Writing makes me feel bad and embarrassed

The 6th month of the year 2022 was end already. I think, while getting older, i realized that seconds, minutes, hours, and days as usual things that happening every month of the past years to us are not new already. We just keep living and keep doing the things even though, we are already tired and sick of it. Getting up, eat, work, sleep etc. And repeat. I am still thankful that i survived to every days but i think i am bored of living already. So, I just go with the flow if how was my days will happened to me as i am not that going out always.

Anyways, it's July first and 12 days to go and my birthday will come but i am not excited anymore. Tik-tok-tik-tok my clock of my phone is so fast that this day-the first day of July seems so fast and it's already 3:33 PM already. I feel like the time when i am just combing my hair while preparing to attend the recognation of cousin in the morning just happened a while ago.

Speaking of going to the recognation, I don't like to go actually. It's not important attending there but i don't have a choice since my Mom will scold me for not attending. Attending an occasions is just so boring to me because they keep saying their speeches and then, I will just watched them to call their names and wear their medals and taking pictures as if it's a good scenery.

To be honest, I am not that proud as an older cousin of my younger cousins. Being them having their honors, my feeling is it's not envious or jealous either because why would i? I am the one who answers their modules since the beginning of their first quarter and then teaching them during the last quarters. Even though, they have some honors but they didn't study well, their medals and titled are just useless.

What funny is, my Grandma was so proud of what her Grandchildren achieved this school year. Shes so proud that makes me laughed hard because she is good at looking at me being lowest but if I won't help her favorites on their modules, maybe, they will NEVER attend on recognation and receiving their fake medals. Lol

• Speaking of Honors, My Younger cousin was so proud of her top. There is this time that she is bragging her honor that she was top 5 and i should give her A treat because of it and i was like, "Duh! If i won't answer your modules, you will never be in that position. I will believed that you will have that title if you're the one who answer those d-mn modules! So stop bragging."

I am saying that while my grandma was listening. Let's see on the face to face classes if their Favorite grand children will be in the honor lists again since their class next school year will be face to face already.

By the way this is not our main topic for today. I just shared it this random story of mine yesterday night because that is so very funny. I let my Grandma listen to that because she is looking at down at me and i was surprised because she was quiet that time. Oh my, I'm so very talkative let us just jump in our next topic!

So for today's article. I will not share to you the total earnings that i accumulate last month. I will just start writing article about the 30 days challenge Day 30: Write about what do you feel when you write. To challenge, awake, and a warm up of my mind another reason is, i am curious if how i can discuss and if how can i describe my feeling while writing/publishing an article for a year now here.

Writing is not really a easy task for me. I just start writing or publishing an article here being a clueless person. My first impression of this micro-blogging site before is it's an famous article site where you will be a author of an article just like what you read on your social media account. So... I don't know how i will start publishing here but i won't learn if i will not read so reading here, reading there, reading everywhere until i got used of how the users do it. Until i became like this. I can tell that now, i am not the same author. It is so very far from how i published an article before and now. As you noticed,

Writing makes me feel excited

I remember last year, i am so very excited to published an article before. Sharing some random thoughts: writing stories, sharing my own opinions, ideas, etc. It's makes me excite because i want to know the emotions, thoughts, opinions, their comments and more importantly, their feedbacks of the topic that i shared to you.

Writing makes me feel that I have a safe own world

I don't care about the mean feedback of the people here in the house if i may look crazy because I laughed, talk to the air, and talk my replies to the comments of some users of my article while typing the words that i wanted to say and or the words that i wanted to convey to my readers.

So what if i look crazy? Their mean words about it is It's not important to me. What important is, being like that means i am showing my true self to the all of you here. I mean, how can i explain this? Writing or typing the words that i wanted to convey? Hmmm... I didn't think it first before i will type it. If what I wanted to convey, share to you, then that's it. It's coming from my natural mind. I will just think deeply if i need to remember some words that i forgot and some memories in the past. I don't use imagination either unless i am writing a story.

Writing/publishing makes me feel as if I am Talking with a friend

I am a type of person that i don't like going out. I get used of not talking what inside of my mind: if what i think or what i feel. To be honest, I have trust issues so, I prefer writing or let out all my thoughts here and my way of how i write is as if i am talking with a friend who was willing to listen to everything that i wanted to let out and It's makes me feel comfortable.

Writing makes me feel as if i learned a lot of things about my self

I don't know about myself. I just knew about me, about the things that i like, i don't like, what i wanted to do, what i don't want to do, my dreams, my goals, my plans, everything about me i just knew it by writing and answering some questions and prompt. Writing give me a lot of answers to the questions that i never knew before.

Writing makes me feel to show my different emotions

In the past, i never done this. Showing how happy I am, how I laughed, How I am in pain, How I am sad to something--everything...I never show it to other people. I just keep it on my self. I don't know where can i share the burden that i am feeling. I am so very thankful because, writing let me show and share all a lot of my emotions to other people and it's helping me not to let those keep inside of my heart.

It's fun tho. Because it's hard for us to be alone. We can able to show it and let out all the emotions that we want and we are free. Even though, sometimes,

Writing makes me feel bad and embarrassed

Writing about rants and problems here is making me feel bad and embarassed. Writing about your problems and rants in to your life is satisfying because you let out all those things that running inside of your mind, that there are some people reading those and you will lean on. However, you will realized it after that, that it is embarassing because it should be private. That you are so immature. That you use your problem to earn money and it's makes me feel bad.

Conclusion...

There are a roles of writing into our life. Maybe we can use it to study: Writing about lessons, assignments, activities, etc. But writing have this role to our lives to help us to write about the things that we wanted to say or convey to other people especially the special and important person to us.

And you know what? I am so very thankful because we can able to learn how to write because, sometimes we don't have a courage to tell it to other people what we want to to tell to them because i know that there are some many words- not only one but millions of words that we wanted to tell it to someone or other people.

As for me, writing here played the role and helped me those things above. Writing play the role of being my stairs or bridge to show and learned those things that i never done before.

So that is how i feel while writing. How about you? Thanks for reading! Let us start the Month of July with positivity.

My Previous Articles:

Welcome to my messy life: Traumatized, sleepless, and funny happening

Courting version: Do I still need to give you a way if how can you win my heart?

I bought my new dog's things that he need

My Short patience of teaching my younger cousin was paid off

My Plans for my Birthday was gone in just a second again