I know I'm Beautiful Just as I am

Three months ago, I was invited by a close friend to join this platform. At first, I was hesitant about joining because it takes my precious time. But, then as I studied it I was able to find suitable articles that relate to my condition and some inspire me. I have found something where I can express my thoughts where others can advise without judgment.

My first ever article was entitled Beauty is Beyond Perfection, you can read it here: https://read.cash/@Fyangzee24/beauty-is-beyond-perfection-bb05ece6

In that article, I wrote there my insecurities and my greatest dream. I dream of becoming a beauty queen. Ever since I was a child, my happiness goes every time I am picked as a muse in our section. I was also crowned 'Yuletide Princess' in our school back in the elementary days.

When I get to high school, It seemed like I'm too far from the dream I wanted. I wanted to be picked as a representative for Intramural Beauty Pageants but I couldn't get in because of my height. I gave up the dream I once had when I was a kid.

How old are you when you had your first period? Or the one they called in science, menarche? From what I have learned, the normal occurrence of the menstrual period is between 10 to 16 years old. I got my period at 16, running 17. Ever since I've already known, something is wrong with my hormones.

Every year, I only bleed like once a year, or if my ovaries feel lucky, it happens twice a year. Once I bleed, it will last for one to two weeks. As I was born with Hemophobia, I became comfortable about it. Not until I felt pain in my pelvis.

I was in college when I got my first check-up. I was told it was just a hormonal imbalance. I was given some medications. Fortunately, my monthly discharge became normal for a year.

After graduating college, I am already voluptuous. I could describe myself, not slim but not fat. I am not a fast-eater kind of person, actually, I even get full instantly. That bothered, me because there's a sudden increase in my weight, and it keeps on increasing. I experienced acne break-out for a while, massive hair fall, and worse, as I was busy monitoring my weight, I forgot when was the last time that I bled.

In 2020, I was diagnosed with mild PCOS. That was my first time, hearing about those acronyms. I was dumbfounded as the doctor was trying to explain to me what is it all about. I did not understand any of those she explained to me. So, I did my own research.

According to the mayo clinic, "Polycystic ovary syndrome is a disorder involving infrequent, irregular or prolonged menstrual periods, and often excess male hormone (androgen) levels. The ovaries develop numerous small collections of fluid — called follicles — and may fail to regularly release eggs.

What makes me so down, is that I have read some articles that there's a chance of infertility and there's no cure yet. There are only ways to eliminate the increasing growth of cysts in the ovary. As for my case, it's still mild, so as early as possible, I'm trying to prevent the growth of it in my body.

Now that I have known what makes the sudden changes in my body, made me feel less insecure with others. I always just think, 'I will be healed'. If a miracle happens and PCOS will melt away, I would probably become normal.

Recently, my classmates from Highschool gathered together for a small get-together, because one of my classmates came back from Manila. I was so happy to see her as we were close during high school days.

But, I wished undone the day I went there. The moment she saw me, she said, " Omg! How come you're so fat and ugly? You know you're short and you still made yourself fat Ha-ha what are you an LPG tank?" Everybody was laughing. I felt like I was made the laughing-stock in the group. I was called a pig, an elephant, and ugly. Little did they know, the one they called fat and ugly is suffering from an incurable disorder. There's no way that I stayed long with them, as soon as I get home, I cried my heart out.

I didn't know people could be so heartless and insensitive. I was proud to myself that despite their tactlessness I still managed to smile.

A million times crossed my mind, I should end up with the shame I have felt but I chose to stay still and get over what's inside my body. I know I am beautiful. The beauty we see on the outside is not superficial, it's important to see the beauty that lies within that make-up and porcelain skin. I may be called fat, short, or ugly, I am still beautiful. No one would ever look at me with love other than myself.

The most beautiful value I have ever learned from my experiences is the value of acceptance. Accepting yourself, not because you don't have a choice, but because you embrace your imperfections, and that makes me beautiful, just as I am.

Thank you @JonicaBradley for this opportunity.

For those who want to try this writing prompt, all you have to do is the following:

1. Write anything about Beauty

2. Write 100% original content

3. Write at least 600 words

4. Tag @JonicaBradley

5. Submit to PromptlyJonica Community

6. Have fun

Lead image from Google.

Fyangzee

xoxo