It's raining here right now as of writing this article and it brings back the memories I had in my childhood. It was unpleasant and saddening to remember.

Rain is both blessing and a curse, a blessing for farmers if it didn't rain for a long time and a curse when it rains too much. In our country, we only have two seasons the summer and rainy season because we are a tropical country. The month of June is the first month of the rainy season until December.

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Mostly when the rainy season comes mostly are not so happy especially on the lowlands because they will suffer from floods. Many had lost their loved ones and houses when the heavy rainfalls too long with strong winds, or they call it a storm or typhoon. Mostly we are facing this agony during December where the typhoon is strong enough to destroy houses and buildings, the season where we are supposed to enjoy Christmas and welcoming the new year. I'm not gonna tell you the story of the floods, storms, or typhoons in our country but my childhood memories.

Why did I use to cry in the rain?

When I was in grade school we live far away in the town where I have to walk a long distance from our house to our school. I was born to be on the poorest rank, so we cannot afford for fair to ride some vehicles in going school. I woke up early just to prepare and spare two hours for walking going to school so I will not be late like 4 AM.. too early for a kid.

I love schooling, despite that it's hard to wake up early and I have to walk long distances, I endure it because I am that eager to learn and want to finish my studies.

When the rainy season comes, I will be soaked in the rain going home. Sometimes if the rain starts falling when I am still at school I will leave things in the classroom, especially the books.

When it rains, it gets even harder for me, umbrella and raincoats cannot shield me from colds.

I used to cry in the rain because.

I am too tired walking like 2-3 kilometers, this is not a joke.. plus when the rain comes, I get soaked and it's very cold. Sometimes look at the sky asking “Why you have to make it even harder for me?” I am tired of walking plus I have to endure the muddy road and the colds.

I cried because why the universe keeps making things hard for me.

I used to cry in the rain because.

Sometimes, when it rains I got to cry heavily. I always got scoldings from home for invalid reasons. I have to walk long distances, yet when I arrive late my mom and stepfather scold me for getting home late. it's always like that and I walked slowly like a turtle ever since.

There's also a reason why I prefer to walk slowly, so I cannot be home so early to do house chores and have peace of mind because they always scold me. Walking alone gives me time for.. although it's exhausting, at least I cannot hear murmurings.

I used to cry in the rain because.

I always question the heavens why they allow me to live longer,.. you know before I've done so many stupid things just so I will die sooner. I've tried to walk slowly while crossing the road upon seeing a motorcycle approaching, I want to die in an accident but heaven forbid it, I was pretty sure that I walked slowly enough to be hit but, damn the motorcycle runs fast that it only hit me the tail part. I was hit enough to make me sit down. The driver said “Are you crazy? You wanna die?” I keep my silence and tears flow in my eyes, then the driver asks me if nothing serious. I just got bruises but I was fine. I wanted to die by accident but it's like some force is snatching me so I'll be saved. I even want to jump in the river but I didn't because I know how to swim, I'll look stupid if I do it. I just cannot bear cutting my pulse with a knife. I didn't do suicide from my own hands. I was asking heavens why not me who died rather than my little brother because my parents love him.. why not me? Nobody cares to me anyway.

I cried under the rain thinking that even death is trying to avoid me even if I keep chasing it.

I used to cry in the rain because.

Some of my classmates are bullies, I was naive and innocent back then, I don't know how to defend myself. I just let them bully me and I will cry alone.. enduring those bully moments. When it rains, I always remember sad things it's like the heavens are crying with me..at least sometimes I felt, someone up there feel the sadness and loneliness of my heart.

I used to cry in the rain because.

Nobody will notice that I cried. I prefer to cry without others noticing it because the more I cried the more I got bullied. Crying under the rain is not so obvious because of the raindrops.

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Closing Thoughts

That is why when it rains I felt a little bit sad, although I am already over those experiences, still my heart remember those sad memories.. some kids enjoyed playing under the rain, while me? I haven't played when I was a kid.. so it's a lonely memory.

I have read several articles/blogs about rains here, and this is mine. My rain story, rain that brought me sadness but sometimes serves as my camouflage, when I cried.

As always, thank you for reading!