@Jinifer 13 August 2021 more from that month

Bleed it Out

***When my time comes*** ***Forget the wrong that I've done*** ***Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed*** - Linkin Park https://youtu.be/yZIummTz9mM *I tried to scream but no one heard me. I called for help, but no one came for me.* *There were happy people and happy faces everywhere. Their genuine smiles mean that we can probably say that they really are happy. But there's always a dark side behind those secret smiles. It is darker and deeper than we thought.*   Sleeping at 4:00 AM and waking up at 9:00AM. It's always been like this, my daily routine. I got off my bed and went directly to the kitchen to have a cup of coffee. My last cup of coffee, I guess? I sat on the couch and stared at the blank wall. I tried to reminisce about all the memories I had with my parents when I was a child. As I kept staring at the wall, I didn't notice that my tears were already falling. I messaged my mom that I'd be going somewhere and bid my ***Good goodbye.***   I have prepared all that I needed and **burned down** things that I will no longer need. I put on my robe and headed to the tub. I paused for a while and I looked at myself in the mirror. I showed off my genuine smile and told myself "*I'm so sorry if I'm lying to you. What I've done to you is cruel. I'm selfish, I'm stupid and a whore*" I should've ended this before. And I know it's getting worse and I can no longer control.   I take out the most important thing that I need. I took off my bathrobe and revealed the alive but lifeless naked body of mine. I take **one step closer** to the tub full of water. As I made contact with the water, I froze a little. I laid down and let myself feel the coldness of the water touching all over my naked, lifeless body. I'll be finally free after **breaking the habit** of me.   I put my hand at the edge of the tub. I stared at it for a few minutes. I'm alive, but my whole body feels like a lifeless one. I thrust it into my veins and I can feel how painful it is. The more painful it was, the more I liked it. It's like a **paper cut** but it cuts right deeper into my flesh. My hands started to feel **numb** as I bled it out. I was shaking but I couldn't feel a single thing. The clear water before is now changing its color. I **faint**ed as I saw myself bathing in bloody water.    I've already **given up**, so please **don't stay**. I'm just **waiting for the end** of me.    I'll just **leave out all the rest** to you. **In the end**, maybe there's a place **somewhere I belong** and there I can no longer think of you. *Someone else can come and save me from my self.* *I can't be who you are.* ***Linkin Park's Playlist:*** https://youtu.be/wiuec1dI3Wc **Closing Thoughts** Doing that thing isn't the best answer. It's **NEVER** been good. Seek guidance, don't let the monster inside take over you. You're not alone, God is with you. Fight it! You're the one who's in control, not them. Don't let them bring you down and control you. It's your life, not them. If you ever feel down, think of a way or something that can help you brighten up your day. You're way stronger than you think you are. I chose Linkin Park because they're one of my favorite bands. And I can definitely relate to some of their songs. 4 years ago, we lost a legend. His songs and his angelic voice were my comfort. Chester is one of my favorite vocalists. 4 years have passed, but his legacy still remains. **He's gone but not forgotten** 🤘 You might also wanna check out my recent story. **PART 1. You're My First And Will Be My Last** https://read.cash/@Jinifer/youre-my-first-and-will-be-my-last-0965e17f **PART 2. You're My First And Will Be My Last** https://read.cash/@Jinifer/youre-my-first-and-will-be-my-last-p2-09539d66 **PART 3. At Last: You're My First And Will Be My Last** https://read.cash/@Jinifer/at-last-youre-my-first-and-will-be-my-last-285213b8 You can also check out my **Previous Articles** **Oh, it's Been a Month** https://read.cash/@Jinifer/oh-its-been-a-month-06381fc5 **I'm Single and I Love It** https://read.cash/@Jinifer/im-single-and-i-love-it-d60f07eb **Bonjour! Au****gustus** https://read.cash/@Jinifer/bonjour-augustus-bf81512e **If Walls Could Talk** https://read.cash/@Jinifer/if-walls-could-talk-917aa061 **Lead Image Source** https://images.app.goo.gl/VhY47FjfcovE5SQL7 **Author's Note** Heyyaaa! I finally get to publish my entry for @meitanteikudo 's prompt. Funny thing is that, when I started writing this one it was actually One Ok Rock's songs but I haven't finish it because the soul of laziness possessed me again. Teehee. And now I ended up writing Linkin Park's songs instead lol Thank you so much for reading this one. I really appreciate it. I hope you'll always receive a loaded buckets of blessings. If you like this one, you can always hit the **Like** and **Subscribe** button if you want to. ***Arigathankyougozaimuch*** ❣️