"The more you hate, the more you love"

The more you hate, the more you love!

Have you already heard that proverb, as well? Do you somehow believe that it was really it?

Well for me, it's really depend upon the situation. Charrr 😅

The first time I heard about this saying, is I was just seven years old. Yeah, and I don't know how my classmates learn that, at that young age. We were just grade one🙄. So whenever my friends saw me having an argument to my guy seatmate, they would literally tease me.

"Wui the you know that the more you hate the person, the more you love that person? so be careful with you heart!" Bla bla bla, a silly warn from my friend's, while laughing.

Gosh! So irritating, isn't it? Specially if you just hate that person because of some reasonable reason. Charrr.

Let me share with you the reason why I hate my guy seatmate.

So I started to hate my seatmate when he becomes my responsibility. Yeah because our teacher give me some responsibility inside our classroom. I also hate my teacher that time, as she assigned me to be my seatmates tutor. Can you believe that? I was just seven and I am already a tutor. Gosh! 😂😂

Because I have to teach and accompany him while he was practicing how to write and read the ABC alphabet, I can't go out to play anymore. I can't have my recess because he was too slow and he really can't remember, I mean he really can't recognise the basic alphabet though we have already read it for a million times. Like a million million times, in five days a week and yet he only remember A. 😒 ( It's the fact!)

I tell you a secret!

• Whenever he can't remember the alphabet, I spunk him! And I also secretly pinch him, and warned him not to cry, or else I won't teach him anymore and he can't go home anymore as our teacher won't allow us to go home.

• He was a crying baby so he listened to me.

  (Sorry , as a kid I only did that, because of annoyance and irritation.😅 )

Who wouldn't get irritated if someone is blocking you from playing. Suppose I'll be having my snack outside our room together with my friends, but I can't , because our teacher won't allow us to go out unless he can read even just ten letters in the alphabet.

So I really hate him so much every day, and every time I saw him, I really can't help but to get irritated with his face. Lol.

Everyday before we go home after our afternoon class, I was like his mother as I always have to tell and remind him to practice reading and writing in their home, so the next day he already know how to read. But sad to say the whole semester ended, and yet he only learn five letters in the alphabet and so our teacher didn't allow him to move up to grade two. So he go back to grade one.

Honestly the more I hate him because of that. I sacrifices my recess time just to teach and help him, but he isn't helping his self and so he didn't learn anything. I really hate him, but that doesn't mean I love him. I just hate him because of the reason that he only wasted my time and efforts!

Anyway you might be wondering why I came to this topic.

Well it was because it was similar to my present situation. To tell you honestly, my partner and I used to hate each other. I mean we cannot complete the whole week without arguments and misunderstanding. I don't know but we really can't avoid misunderstanding, and fighting against each others opinions, thoughts, characters, behaviour and attitude. We actually looks like a cat and a dog that can't be together. That's how toxic our relationship was for the whole two years and 7 month's of being together.

So when he started applying for abroad I suddenly felt sad, but honestly some part of me are saying that it was the best for us so we can have a break from our undying arguments. Besides our relationship are becoming toxic so it would be better for us if we get separated for the meantime as well. This is what I thought. I also thought that I would be free from stress, and he was too if we are not living in one roof. I even think that when he leaves I wouldn't miss him because we use to fight.

However when he left yesterday, I realized that I can't leave without him.( I just don't know if he also realised that too, but I know he was really sad that he gets separated from us, as well.) I also realized that I despite the fights, arguments and misunderstanding I still love him so much.

"The more I hate him, the more I love him. "

Before, I thought that I don't love him anymore as every time I saw him, I always get irritated. I thought our relationship is already toxic for me, because most of the time our misunderstandings are meaningless and yet we keep on arguing.

Now, I have realized that I only think those thoughts was because I was mad at him, and was because we keep on fighting. That is why now that he was already away from me, I miss him.

I really miss him so much, and how I wish tomorrow when I wake it's already 2024, so I won't feel this loneliness anymore.

Anyway this is all for today, and I'm sorry If I wasn't really active today. I've been trying to make myself busy the whole day, to divert my attention and so I won't feel sad anymore , but I really can't hide my real feelings and emotions. No matter how busy my body is, I'm still sad. I'm still feeling lonely.

But I know soon I'll be okay.

Thank you for reading ❤️.

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