When to Disobey Our Parents

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2 years ago

How disrespectful this article would be? I don't think so. The title gives us a negative connotation to its core idea but trust me, this isn't about teaching you how to become a bad son or daughter.

As children, we are taught how to respect our parents and in most cases, the elders. However, as we grow up and mature, we could have developed certain thinking that may be against their views.

The problem is if we raise our concerns or thoughts to them, they'll immediately find it disrespectful. Which is not the point. The thing about our parents (1950s to late 1970s) is that they're used to the traditional way of values formation. They are the rules. No ifs and buts. Strict and dictatorship.

Sometimes, they're unreasonable. They'd tell you that it's for your own good but compromising your freedom and privacy too.

Growing up, I have witnessed how strict my parents were but when I entered adulthood in my early 20s and I matured, they didn't dictate what should I be doing with my life. They gave me the freedom of how should I handle my life but with their strong support and guidance.

Well, as young children, our way of honoring them is to obey them. As young gals, we need specific guidance. We still don't have the maturity to handle things. We don't understand what they're saying but obeying them is already the best we can do as children.

Either way, I'm thankful how they've managed to grow their children instilling great values formation and personality. They are my idols in parenting style.

However, on behalf of those who have controlling, toxic and close-minded parents, how do we handle such situations where we need to express our thoughts too without making them feel being disrespected?

Maintain a calm and friendly tone.

When talking with them, you must engage with eye contact. Don't get too emotional. That's when you start to raise your voice and so they'll find you disrespectful.

I get that you are only raising your concerns to them but understand that there is a generation gap between you and them. Our generation today is more liberated and open to expressing our thoughts unlike before.

Keep the communication open.

If you have a misunderstanding with your parents, it is still advisable to keep your lines of communication open to them. This will strengthen the relationship and should resolve issues much faster.

One thing that we should take note of, an important reminder to stick to our minds is that we should never talk back to them. The tone of our voices means everything to them. Arguments are likely to happen when both of you get emotional. Keep your heads cool down first to regain your right state of mind and get back to your senses.

Accept and respect their points of view.

We need to remind ourselves that our parents are the best teachers in our lives (case to case basis, some parents fail to be good ones though). Let's not act as if we know everything. They have experiences that they have learned from that are most likely applicable to the situation we are dealing with. We still need their guidance and opinions even if we are already adults.

Express your views and opinions on the situation too but assure them that you will do your best as much as you can. You just need their trust and support. Assure them that your relationship with each other is more important than not sharing the same opinion on an issue. Like, politics. Oh well, politics have gone too overboard by destroying family relationships. But that's a different topic to go through.


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Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!

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2 years ago

Comments

Yeah tama, they are open naman siguro lalo na pag own good natin

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2 years ago

Kung bibigyan lang ako chance to go back to the years na nagrerebelde ako, siguro I will choose to communicate to them properly kaso wala eh, nauna ung tanim ng sama ng loob.

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2 years ago

But those mistakes shaped you for who you are today Dee, and I'm sure you are making up to it.

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2 years ago

yes ate kaya nga okay pa din.. madami naman lessons na baon baon

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2 years ago

Naalala ko po dito sa article nyo yung nakita kong post sa fb, na tungkol po sa pagsagot ng nakakabata sa mas matanda sa kanya. Hindi din po negative yung post na yun parang nagpapaunawa din po na hindi sa lahat ng panahon ay tama ang nakakatanda at hindi din sa lahat ng panahon ay mali ang nakakabata.

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2 years ago

Yeah right. May times kase na mas may alam ang generation today compared before but that doesn't mean na di na irerespeto ang older generations.

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2 years ago

Yes true po. Tama po kayo dyan. βœ”οΈ

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2 years ago

Everytime I speak something bad to my parents due to anger, I regret it later on because I shouldn't have said those words. I shouldn't belittle them and I should be thankful for my educational attainment.

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2 years ago

That's right. After all, they raised you for who you are now.

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2 years ago

I have a traditional parents too like yours Though when I grow up and started working they already let me decide for my self If there is one thing I like with my parents, ny Mom actually its the open communication. Seeing the generation now, it would be hard if their parents is like ours. As they are different

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2 years ago

True yan madam. May attitude kase ang generation today eh na very outspoken. Di tulad satin before na tikom ang bibig.

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2 years ago

yep, mahirap sila icontrol at pag sabihan.

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2 years ago

That's the exact me when I'm younger, Ate. Lahat ng sinasabi nila is sinusunod ko, lahat ng sabihin nila is tama para sa'ken. Pero as I get matured, di pala dapat ganito sa lahat ng bagay. Yes, I do stand for what I know now pero I always put in my mind to do it in the nicest way na di sila mababastos. Syempre, may isip na ako eh. Kapag alam ko na sila ang tagilid, magsasalita ako para maitutuwid namin mga mali namin. Ayoko na tahimik na lang ako kasi mas may tendency na magkatoon ng conflicts in the future kasi maiipon lahat. So, dapat na ilabas din sila. Para din walang nag-iisip na superior yung isa sa'men kasi ang toxic kapag ganun. Equal lang data and bigayan ba para mas happy~ basta, di dapat makakabastos. They're still my parents eh. πŸ€—

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2 years ago

Perfect mindset yan. Ang matured mo talaga mg isip Mae. Late reply. Haha

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2 years ago

Late reply din, Ate. Hehe~ need na ganito mindset para iwas toxicity. Hihi, gusto ko healthy ako in terms of this. :D

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2 years ago

I admit there are times that I reasoned them out especially when they're accusing me the things that I never did.

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2 years ago

Kana sab. Kanang mamataka og pasangil ba. Haha

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2 years ago

Whenever my father sermon or scolding us, I don't dare to talk back. I don't want to make him think that I'm disrespecting him. Tahimik lang po talaga kami pag nag sesermon si papa.

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2 years ago

Me too, nong ako ay teenager pa but when I reached adulthood na, we've never had emotional discussions naman. Di nako napagalitan πŸ˜…

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2 years ago

May time kina mommy talaga na yong nangangatwiran lang ako at alam ko naman na tama sinasano ko magrereact na agad yan na ang bastos bastos ko daw. Walang galang blablablabla. Ang gusto kasi nila pag sinabi nila ung piece nila dapat makinig lang tayo, tanggapin sasabihin nila kahit naman mali. Gusto sila lagi tama. Ako nangangatwiran na talaga ako now. at pag nagsabi sila na ang bastos ko binabalik ko sa kanila. Bat pag kayo ang napupuna ang galing nyo mamilosopo tas pag kami bawal. Ganyan kasi ung partner ni mommy ee. Kaya kami lagi magkaaway non Skl. Haha.

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2 years ago

Na feel ko ang emotion mo sa explanation na bakit tayo bawal mgpuna sa kanila madam. Respect begets respect ika nga diba. Pero, nasa pinas tayo eh. Culture natin to. πŸ˜…

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2 years ago

kala ko go signal na to to disobey eh! hahah joke. I guess at some point some parents do know up to when they can have control over their kids' decision-making. And growing up and going through a lot of arguments about respect and disrespect also shape their thinkning in handling their kids hence some relationships stay in tact.

Even up to this issue I think communicating properly - one with respect still goes a long way. You got good points written up there.

Blessed are the kids who can have that communication with their parents where they can go and bargain for common ground and not have their parents feeling disrespected/feeling bad.

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2 years ago

Hehehe. I'm blessed to have my parents filled with understanding and respect din madam. For some, it's really hard to share the same perspective oy. Nag ka clash tlaga personalities, wala ding willing mg compromise.

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2 years ago

True naman hehe.

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2 years ago

Ako kay happy ko te Jea ay kay somehow openminded jud akoa mudrakels. Tung nitungtung koy 19, wala na kaayu sya ga buot sako. In fact, sya pa mag push sakoa. Tama jud, bisan pag amg express tas atung gibati, daapt dili to the point ngamurag singkahan na sab natu sila. May dili jud maayu.

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2 years ago

Arguments usually heats up because of the tone Neil eh. Kaya dapat monotonous lng ta like Jacklyn Jose. πŸ˜†

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2 years ago

Every decision of our parents would be for our good, So we should try to think twice before complaining them. We should definitely maintain a friendly tone while talking with them about any matter.

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2 years ago

That's right. It's okay to express where we stand but maintain a calm and friendly voice. But, it's hard to achieve when you're in the zone. πŸ˜†

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2 years ago

i am glad that my mother is now starting to become open minded.. there times before when I had to answer her and she would yell about me being disrespectful.. there's also a problem of not being able to really say what we feel inside .. that's starting to change these days and for that, i am grateful.

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2 years ago

And we feel so bad after doing it madam no. That's why we need to deep breathe muna to prevent arguments from happening.

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2 years ago

I did that! πŸ™ˆ There are time when I have to disobey my parents and tell to them why I am disobeying their orders. My Father always ask me why and what is wrong about that but my mother find it so disrespectful and she will get mad when things are not going on her way.

I love my parents for teaching me how to be independent and how to save money wisely (because they don't know how to save money, spending like a one day millionaires) They taught me how to be responsible and to be respectful and that's why I admire about their parenting except to one of their paniniwala until now na they made us successful so we can lift them up, like I am their investment for their future to be better πŸ™‰πŸ™ˆ I hate it when they are comparing me to others but I still love them even though I disobey them sometimes.

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2 years ago

Treating as investments and comparing their children to others are such toxic traits. But I'm glad you have matured in your own way, Cari. I'm sure you'll be a responsible parent if you become one. ❀

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2 years ago

A true to this sis. We should never talk them back because it will worst the situation. We must respect them. Talk them in a calm voice. Don't be irritate. Even you accept it or not still it's your parents.

Sometimes there are parents too much abusive with their children. In that scenario you have the right to defend yourself. If it's too much but if is not parents want you to be a good individual or having a good future only or teach you the right thing. Sometimes they will give you some advices with a high voice because it's for our own good too.

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2 years ago

It also depends on the upbringing your parents gave you. You are right, some parents are abusive that's why these children are better off with them.

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2 years ago

Yes sis that's true. It's depend of a situation they have.

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2 years ago

In my case naman madam, since hiwalay ang parents ko, nagkaroon talaga ako ng freedom at an early age. Although anjan naman ang lola ko to guide me. Pero dahil nga andami nya anak na pasaway eh parang naneglect in a way na we can do things the way we want it. Pero nun medto bata pa ako eh di talaga ako lumiliko sa rules sa loob ng bahay kasi as a respect na din sa lola ko. But when she passed away and I turned 18,I decided to move, live alone kasi sa Tita na ako nakatira noon and I thought kapag di ako umalis, di ako mag grow as a person so ayun nga, I live alone, discover things about myself, na kaya ko pala gawin yun which I did not know noon nakatira pa ako sa kanila.

And now na may anak na ako, I make sire na may open communication kami. Lagi ko sinasabi sa kanya na kahit ano pa man ang prob nya eh sa akin sya unang lumapit kasi ako lang ang makakaintindi at makakatulong sa kanya kasi I am her mother. And her opinion matters din sa loob ng bahay. Kapag may decision making kami na gagawin, tinatanong namin ang opinion nya.

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2 years ago

You are doing a great job madam. That's an ideal trait of a parent.

You'll never know until you get there talaga madam no. That's when you have tested your limits and potential in any aspect in life.

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2 years ago

Yup madam, kaya minsan talaga eh maganda yun mamuhay mag isa, to know your capabilities na din. And i'm glad that I did kasi madami akong nakilalang tao which help me grow as a person.

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2 years ago

I've never been a good daughter. I always talked back kasi nagcaclash kami ng mama ko talaga. Very strict, like nagagalit if lagpas 5:30 PM na nakauwi. Di man lang kinonsider na maghihintay pa ako ng jeepney tapos minsan puno pa. Kaya natry ko na nakakabit sa jeepney kasi takot ko nalang sa mama ko abutan ng 5:30. Or di kaya gagawa ng project, magagabihan like 7 PM, palo aabutin sa bahay. Kaya lagi siyang pumupunta sa school ko para ireklamo na yung project ang dahilan balit nagabihan ako. πŸ˜‘ Imagine mo yung hiya ko? Grabe. Haha until college yan na bawal magabihan kaya alam niya sched ng class ko and exams.

Tapos lumalabas ang creativity ni mudra sa pagdiscipline kahit college na and nagwowork, sa akin lang as the eldest. Pero yung sister ko, yung pangatlo, grabe talaga. Hindi niya gusto yung hindi yung boses niya nangingibabaw nor hindi siya ang last word. Tapos iinsert niya na yung mama namin parang government, hindi alam kung ano ang freedom of expression. Tapos napadpad sa rally, sa ganito ganyan.πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈkonting palo, iba na pinagsasabi. Eh ako nga nakaluhod sa asin with sili. May encyclopedia pa na bitbit. Bawal pa umiyak. Pag may narinig na sobbing, additional asin pa. πŸ˜‚ Pagnaiisip ko talaga yun, natatawa nalang ako. Pero I understand kasi ako ang eldest.

Techy kasi ang generation ngayon kung ano2 nakikita na and napakaadvanced na magisip. Tapos yung mama ko naman buti nalang naging open minded na siya sa tatlo kong kapatid, open to explanation na siya. Tapos pagtapos na, siya naman ang magsasalita, pag nagsalita ka na tapos na oras mo, diyan na lumalabas ang machine gun ni mother dragon.

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2 years ago

Uuuy grabe, ang higpit nman ng mom mo. Pero at least may character development na. Naging open na ang isip for opinions and expressions πŸ˜…

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2 years ago

Maybe because eldest ako. Lagi kasi sinasabi na pagnaging failure ako, malaki ang chance na magiging failure mga kapatid ko. Naging kampante siguru nang grumaduate na ako and nagkawork. Chill na siya eh. hehe Pero parang totoo naman din yung sabi niya, kasi mga kapatid ko nakikinig talaga saakin. Nakakatawa lang din naman isipin yun ngayon na malaki na ako. hehe

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2 years ago

Yes ate case to case basis nga po. May mha parents talaga na sobrang dictatorship sa mga anak nils like to the point na wala ng freerom of expression yung bata. Patience and communication crucial role para mag ka intindihan.

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2 years ago

Exactly. Communication talaga pero kung hindi rin bukas ang isipan ng parents, malabo eh. Dapat i open din nila heart nila for their children's opinions.

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2 years ago

That's the problem dam Kasi I don't want to become disrespectful iniinda ko nlng aNg pain and sometimes it lead me to become unhappy. Though I know Naman nakikinig sila I don't know how to express it.

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2 years ago

Maybe you can express your thoughts through a chat in messenger madam. Even me, I find it hard to express my thoughts in person. May awkwardness eh. πŸ˜…

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2 years ago

Na Kay diman sila katigo mo messenger dam uyy

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2 years ago

Mao sad lage. Hinay hinayi lng gud og storya madam. Anam anam ba πŸ˜…

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2 years ago

But have you ever experienced disobeying your parents madam? Ako oo nung bata pa 🀣

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2 years ago

Yes madam. When I was younger, tumakas ako sa bahay mga 1 pm to play with my neighbors. Ayun, napalo pag uwi kase ipapa tulog kada hapon eh. πŸ˜†

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2 years ago

Ganda ng topic mo madam, talagang ito ung reality ng life ngaun, na mas matapang na ung anak sa magulang, dapat mabasa ito ng mga kabataan ngaun

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2 years ago

Siguro madam, balance lng ang kulang para mgka intindihan. Maging open-minded sa thoughts ng kabilang kampo ba. Hehe

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2 years ago

I think Miss,the problem nowadays is that,parents and their children doesn't have a proper communication,unlike before,but today everyone was focus on their gadgets just like what happens in our home.As a parent I feel sad everytime my kids doesn't pay attention but I don't want to hurt them,that's why I set curfew hours with their gadgets so that we can have time to talk.

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2 years ago

That's a great way of disciplining your children madam. It'd crucial to let them know na dapat may limitations din. May rules ba.

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2 years ago