Twenty minutes before 10:00. Clock is ticking, time continues running, and I hope my brain goes with it, too. Unfortunately though, it's not. While the hands of the clock have completed lots of laps already, my brain somehow froze.
An attempt to a free-writing to discipline my mind and train it to think of new ideas to write. Well, actually I am not running out of ideas. In fact, lots and countless ideas come by my mind every second, and these overwhelming flow of thoughts makes it harder for me to stick to a topic I'd be more comfortable to write about in a specific day.
How am I? I am still wide awake at this hour, honestly. I apologize to my system that I'd sleep later that my "strict" 10 pm sleep time. (Strict, my foot). First of all, I should publish something today, even it would be late. I don't want to regret of not posting when I know I can still squeeze some brain cells of mine. That's unproductive.
I am still elated about my 1BCH achievement yesterday. And I want to thank everyone who congratulated me. I am still not able to reply to some comments, but I'll make sure I do, when I have free time. Seriously, it's still seemed like yesterday when I am just one of those readers that got inspired by others' BCH success stories. Now, I got one to talk about. So, of course you can, too! Look at this potato, she made it. Just make sure to work as hard, or even harder than her, so you'll achieve your own goals sooner. Trust me, hardwork really makes a difference. I am rooting for you.
What am I doing? Writing this one. And thinking, again, of my insecurities. I can't still get rid of them all, but I am telling you I always try to. I still get a bit sad and unsatisfied whenever I look myself at the mirror. There are still times I wished I have what other person has. I still do feel these things from time to time. It's difficult, indeed. Trying to embrace myself when the other part of me is still hard on myself. It is hard but I know I am always trying. Why did I open up about this?
It is so easy to encourage others to love themselves. Or tell them to be confident. But when I do it to myself, for some reason, I struggle. I doubt. I don't feel as okay as I want. I think it's normal. Is it? I don't know, actually.
I heaved a sigh just know because the tingling bit of pain I feel is due to my own fault as well. My greatest enemy is myself. I must defeat it. Like I've said lots of times, I always try hard to overcome. I always try.
What happened today? Still the same old, a normal day at work. However, one of my workmates had an errand to go to this morning, so I went to the bank for her. It is to withdraw some petty cash replenishment. Something like that. Queue to the bank was long, and I had to wait for more than one hour. Not that inconvenient because there are at least chairs to sit on, and a tent that will cover us from heat of the sun in the middle of the day. Yeah, I was late for lunch because of this bank transaction.
Time was still worthwhile though, as I got to use the waiting time to catch up with roughly, thirty to fifty articles, I think. I managed to sweep off subscription notifications for articles they posted this day, until two two days ago. Now, the ones left in my notifs are articles from three days ago, or those recently posted tonight. Considering the large number of writers I am subscribed too, I guess this was a lot. I will power through binge-reading and interacting as much as I can when I get time.
A random sharing again. It is my first time ever experiencing inability to tip articles. I just shrugged it off because maybe it was just caused by slow internet earlier. Here's how it looks, though:
What do I expect tomorrow? A Friday, one of my favorite days of the week. I just prepared clothes to wear for tomorrow, and did some facial care routine, before writing this. I heard that in our location here, a strict community quarantine is to be effected tomorrow. So I expect another troublesome commuting because of lack of public transportation and stuff. I also expect a rainy day again, so I will surely bring my jacket (the new one I bought specifically, hehe).
I will give myself some break tomorrow and not tire my eyes that much. I will try to lighten my work, as I can always do the rest next week. There are job tasks that are not urgent and I am not forced to finish them anyway. I will just relax myself tomorrow.
What now? Ten minutes after 10 in the evening, and I already feel my eyes getting heavy. Mom just turned all the lights off and I switched my phone to night mode, so my eyes won't struggle with brightness. I will do some exercise before sleeping, in an attempt to get rid of some of these unwanted waist fat. I hate it when I get it. It may not sound good, but I don't really like when I'd have belly fat, though I have it in reality. I am not just comfortable with it. And it is one of my petty insecurities.
Someone take Youtube from me! Oh, well, I don't own Youtube in anyway, but man! When I open this app in my phone, I can't stop myself from watching! The homepage displays suggested videos that I watch. I start from one random clip, until I am directed to an endless black hole of stuff to watch, especially Kpop. I still watch these recommended video like a stupid, anyway. Urgh! Bad habits!
I can hear some kittens of the neighbor crying out this time of the night, and I wonder where their mother is? They are probably hungry for cying nonstop like that. Hopefully, someome would tend to them precious feline babies. The ones in our house are now really silent, surely sleeping.
I did not see Whitey today, intentionally. I am sorry, Whitey, my body is not feeling it today. I am happy I get to see this stray dog walk and even run a but from time to time. That's a remarkable achievement. Good night and sweet dreams, Whitey.
I don't want to wake up early tomorrow. What's new, though? I always am like this. One more day, and it's gonna be weekend.. Just a bit more, Elle. Just a bit more.
Wait, look at this:
From here, goodnight and pray everyone! Until next time.
Love,
Elle β¨
Lead Image from Unsplash
Hahahaha. Hindi ko pa din nacclear ang notifcations ko ngayon pero kahit papano may naoopen naman na ako. π