What's with me?

March 26, 2022 SATURDAY

There's again another side of me dominates that I never controlled which I hate much. The side of me that I wanted to get eliminated for its one of the reason or maybe the main reason why I can't able to make things done. What's with me?

My last upload article was already a week ago. Therefore, it's been a week that I haven't done any productivity in this account or in this platform What's with me? What's wrong?

This past days my mind were bombarded with so many things that even those impossible things to occur ruins my mind. I'm stressed out and I felt it so much for I everyday my head's aching like it will explode anytime. I had many things that are yet undone which is needs to done immediately. I have many problems in mind that somehow stressed me all day. I always over think again. Everyday, I felt like I'm walking without any gravitation. I'm walking as if, I'm not breathing and even while writing this one me head were aching for I never knew what to say or to write for my mind were full and somewhat dictating me not to finish this piece. What's with me anyway? Why am I like this again?

This past days, my every day were so busy. Busy from work and somehow all my time were focused on my work. We had lots of deadlines already that needs to meet up. That's why my most times were on the retrieving of outputs, checking and recording students outputs because deadlines for grade submission is approaching. In fact, deadline for graduates students was just last week and I really work out for it since I have handled graduating students. Actually, I already submitted the grades of my graduating students but it was still lacking for there were some of the students that don't have grade yet for they haven't submitted their outputs. That fact really made my head bangs since we are required to submit a complete grade sheet but what can I do some students really aren't submitting yet even if I already direct messaging all of them. I just don't like the fact that some students of mine were all time active on facebook but never submitted their outputs and if I message them they'd just said that they don't have stable signal. Like, really? Everyday your online and even posted updates on facebook and still have unstable connection? What an alibi? Therefore, I set them a deadline or else I won't gave them grades. (strict si maam, haha) I'm not strict actually if they only knew that as students they should comply on what are the need to comply in their subjects because if they don't have plan to comply then why are they still studying? Right? But, yeah some also have valid reasons and those just alibi's I just tend to understand them that is why I just leave blank on their grades and submitted an incomplete grade sheet instead of failing them of giving them passing grade of 75. Another thing that somehow annoys me as well is the fact that some students weren't satisfied on their grades kike if they have line of 8 grades they will questioned their teachers on why it has to be like that. They never knew that the grade they received were already pulled up by their teachers. Also, some students would say that why not there teacher won't just give them a fair grade of 75 the fact that they never submitted anything. Like, how come they're so demanding. How come that a teacher will just give such passing grade without any outputs? Where is the efficiency and effectivity of that?

Aside from making of grades last week and even up to now, making of modules and syllabus deadlines were already approaching and what made me so stressed is that I still don't have my laptop and I can hardly done it my own. What I did on other grades is I did it manually which also caters lots of time. Unlike when, using laptop e-class record is there and just easy to grade for you just inputs their score and automatically their final grades will be computed. But yeah, I don't want to make myself hassle on borrowing laptop everyday for I also have negative feelings everytime I borrowed it. Also,So I don't want to bother the owner of it anymore for she has also lots to do. Therefore, I just decided to stop borrowing and did all my things done manually. That somehow consumes my whole time and bombarded my mind that ends up without no published articles and even never have interactions here for a week.

I'm actually purchasing a laptop for in my field of work laptop really is the basic need. It's truly hard working without it because my work will stop if I don't have it knowing that I'm racing towards the deadlines. Hopefully, this week my laptop will arrived so that I can already work my things done. Module making, syllabus making and grades continuation. Also, working here as well through writing articles easily.

That's really made my week busy to the point that I can't able to write anything for my mind were blown out with all paper works. I want to get back on track and hopefully I can maintain it this time.

"For my sponsors and those who upvoted my articles. I would like to say my deepest gratitude and happiness for you all since you always keep me inspired and motivated. Thank you so much. More blessings to all of us here. Love you all :) - @Janz

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