When I thought I'm Lost

Have you experienced the feeling of being lost? Like, you were being left behind. The feeling that you don't know what to do anymore as if your carrying the world in your shoulder. Lost, the thought that you were enable to achieved on something and became weak.

In this article, I wanted to share something in me and something in my experienced that I really felt and thought that I was lost.

When I was in my teenage years or my high school days, I must say that I was very faithful serving the church. I used to be a catechists for four consecutive years in my barrio. I taught every May in our chapel to kids the so called "Flores de Mayo" event for Catholic faith. I used to be the leader of the "Youth BEC" or "Basic Ecclesial Community for Youth" in my place. I'm also the one who leads the daily rosary in our barrio every 6PM. And, I used to be a psalmist and a lector in our chapel. I even joined some Diocesan Youth Day that time.

In other words, I was very active in doing most of the activities related to church. Where in fact I was the representative in our barrio if ever there were meetings and seminars to be attended which was manifested by our Parish.

But then suddenly, when I started to go to college everything change I became inactive to all of that. Even going to church on Sunday to attend a mass were just became seldom to me and until such time that I didn't go to church anymore. The worst is I even forgot some of the prayers in the holy rosary because I stopped reciting it for the long time. I guess it was a year that I've been doing this. I became busy and committed with my studies until such time that I forgot all this things.

After such time, I got sick. Yes, I was very ill. My allergy strikes me until I can't breath properly and I had lots of red spots in my body especially in my face. And after that attacked, I guess it was two days after I got fine with my allergy attacks. I then experienced severe fever, that was one week that I suffer from that fever and I was just in our home that whole week my parents took care of me that time. I always keep vomiting and then there was some red spots that came out from my body and I thought that was just because of my allergy that is why I took my anti-allergy pill but there were no changes. Until at the 7th day that I really got dehydrated I was already pale that time and I can't even get up. My father told me, (it was midnight that time) that we were going to the hospital. I refuses that because I knew it will costs a lot again and we don't have enough. But since my father insisted, that's why the got me to hospital and to find out that what I felt was already because I had dengue already. When we got to the hospital, my lips were all violet and my skin color as well that is why the doctor in charged in the emergency room where somehow shocked when he saw me and they tested my blood, platelet and everything and yes it was confirmed that I had infected by a dengue and that my platelet that time were almost zero as what the doctor said.

One of my co-patient told me that I was still so lucky and that my immune system were very strong because he told us that he had known someone just like my age that had also infected by a dengue that wasn't able to make it for just having fever for 4 days and was being late when they go to a hospital because the patient were already dead unlike me that I stayed one week first in the house suffers from repetitive fever not knowing that it was already because of dengue.

For what my co-patient told us, I really felt lucky because I had survived that for one week. So, it was a total of two weeks that I had to get cured with that sickness.

The most worst, is that after a week of being diagnosed and already recovered by a dengue I had my breakdown also which I mentioned this in my previous articles. A psychological breakdown which I had experienced to be crazy for one day as in the definition of crazy. Just like what you see for other people that suffers from severe depression and had a bipolar state. Yes, I experienced to be bipolar. I even diagnosed to have a stage 1 bipolar.

That time, when I experienced consecutive illness or shall I say the dark days of my life that I experienced so far, hopefully it won't happen again. I truly asked myself, is there a God? Why did he gave me all this things?

This was the time that I thought I was being lost because as what I've mentioned above, I somehow forgot Him. I forgot to pray and praise for Him. And then, I questioned Him? That was a very unthoughtful and unfaithful of me.

I even realized, why did I question Him and why did I thought I was being lost? Where in fact, it was given to me as a challenged of life where I'll able to surpassed. And thought, that God won't gave us problems we can't take. That is why, when I almost died because of dengue since I almost got a zero line platelet I always thought up until now that I still have tasks to do in this world and He still have plans for me too.

That kind of thought that I was being lost, it was just a mere thought and not a reality at all. Instead, it was all happened to me because it will let me realized and reflects on different things in life and would somehow made me strong enough to face and handle life's circumstances.

"When something happens to us, for whatever it is either a hard one or not, we always remember that there were reasons for everything and that reasons would gave us reflections, learnings and realizations to what really is it's purpose."

So, WHEN I THOUGHT I'M LOST BUT I DIDN'T.

Happy reading.

@Janz

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Lead image source: https://phuezo.tumblr.com/post/647113773261438976/bumbleby-reunion-again-3-b-i-thought-i-lost