Beauty is beyond perfection

Hello everyone, I didn't know there could be something like this. A platform where I can say my thoughts.

I was always asked by many before, what do I like to become in the future? I always end up saying, "I want to become a teacher." Yes indeed, I become one. But, this isn't what I want. Even before when I was young, I always dream of becoming a beauty queen. I get envious of tall, pretty, and petite girls. They are the total reflection that I am not. I am short, chubby, and not pretty at all.

Recently, I watched Miss Universe 2020, and my unreachable ambition came back again. It's like a ghost, haunting me. There goes again the what if's. What if I'm tall? What if I'm fit? What if I'm pretty? Would I ever see myself on the big stage, flexing my curves and my beautiful face?

I am so full of insecurities. My friends never notice it, because I act like I am so confident. Little did they know, my heart is tightening and crying every time they wear crop tops, skirts, or shorts. I'm the one in a group of friends who's always on her oversized shirt and baggy pants. I still never make a sound of it.

There are times that they jokingly tease me by my insecurities but I am just showing them that I am so fine with it. I just laugh along with them but deep inside, I want them to stop because it's hurting me. It's as if like knives that stabbed me a million times and it keeps me realizing that I cannot become what I want to be because I'm so far from achieving it. It's quite depressing and tiring. Until I get tired of being insecure and doubtful of myself. I read articles about self-love and it helped me a lot.

Effortlessly, I learned to love myself. Though I feel insecure sometimes, I decided to accept myself. Who else will love me, other than myself right? I feel like I'm slowly glowing as I believe in self-love. I couldn't have the chance to get a crown, but I felt what happiness is. I found happiness within myself and I felt truly free. Free from depression and anxiety. Free of asking, why I was born like this? and free to feel that I am beautiful. Being happy doesn't mean having it all, simply being thankful for all the things that God has given me.

I have realized that beauty isn't something that they see. It's something when you know you are imperfect and you acknowledge it. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart. I may not qualify for their definition of what being beautiful is, for as long as I am happy with the things I do that I love, being content with what is around me and what I'm capable of, I feel like my head is carrying a crown that nobody could take away. It's something that could make my parents proud, knowing their efforts were not put into anything because of what I've become. There's still a long road to take and I'm going to take so much of my time loving myself. So what if others don't see you as pretty? We are all beautiful in our ways.