My Love Story

"Goodbye! I wished there were no hard feelings between us."

I just stared at him at the moment he was uttering the words. No one dared to speak. He pushed open the door ready to go to his boarding house. I didn't move to hold him, I said, "I don't care." That statement was only a foolish joke not meant to be taken seriously. But he finally opened the wooden door and was about to go. Suddenly, an unexplained longing gripped over me. I was not ready to let him go. I called after him, "Dear what's the problem? Please come back, I don't mean what I said..."

But he didn't answer. He just left. I ran after him. I was pacing on the floor and stopped at the seventh step of the stairs as I gazed at him going down the stairs. My eyes hooked up on his back but could not see what he felt. He looked up at me and said, "Good luck! It's better to have this way rather than to go along. It's best for us to just forget each other."

I felt something strange. There was this heavy clog deep within that I felt like bursting into tears. I pulled him but he struggled and pushed me back. When we were still, he calmly turned his back and walked away forever in my life. Once again, I pulled him near to me. I wanted clarifications for things, once and for all.

"I'm sorry for bothering you, I'm sorry for all the things I've done, I promise not to disturb you anymore," he said.

"Is this would be forever?" I asked and landed my vision on him as he nodded sadly. My eyes, the mirror to my distressed soul closed tightly and suppressed the tears from falling. I held him close enough and saw his eyes. I was touched to see those clear crystal-like drops came out from his deep-penetrating sense of sight, despite the dimness of the place. He told me he was hurt and he was willing to give up what we have. He said he's giving us space from each other to discover both our inner selves if we can make it through without each other. What hurt me was when he said he'll try not to miss me, see me and remember me anymore. I was truly speechless. I was caught tongue-tied. And there was a deafening silence.

All of a sudden, with a burst of bitter laughter, I made a decision that I prayed not to regret. I don't know if I have the bones for it but I made up my mind. I will give him what he asked for, even if it meant losing him forever in my system. I thought he was really right. Giving ourselves time to contemplate things is the best solution to the dilemma we were facing.

To end the dramatic scene, I pushed him hard to go away, to walk away, and for him to be out of my sight now and forever. But he remained still, curling his body and looked down in the cement and ground. He said he'll retreat later but I insisted on him going away that moment. After a few seconds, he stood up and took his steps out of my sight, out of my life, out of my world.

... to be continued

Lead image from Google.