So basically since yesterday, the whole day I was feeling so demotivated. Suppose I shouldn't and just be grateful for what I'd got, but I just can't help to not to.

Last month I published 29 article's and accumulated a total of $36.6usd of BCH and since I continue to give back to the community, and renew some sponsorship, I still have a total of $10.03 usd of BCH in my wallet. I haven't renewed my other sponsorship yet, so I'm gonna apologize if I'm going to delay it this time.

For now I wanna keep this $10 in my wallet as the rewards of my hard-works, I hope you'll gonna understand me🙈🥰.

However I wouldn't deny that after I made the highlights of my June's progress, I literally felt so sad. Who wouldn't? Despite the busyness that I have outside the internet I'm still trying to work hard but my progress is as bloody as the market. Together with the market crash, my earnings are also unstoppable as it continues to drop by each month's, since 2022 arrived.

Honestly I know for somehow that it's not only me who's affected with the dip, but this time I am literally struggling to keep my motivation. I felt that those sleepless nights are worthless and my efforts are just nothing.

Watching my progress makes me wonder, if should I still continue to fight for my goals or should I just stop?

My thoughts right now is full of negativity. I feel like I wanna give myself a break but my heart is against with it, and so now they are currently fighting. Lol.

• My brain says, it's time for me to give up as the results are so obvious, while my heart say's that I shouldn't as my goal is waving.

• Give up!

• No! Your goal is waiting!

• Give up!

• Shut up you bitchy, her goal is waiting.

Lol, this two makes a great conflicts today 😅.

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I wanna follow my heart because I know that's what makes me happy, but my brain is quite stubborn as it don't even want me to finish this article.😅 It's keeps on mocking me to stop as I am not making any sense here. What a devilish thought😈!

Furthermore I am currently confused. I don't know and I can't tell if how far I can still go. I can't find the old self of me, the old self that was full of motivation and hope's. All I see now, is my current self that was struggling to cope up in one side of the corner, feeling hopeless.

The thought of giving up to this journey is a total failure to me, and it's really painful. I've been working so hard for my goals, and been walking for too long so if I give up, for sure I can no longer achieve my dreams.

However if I stopped, I'm not just gonna feel broken hearted about my goals, but surely I'm gonna miss all of my virtual friends and it will leaves me with sadness.🥺

I'm gonna miss the beautiful painting of my dear friend #Ellen. She really has a very good talent and an amazing skills in painting, I swear. I am actually her number one fan and she's actually my favourite virtual friend, as she's always there to support me. I will also gonna miss the travel blogs of #Jane. Her blogs helps me realize how I waste my stay in Hong Kong as I miss to wander it's amazing places. Lol. I really regretted that I didn't explore Hong Kong, but it's all been done and so watching her blogs makes me contented for now. Virtually I still explore Hong Kong and thanks to the Queen of flexibility (Jane). I will also miss the inspiring and motivating articles of #Olasquare, his poems and educational blog's are one of my favourites in his works. On his blog I can freely express my opinion, and he never fails to appreciate my comments. Although my first impression on him was strict, I eventually realize that first impression didn't last.🙈

Perhaps I will surely miss you all, I just can't mention all of your name's as your too many to mentions. Also, I wouldn't forget the real #Lucifer of this community. His a man of speech. He was humble and gentle lucifer of readcash indeed.

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Anyway I don't have any intention to make this blog so emotional to read, my intention is just to express my self with the current situation of my progress. I tried so hard not to get affected and don't allow my emotions to took over me but I am a very emotional person, so I can't stop myself from being me. Lol. My emotions are too sensitive and it's quite so obvious that mostly it wins over me and so I am very sorry 😅.

All photos from this blog including the lead image are all mine or else stated otherwise.