Are You too Attached to Someone? Or to Something?

As much as we want to control our lives, some things are not just meant to be. May it be someone you are in love with head over heels, a job you've been dreaming to get to, the passion you desire throughout your life, or a dream you've always wanted to achieve.

Sometimes when we become too attached to something, it's harder for us to let go and move on with the life that has stored for us. Just like holding sand in your hand. If you hold it too loose, it will escape. If you hold it too tight, it will also escape. So it's best recommended to hold it just right.

You see, being attached is normal. If someone reassures you they'll be there for you and spend the rest of their lives with you, you're gonna be attached to that person. If you have a pet who's been your companion when you were sad, you're gonna be attached to your pet. If you have a certain passion you've been trying hard to reach, you're gonna be attached to it. What makes it no longer healthy is you tend to control everything and that is becoming too attached.

How will you know if you are too attached?

You are controlling in your relationship.

If you are too controlling with your relationship with anyone, you're going to lose that someone. This behavior is toxic for the relationship. The other person doesn't have freedom anymore because you tend to demand everything that they do.

That's not the right way of nurturing the relationship. Going overboard is not healthy behavior. The more you control that person, the more they'll find a way to escape the relationship.

Being concerned is normal because you love the person, you don't want them to get hurt, you don't want them to be in a bad situation but if it's too much, it's "nakakasakal" already towards the person and you wouldn't want them to resent you for that behavior.

I believe you need to instill trust in your system and just remind them of their limitations. If they fail, give them a chance. Everyone deserves it but if they do it twice, that's intentional already. You are already taken for granted.

It also applies to parenting styles.

If you control everything your child has to do, you hinder them to reach their maximum potential. You are stopping them from making their own decisions so they never mature as they age.

You get angry or have fights often

When someone loses control, anger takes over. It is because fear is the main cause of anger and if something doesn't happen to what we desire for, we become frustrated and angry.

The same thing when you lose control of someone or something. If you feel like he/she rebels against you, you get angry and you fight often. That's just toxic. You should let the other person decide on their own. It's their right to make decisions. What you can do is to guide them and support them in any way you can.

You easily get jealous of everything.

Do you want a kind of relationship which provides you with too many rules to follow, gives you prohibitions by going out with friends, checks your phone every now and then to see who you are talking to often?

Just thinking of it makes it so suffocating. You wouldn't want that to happen but there are instances where the other person does this because they get jealous of everything.

You lose your integrity for becoming too attached.

This article doesn't only focus on relationships. It is also applicable to your dream job, passion, or hobby you want to achieve.

The thing here is that sometimes one would take the wrong path and do everything they can to achieve that thing. They lie, they deceive people, and they manipulate people which is evil.

Becoming too attached results in codependency. That mainly focuses on relationships. It is when the other person becomes the basis of your identity as if they are the ones who breathe for you.

"I can't live without you", "How do I live without you?". These phrases may sound so romantic but it's actually dysfunctional. Of course, you can breathe on your own. You are the leader of your life. You are the main character of your story.

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Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!