Love & Marriage
You will always be unprepared when you get married. There's no perfect time or age for marriage. We can only say, there's an "ideal" age and time. Though what is ideal to someone might not be to another.
Marriage is a life contract, it’s something you have to go into without being prepared. You have to understand that marriage is going to change your life, and not all of the changes will be positive, some will be negative and some will be positive.
You have to go in there knowing that you are going to learn something. You are going to have moments where you will be mad at him, you’re going to have moments where he will be mad at you, but what’s most important is that you love him true. Love him through the good, love him through the bad, love him through it all. In fact, you need more than Love.
Jump into that fire with nothing but two hands and a ring on your finger and just get ready for it to be the best ride of your life.
We argued into the night yesterday, everyone with a different opinion of what marriage is or what marriage should not be. What I could conclude on is- Everyone comes from different backgrounds and with a different opinion. Our tastes are different and we all want different things for ourselves. We should go for what our hearts desire and face the repercussion ourselves. Though we need to also consider the advice of others to some extent.
What most people don’t know is that marriage is quite different from just dating. Marriage is a long term contract that is very hard to opt-out of, you’ll consider so many things before quitting a marriage- the kids, time invested in the marriage and many more. Unlike dating that most people go into at will at any time and can live without any obligation tying you down. You don’t rush into marriage. If you rush in, you will rush out.
No matter how we try to write off the impact of parents in the choice of marriage, the truth is that in a country like Nigeria, Parents still play a great role when it comes to choosing a marriage partner. Civilization and all has made us reduce the roles of parents to just being the “ceremonial” Parents on just the wedding day.
I’m one for "One Nigeria", no cultural discrimination o bias but when it comes to Marriage we need to talk about cultural differences, religion well with our spouse before going to the altar. Need I say, what works for Mr A might work for Mr C but when Mr B tries it, he fails woefully. Because some people practice something doesn't mean you also should. The rate at which marriages are ending nowadays is so disheartening. One can’t help asking -” Why go into it at all?”
When the Love is still hot we make promises. “ I don’t care about your religion, you can practice yours while I practice mine after marriage,” we say to each other. But issues start arising when the couple give birth and it is time for the kids to pick a religion. Disagreement and conflict start coming up every day. This is something couples ought to talk about well while still in the dating stage but it's painful to see that the dating stage is now used for visiting restaurants and snapping pictures together for the internet.
Another issue is cultural diversity and upbringing. Love can’t be controlled, we don’t have much say in who we fall in love with. It’s normal to see people fall in love with someone from another culture but we need to ask ourselves if it can work. Cultural diversity birth different lifestyles and behaviour, you have to put this into consideration before going into any marriage.
Finally, the issue we’ve been avoiding for a long time. Parents’ approval is needed in marriages. Though their job isn’t to pick a partner for us but advise us, we can’t disregard their input in the choice of partner. At intervals, parents and family tend to intervene but it is left to you to let them know that you are old enough to take your decision but their advice is appreciated.
To end it, this might sound controversial but it is what it is "Marriage is ordained by God and it's a wonderful thing, but it isn't Compulsory". One can choose to be single and it's expected of people to respect that.
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