We all are in Open relationships in disguise?

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Avatar for HappyBoy
2 years ago

For some time now I've been contemplating whether to write on "Open relationship" or not. As if my thoughts were loud, recent events pointed at me writing it, and today I listen to the voice asking me to write and pour out my thoughts. This will also act as a prelude for the next article I plan to write, it will be a movie review like the one @Tomi-Ajax did some days back, so here goes nothing...

African Men are polygamous?
It's believed that men are polygamous by nature and among men African men are at the top of the pyramid. Not until the introduction of the Western way of living did Nigerian men slow down in the number of women they marry, though today people still marry more than one wife.

The difference between how things were back then and how things are today is that women don't have an option or let me say a voice back then (olden days) unlike now. Men were given the liberty to marry as much as they wish so far they have the resources to take care of them, the women can only ask for what they feel they deserve or take turns to get the husband's attention. Things aren't much different today, some men still marry more than one wife either according to their religious beliefs or just a personal decision, however, some women now leave their husbands because of that or refused to have their husbands bring in another wife. Some women go as far as seeking divorce because of this. I believe to some extent women now have a voice

Men are Polygamous by Nature?
One would think having 3 wives is enough to make a man satisfied but it's common to see men cheat on their wives. A popular newspaper once had a bold headline "90% of Lagos men cheat on their wives". It's like the desire to have a taste of different skirts is inborn in men. It's now viewed as an "inevitable thing", people believe men must cheat and they find it hard to believe a man has just a girlfriend or a wife without "side chicks".

Image from https://unsplash.com/@jannerboy62

Both Party cheats

"Men are scum" they say but every day we hear reports of wives cheating on their husbands and girlfriends cheating on their boyfriends. Having multiple men worshipping one is now a safe option for women.

Both genders will forever argue about which cheats the most, though it all ends with the men losing but the fact remains that both genders cheat.

Should men be allowed to do as they please?

Since "Men will surely cheat" is now a norm and the lady is expected to just overlook it as just one of the little offence or "sacrifice" that comes with a marriage or relationship, should we say "women should be allowed to cheat too?" after all, "what is good for the goose is good gander".

Tell the above to a man and he will disagree. They can't stand the thoughts of their women sleeping with other men, they flare up and promise to release hell on such a woman and even the man she sleeps with. What then is the way out?

Open relationship
This isn’t a question of if I'm cool with it or in an open relationship, but an attempt to share things with the eye of someone in an open relationship.

In an Open relationship or Open marriage, both parties are given the freedom to explore other options while remaining committed to the other.

Each OR or OM differs, both parties set the rules and are expected to keep to them. Relationship A might have a rule or boundary while relationship B doesn’t e.g John and Jane set a rule that they do not mind who the "side chicks" is or what is being done so far it isn’t done at home while Bella and Bryan set a rule that they must seek approval from each other before laying in bed with a "side chick" and must be in a place the other partner is aware of.

As I said they set boundaries that guide them and both parties stay happy and satisfied. They set boundaries like (not all set the under listed rules)

  • Use of protection while at it with a side chick

  • Set approval each time/ Approval not needed

  • Don't invest emotionally

  • Boundaries like "Stay clear of friends and family" i.e both parties can't have a relationship with their partner's friend or family

  • Keep your activity away from social media

  • No matter who you're with make sure your partner is still number 1. Put your partner first

  • Don't lay with someone more than twice, anything more than that can lead to issues

  • Avoid pregnancy

  • Always Voice your concern when you have one

It works for some people and it doesn't work for some. Some people go ahead to break this and it leads to the end of the relationship.

The Danger
Like every other setting/concept, there are risks attached to OR or OM

  • Exposure and high risk of contracting STI

  • Unwanted pregnancy

  • There might be Trust Issues

  • Societal shun

  • Fatigue and constant fear

Image from https://unsplash.com/@reneporter

You might feel disgusted by the concept of open marriage and open relationships but if you talk to someone in one they will most likely say "Like it or not, Whether you agree to it or not, all humans are in Open relationships either directly or in disguise. It's either one party is cheating or both, hiding it from each other and constantly having a guilty conscience. Why not just avoid the constant guilt and hide and seek by giving each other the freedom to explore other options while still being together?"

Now back to the question you might have in mind, "Are you in one?" The answer is "No" not because I find the idea wrong but because I'm the jealous type and I hate sharing what's mine.

As I said earlier "what is good for the good goose, is good for the gander", since I stated that I hate sharing, I have no right to cheat on my partner and she knows, vice verse.

Whatever anyone decides is left to them, be it Open or not. Choose your poison and choose wisely.

Thanks for Reading! ❤💚🔥


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2 years ago

Comments

I can never be open to the idea of an open relationship because like you've said I don't do so well to share. The thought of being with someone who belongs to the world gives me the creeps and I just can't take. I'm willing to be invested in one partner and expect sake from him.

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2 years ago

Well, it's a no no for me. I won't allow sharing especially when it comes to my husband. Different point of view and I respect it.

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2 years ago

It is just the society we live in that facilitates polygamy for the male gender. There is no gene in the Y chromosome that is attributed to polygamy. It is a misogynistic society, that is why the man can cheat and its okay, but the woman cheats and the society is pointing fingers at her. Why can mean be polygamous and women can't?

A classic case in point from recent events, the Hermes + Allysyn + his two girlfriends situation.

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2 years ago

I'm possessive and I will not share my husband. I'm not good at this kind of sharing. And I respect others' beliefs and if that makes them happy why not but it's a no for me. I will be a murderer. 🤣🤣🤣

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2 years ago

i will never be part of open relationship cos i don't love to share my wife, i can be so jealous.

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2 years ago

Couples are equally likely to cheat on each other because the man cheats with another woman and the woman with another man. The important thing is that they have overcome the feeling of infidelity and see it as ordinary.

Also, as far as I know, no religion accepts polygamy. This is often because people use certain taboos in their favour. In those faiths that do allow polygamy, the conditions are severe, and no one focuses on the conditions, but only on the permission.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

You're right , even in islam there is a clause attached to being polygamous. People ignore the clause always

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2 years ago

Exactly, my Muslim brothers don't take heed of the conditions anymore, just the "sunnah" 😔

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2 years ago

Why do I feel sad after reading this? Society has truly gone to the dogs. I think the point made by the open relationship is valid though, at least in today's society. Cheating isn't seen as anything anymore, people are made to believe that as long as he still "loves" you or she still "loves" you, then yall are good.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Exactly! I wonder how possible it is to love someone and still cheat on them. The painful part is it's now seen as something normal that shouldn't bother a man or woman in a relationship.

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2 years ago

I hate sharing too😭. I will cry😭. I was once in an open relationship. We didn't agree on any terms but I knew he was cheating. I also had the belief that a man will always cheat. At some point, I don't feel bad about it anymore. You know the pain hits differently when you no longer cry. But I wasn't cheating on him.

At some point, I was looking for a better option. Met someone else and I invested emotionally. Instead of cheating on my man, I broke up with him. I can't be sharing myself with two men sha so I faced the other person. I don't know if he's cheating sha😅😅 but I'm very happy with him cos he respects me. My ex does that shit to my face😅. I used to cry but it's past tense now😅😅

$ 0.02
2 years ago

You took the right step jare. Having the boldness to even do it to your face is the worst part. Staying in such a relationship believing "all men cheat so is normal" will only lead to future heartbreak.

The worst part is that you can't retaliate no matter how painful it is, especially for ladies. Because a man cheats doesn't mean his partner will find it easy to cheat too.

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2 years ago

It messed with my mind.

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2 years ago

Yaaay, when it comes to relationship . Sharing is not a caring act, lol! When you say committed , for me it's for my only one. I do practice sharing with things i have but not with such.

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2 years ago

Wow, what a complicated article we have here ahhah

$ 0.02
2 years ago

reading this made me realize something that might be useful in the near future so thank you! I do respect the religious belief that differs in my perspective. However, like you, I hate sharing what's mine hehe. It's good to be back here :D

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2 years ago

Welcome back Caris 🤗. Yeah, people now practice it and it's fast becoming a common trend but i doubt if i can 🤣

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2 years ago

I can't imagine myself in OR / OM jealousy will nearly make me go mad.

Cheating is like masturbation, once one starts it is hard to stop doing it. The urge to cheat is always in every human just like the urge to break the law.

That's why couples need communication and they should give their spouse food when they are ought to

You know the food I'm talking about 😅

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2 years ago

That "food" is important and couples need to work on how to go about it without one party losing interest to the extent of seeking external "food"... we are in the same boat bro, I'm the jealous type, i hate sharing.

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2 years ago

Ashewo😅😅😅 Who go gimme food bayi😅

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2 years ago

I'm available, I know how to cook very well. You will enjoy your self like you never did 🍝

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2 years ago

Let the original chef that is cooking for me catch you😅

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2 years ago