@Ellehcim 15 April 2023 more from that month

Here's how it actually felt when you finally let it off your chest. Journal notes - This was originally written last February 19, 2023. Thursday. I just had to remind myself of everything this very night. The feelings, the atmosphere, my internal screaming, silent chaos, and bit of relied pouring after. ****06:00 pm, work ends.**** Everyone was out of the office. I intentionally packed up a bit later, so it's only be her and I in the place. My whole body was (invisibly) shaking, brain's going on and off with *"Tell her now, tell her!"*, and *"Maybe next time, next time."* To heck with that, I just mindlessly walked near her and started talking in an overly soft, anxious tone, *"Ma'am, I'd have to open up to you about something."* . . . . . . *"I am planning to resign soon."* I noticed the immediate shift in her emotions from being curious to being alert and surprised, but I'm thankful she remained calm and collected, then proceeded on asking me **why**. I talked about not being so open with the idea of transferring to our new home office location in an industrial park in the other town, among others. Of course, she laid out solutions (shuttle, etc.) Then I also revealed about *"wanting to grow, trying new environment, actually taking the licensure exams"* and all. I knew that she really tried her best to (I could not think a better word for this) 'bargain' and also shared the plans to redo (upgrade) the organizational chart, where I'm supposed to be trained for a higher position once I got the license—just a gist of it. I know those offers are real good, nice, but not tempting to me, as I was fixed into leaving, and trying out something completely new. This moment was a big deal to me—a step towards my 2023 goals of breaking away from my comfort zone. This talk was really nerve-wracking for me—I've never ever formally talked about quitting ever! Let alone letting people I respect know I am leaving. It's a mixed emotions of being apologetic, nervous, thrilled, and being proud of myself, for, finally, being able to work out my thoughts to reality. I've always had in mind this plan to leave for many reasons, and now, I'm finally doing it My, it was a moment for me. I walked my way out still in a bit of daze—my mind was just all about *"I actually did... it? It's not a dream, is it? I finally did it! Yeah! O could not believe it!"* Traveling home, my kind was now actually blank, and I remember myself just staring into every possible empty space. Thanks to my autopilot mode, and God, I got home safe and sound. Bliss of relief eventually kicked in. Now, I just have to be ready with the formal processes, right? I am honestly so proud of myself for doing this. March 31 is my planned last day of working there. I'm gonna rest for the whole of April (a period where I'll try to binge-watch the paid lecture videos from a review app I enrolled to last year). I may not be able to take the May 2023 Licensure Examination for CPAs, but I promised myself to get the license THIS year. In Jesus' name. Yes, I still feel lost, getting the hang of it, like trying so hard to love the idea, or romanticizing ✨studying✨, hoping I can get there! All I know is, I am so grateful and proud to know I took a large step towards changing myself for the better. Here's to more brave steps towards self-improvement! Thank you, Lord! **pt. 1, END - To be continued -** That's it—For now. Well, if you guys are curious, as of today, April 15th, I am still working here. Yeah, I did extend. And to be honest, I am still thinking of further extending from the updated last day of April 30, to a later date. I had new, updated reasons. Valid, updated reasons. And nothing changes—I am still set to leave, just later than what I initially planned. I think it's not gonna be that bad to tweak some plans, right? Whatever final of the final decision I'm gonna go with, I'd let God help me. He knows what's best, and right now, in all honesty, I am still clueless of what's best for me. I am way lost, and I know I'm just trying hard to be on track with a path so obscure and unfamiliar to me. It's not wrong to keep asking God for directions, as I know He's always gonna be willing to assist me. I've strayed away from Him for quite a while, and I am just starting to build a genuine relationship with Him again. It sucks to know that I had to intentionally do that, even I am aware He's everything I need in my life. It seems like I am starting from level 1, but I'm gonna do my best to make things right now. I know talks about faith and beliefs ain't everyone's cup of tea, but I could not just go on about this blog without sharing the reason I stay sane and grateful despite tough times. We all have our own fortress, refuge, and for me, that's God. This is not that lengthy of a journal, but I hope I still made some sense, and I hope this somehow gave some comfort in a way. `Before I end this, let me just remind you that NO failure, not even your past can EVER dictate your worth. More than anything else, even you haven't done anything yet, you are already made worthy. You are still deserving of love and life. Keep that in mind. And if you still don't, I hope that you start loving yourself a little more today. If my hugs could reach you right now, I hope it'd warm your cold hearts and wipe your hidden tears.` `Here's to silent battles you're fighting, and inspiration you're unconsciously giving others! Be strong, Someone out there is sincerely, lovingly, rooting for you.` **Verse of the day: Psalms 91:15-16** Let's say hi again tomorrow, lovelies! **To God be the Glory.** https://read.cash/@Ellehcim/hello-2023-a7897428#to-god-be-the-glory ***What do you think about this article? Show some love! 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