The year 2014 was the downfall of my life. I lose my job because I quit. I cannot take the pressure the job is giving me and the people around me at work. The people around me do not care about my emotions, they don’t have a concern about my health too. I was diagnosed with liver problems that year too. I found out that I have a liver laceration that I got from an accident in 2012. I have serious bleeding and getting in and out of the hospital was my past time. Since my co-employee and manager do not understand what I’m going through I took a one-week leave and I gave my resignation when I came back. I felt free from all the worries they were throwing back at me. They are the worst people I’ve ever known.

All the thorns in my heart were gone after I free myself from working hard for these toxic people. I thought I will be okay because I have peace of mind. However, that peace of mind is only from the toxic people I was not seeing at that time but another problem arises and another and another. My problem was, I am one of the breadwinners, my family doesn’t know the severity of my illness, plus the hospital bills, where can I get the money? If you are in that dilemma, for sure you will lose your mind.

Let me share you my increasing number of Sponsor, that I never thought will happen in my life. They are helping me to realize my worth. Their articles is worthy of reading too so you need to visit them!!

What happened to me?

I kept on thinking and calculating. During those times, Bubblews is gone and I only have Humanatic to help me with earnings. I also have Forum Coin and this Monkey site and Blogjob. I know most of you that had been with Bubblews will be familiar with all the sites I had stated. They are all free money-making sites and the highest earnings I got in a day is $20 but not consistent. I am nocturnal so I schedule my working hours at night till morning. That is my online income source. The hospital bills are piling up and my earnings were never enough. There were times my online friends will hold fundraising online too. I remember the owner of the site Blogjob donated money for me when he read my blog about my illness. A lot of people are helping, but still, the bills are excessive that I decided to stop going to the hospital and just endure the pain.

I cry every night. I always talk to God. I always talk to God and ask him what is his plans for me. I ask him that I am weak so I need to be strong, I need him to be strong. One night, I was crying while listening to calls (Humanatic) and I can barely breathe. I was near of dying or having a heart attack because of the pain. I can't hold on to the pain. It is a literal sharp pain in the heart. I decided to accept the challenge but I felt I was facing it alone. I am defeated even I am starting to fight . I told God, I am defeated let me die now. Let me die now to end this. I am just a weakling.

The Dream

After a week of crying, my tears went dry. I felt demotivated. I can’t get a simple joke. I am not appreciating everything. My laughter is on the lowest energy level. I do not talk to anyone at home. I make sure that when everyone is awake, I am asleep. If everyone begins sleeping, I start working. I stop praying to God. I will just wait for the miracle to happen, or maybe I will just leave a day until I am alive.

One night, I had a dream. It was a busy street. People do not see me, as if I am not existing. I don’t know why I was there, then I don’t remember how it ends. When I woke up, there is a book in front of me. I think it's my book and I was looking at the book. I open it on a certain page, I don’t know why I did that. The only visible words are Win, Help, and You.

I was contemplating about those words I saw. I even write it in my journal. Then something flashes in my brain, the logo of Youtube, so I went to Youtube. I didn’t browse, I didn’t move the cursor. I just look at it. Then I saw from the screen the video title “I win or learn, but I never Lose” by Maria Forleo. If you read some of my articles from the past, I mentioned this statement already because this becomes my guide when I have failures. Not an excuse but this is my affirmation to get back on track again. I watched the video and there is a message that helps me there which I am applying in my daily life since then.

Below the video is the video of Tapping for 50 Thousand Dollars by Margarette Lynch. I watched it, it is weird. Then another video was there, I guess it is part of the suggestions at YouTube and it is still from Margarette Lynch, tapping for anxiety. There are lots of tapping technique videos below every video. I watched it all.

The Message

Then and there, I realized God is telling me something. Then I get back to these three words, Win Help and You. From those videos, they have a common thing and that is helping you. Helping yourself alone. Yes, I felt that I can only help myself. When QI do it, I will win. That is what God is telling me, I Help Myself which is You so that I will win. So I begin planning on how I will help myself to win. To Win is just a big word to me. There are lots of things associated with it that I found out later on. Since it is getting long, I will continue the story tomorrow. I do believe you will find inspiration in my story therefore I will share it you with step by step.

All Images are from Unsplash, except my the notes on my Journal, which is mine.

September 14, 2021

#BetterSeptember