to a shovel and the person actually digs, the people who want you to believe that also want you to believe having sex standing up against a wall is in any way doable.
I'm sorry but the logistics just don't work.
How is the guy not tripping over his own pants. Where are the underwear?? What's poking in my back? A splinter? WTF?
It isn't really sexy when you are actually doing it. Trust me. I've tried.
It can be hilarious and it can be tragic. But it just doesn't work for sexy.
Sex on a sink, table, or other narrow ledges
The same goes for sex on narrow ledges. Just imagine for a second you are sitting on the very edge of the sink. Now, unless you are really into some tantric shit, you aren't going to be having sex holding perfectly still.
Never mind how cold a sink can get, what about all that pushing and banging and the faucets are there and something just stabbed me in the kidney. Again.
Then there's the balance issue, same as the wall actually. I've never known anyone to be able to concentrate on core strength while thrusting.
Again, it could be hilarious or tragically painful, but nobody is getting me on a narrow ledge. Especially not a windowsill. Can you imagine?
Coming and going at the same time. Brings a whole new meaning to, "I fell for you."
Sex in a car
All of these circumstances are doable. They just aren't very enjoyable. The person on top is either struggling for legroom or contorting their neck to avoid hitting their head on the roof of the car.
The person on the bottom has to contend with seatbelts and seatbelt latches and strange unidentifiable crumbs and weird sticky spots.
If you can afford a large enough car and can afford to have it detailed every day, then you can afford to take me to a nice AirBnB somewhere with beds!
Sex in an airplane bathroom
This one had all the elements above with a dash of turbulence thrown in.
Those rooms are narrow. One person will definitely be against a wall and the other person will be on a narrow ledge/sink.
The plane will be shaking and that special airplane porta-potty odor of shit, piss, vomit, and the scented solution they use for flushing will be getting all over everybody.
Not. Sexy. Not. Even. A. Little. Bit.
Getting knocked out with one punch
I call this one the glass jaw phenomenon. I've been hit plenty. By fists and by objects. Heavy objects.
I've never once been knocked out. Not getting hit over the head with a bottle or getting knocked in the face with an elbow or a fist.
Unless you're fighting with Mike Tyson or Muhammed Ali, you probably won't get knocked out with one punch.
Unless your name is Mike Tyson or Muhammed Ali you most likely won't be knocking anyone out with one punch.
Frantically stretching to grab something out of reach and finally grabbing it
This one kills me.
If I can't reach something no amount of grunting, sweating, or stretching is going to allow me to grasp something.
If I can reach it at all, I'm going to reach it immediately so I can more quickly use it to defend myself or save the day or whatever.
This false sense of suspense isn't really suspenseful.
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I'm sure there are many more things I can think of that bother me on TV, but I'll save them for another day.
...and you will also help the author collect more tips.
These had me giggling pretty hard. lol. Especially the sex against the wall thing. Hell, even tried it in the shower and I literally fell out and took the entire shower curtain with me. Needless to say the moment was ruined.
As for digging the hole, spot on. I ain't digging shit! lol