Hello lovelies, it's me again. How was your Monday so far? I wish you are all having a great and productive day to start for this week. I know today is another busy day for almost everyone, well not in my part. Currently I am now sitting in our bed. Thinking with some random thought's.

Today our electricity bill has been delivered to our address, and so I am now holding it. Suppose I am going to share with you a better topic for today rather than this nonsense rant, but after I saw the amount of our current bill my mood suddenly changed.

I am not expecting this amount actually. Although I have already seen from the news that there's a possible increase from the electric company. I never expected that the increase was almost triple than to our previous bill. I am now distracted and feeling stressed again 😁. But somehow I am trying to stay positive. Actually the first article that I am writing this morning is already two minutes of reading, but I suddenly had a writer's block due to a sudden and unexpected stress, so I leave the article in my draft and maybe I will finish it for later.

I haven't tell my partner about our bill, because before our bill arrived, he already called me in my messenger. He informed me that his having a bad time on his work place as someone is watching their work and so he suddenly felt demotivated. I understand him, because he had no good sleep last night. Cat's from our neighbors are so noisy as I think it's their breeding time and so some male cat's are fighting for a female cat. So annoying and disturbing.

Anyway I tried to calm him down, as I don't want him to get into trouble that may cause problems to his work, but sad to say after one minute he again informed me that he went outside from his work. He informed his boss that he wants to go back to LTO to finish his errands, and because of that he is absent from work today. Luckily his boss allow him.

Every time that his having a bad time outside, he always called me. He always do that, specially if he needs someone to talk, he would always choose to call me.

He then inform me that he will be going back to LTO (Land Transportation office ) to finish his transaction for his motorcycle, so he will be home later. I just agreed with him, I know he is already stress. He woke up and left home so early this morning even without breakfast as he wants to finish his transaction in LTO before he go to work. Unfortunately he didn't finished his transaction in LTO, as there's already lot's of people when he arrived and since someone is trying to provoke his anger, he prefers to finish his first errands rather than to stay in a toxic environment. His already having headaches because he haven't eaten his breakfast yet so it would be better for him to stay away from toxic people. So I had no complaints when he told me that he was absent from work today.

I might let him know about our bill the next day if his already in a good mood. And so right now, let me be the one who carry this stress first, besides I'm almost get used to it lol.

Honestly I am now thinking and planning to apply for work in abroad again. But I am really confused. If I leave who will look for our son? I can't ask my mom because she's already taking care her four grandchild's in our province. They are my sister's children's and so she cannot come to look for my son. I also can't ask my partner's mom because she just informed me that she's still paying her debts and so she needs to work and also she still have a contract to her current company and so she told me that maybe she can look for my son next year. But next year is still far. For sure if I ask my partner to look for our son he won't agree. He already told me that he wants to go first, before I can go back to abroad as he don't want to feel the loneliness when I left. But with our situation right now it's already difficult and we must have a decision now.

However to tell you honestly, this thought's is actually killing me. I don't wanna be away from my son. I wanted to be the one who will guide him until he grows up, and I wanted to be the one who will discipline him and teach him the right manners so he would grow up as a good boy but with our situation I can't stand watching my partner having a hard time. I actually don't know what to do. I'm already confused.

To divert my attention and lessened up my stress I opened our TV. Tried to watch a movie or an afternoon show, but unfortunately it didn't work. My mind was filled with random thought's and so I just prefer to write some of those here. I apologize if this is just nonsense article for you. It wasn't my intention to waste your precious time. So I'm going to end this blog from here. And if you come this far, thank you for accompanying me.

Lead image source was edited using Canva app.