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@Jane edited

Don't Be Envious, You'll Be Toxic

***August 14, 2021*** I was having a hard time thinking of a good topic to write for today. Then Eyb shared something on our TG group that gave me an idea of what to write. As I told her, don't mind those people thinking negatively about her post. As for myself, ***I distance myself from toxic people and toxic posts*** already because they're just giving me headaches. And I don't want to be a toxic person anymore. Although sometimes, it's inevitable, and I can't control my emotions to burst especially if someone is crossing below the belt and degrading my fellow Filipino writers. If you are my follower since day one, you certainly know that I became a toxic person inside this virtual world and that is happening to anyone else as well. I'm so different from my real world as I don't even talk that much and if I have something to express out, I just keep them in myself because I don't like jumping into any kind of argument. But those emotions and thoughts are being accumulated over time and like a volcano that will erupt relentlessly. Our emotions and minds are our greatest enemy sometimes. They can push us up, but they will pull us down too. Its toxicity constructively affecting our mental state which makes us think negatively towards ourselves and others. There were times that I became truly toxic and positivity was nowhere to be felt. And my virtual friends know about this matter. I'm trying to make a good pose in front of others but as I turned my back, those dark thoughts are eventually pulling me down, destructing my mood, and affecting my state of mind. *I become so pessimistic towards my own actions and words* *I doubt my own self and capabilities.* *I tend to mind other people's shoes and compare A and B.* *I rant and complain.* *I become unsatisfied with what I have.* *I hate other people's achievements.* *I focus more on the negative and don't give value to the positive.* It all boils down to one main cause... ENVIOUS... Until such time that I've noticed that people were making distance from me because of my toxicity. And as I faced the mirror, I didn't recognize myself anymore. This dilemma spurs me to have self-reflection and contemplate things I've done in the past. And as I self-reflect, all I've seen were my mistakes and the consequences were hurting me badly. My conscience was annihilating me silently. It's making my daily mood down and feeling bluer than blue. Others may not notice it because I was trying to hide my emotions. ***But it's getting farther and lost track of my once optimistic perception towards things in life.*** Then I pulled myself back... There isn't too late for everything because each day is a chance to make things right. ***I know my mistakes and so I faced the consequences and tried to channel myself to follow the right path and do the right thing.*** And in this virtual world, we should know how to handle constructive criticisms, respond to them positively, and make sure that they won't affect us badly. Moreover, we should use them to self-reflect and correct our mistakes. Since I was at fault, ***asking for forgiveness was the first thing I've done****.* ***It isn't easy to plead for forgiveness and be forgiven, and it took time before I finally got the forgiveness and reconciliation that I've wanted.*** But while waiting for that time to happen. *I tried to compose myself back, straighten the once curved path, and fixed the shattered pieces of trust.* *I accepted my mistakes and let go of my negative emotions.* *I learned how to ignore things that are not worth my time.* *I learned how to control my emotions and view things positively.* *I learned not to compare two different things and not to complain about things that I haven't.* *I learned how to value the small things I have at hand.* The most important thing I did was to ***ignore and distance myself from things that are making me toxic and surround myself with people full of positivity.*** ***I was unaware that being real and frank was just bringing me to nowhere and it leads me to lost track. And I was too grateful when forgiveness was conferred and I promised myself not to do the same mistakes again.*** The moral lessons I've learned from this experience are: ***Stop comparing two things if you already have one. Just mind your own shoes.*** Sometimes we tend to compare especially if we are not satisfied with the result of something, or with the things we have at hand. Take me as an example, the more I mind other people's shoes, the more I become toxic, and the more I become envious especially if what they have is much better with what I have. I've realized that I should not be comparing two things, especially that if I already have one. So instead of comparing two things, why not work hard in polishing your own shoes beautifully? It is much better than minding other people's business. ***There is nothing wrong with being real and straightforward, for as long as you know how to make a pause and filter the right words.*** I may be silent in my real world, but I am straightforward in my virtual world. I observe, mind, and express my opinion and thoughts about something, about someone. And sometimes not aware that I'm already hurting others. That's the thing I tried to change, to hold back my emotions and filter the words that I will use, think of the people who will read it, and the consequences that might take place. Not all of us can handle criticism so we should always think well of thoughts and opinions we have before throwing them into the line. As the saying says, "***think before we click***." No one is responsible for our actions but only us. And the consequences will be suffered by us as well. Sometimes, it's better to ignore things and say nothing at all, than to express out our thoughts and opinions that won't do good to both parties. It's better to stay put than to run faster, and have a scraped knee once we fall. It's better to throw bread than to throw a stone because we know that it won't hurt us badly. ***Do not be envious of other people's achievements and be contented and blessed with what you have.*** Being envious is inevitable and even if we try to draw away ourselves from it, provoking things and people are just everywhere. However, if we are contented with what we have, we won't feel this traitor feeling and we'll be happy to see other people's achievements. ***So instead of aiming for more things and envying other people's achievements, make them as inspiration to pursue what we want.*** Things don't happen overnight. Be patient, and our wish will be granted in due time. Let's remember that, we have something that others don't have, and others have something that we don't have. But it doesn't mean that we need to have everything. Things are meant to fall in our place if they are truly meant for us. And I realized that I don't need to be envious of others because I am well blessed as well and sometimes, even ahead of them. I am certain that others on this platform have experienced this too, and I know that there are still people out there who are doubting our honesty and capabilities, and they will ignore our works because of enviousness. They will think negatively about our simple actions and spread wrong rumors to others. But the best thing to do is to ignore them too. Because this time, it's not us who's being toxic, but them. And if you feel like you have those signs of toxicity, try to take a break, think deeply, and self-reflect. Let's not pull each other down here, just love no hate. Don't be envious, because you'll be toxic! Thanks for your time.

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