Ever felt Lonely? Same.

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Avatar for Ellehcim
3 years ago
Topics: Daily life, Sharing, Memory, Ideas, Rest, ...

There are days I feel that I am fighting alone. No one checks up on me. Whenever I asked for help, I always feel their reluctance to assist. It feels both embarrassing and disappointing. I regret asking, so I just do hit "Unsend" or "Delete Message".

This photo is mine.

Have you experienced that, too? Like thinking lots of times before sending a message to someone, then you'll regret it after, because you'd think, "Why did I expect? I know he/she doesn't care." It sucks. I know I am not a person who likes being around people. I prefer being alone, and yes, I also am not fond of frequent interactions, as those drain me quickly.

However, when I ask for help, I make sure that I am aware that I have been of help to that person previously. I don't like feeling indebted, or to appear like I am taking advantage of them. So, I always help others as much as I can. It is just saddening to know that when it's I who asks for help, they're showing no interest, or of they do, it's obviously forced. They are making it show. And whenever I realize this never-ending process, I can't help but feel miserable. I always feel that I don't deserve their help, maybe. Or they just really don't want me to be their friend. Because I am a boring person who does not like fun stuff, or whatever. I think a lot like that. And lastly, I really take it to heart, and remind myself to never ask for their help again.

When time comes that they need help again, I end up helping them again. I must be stupid. No, I indeed am. But I don't wanna think of it that way. I'd like to think that I know God sees whatever I do, and whatever I experience in return. With this mindset, I feel better. God is the "realest" bestfriend there is, my family is second to the list.

My mother has always been with me in everything. Whenever I think of it, it's she who worries the most when I got sick. It's she who looked for remedies, and cooked me healthy meals. It's she who never got tired of checking up on me. It's she who would scold me for getting annoyed at her constant worries, but still worry again afterwards. She never runs out of love and thoughtfulness, even I fail to be a good daughter oftentimes. She is not perfect, but her love is. Her love never failed.

Father rarely talks, but he works hard. He always takes action without complaining. He does not care about himself, as long as he could bring food to the table. Now that he is not working anymore, he is still a wonderful help in the house. He is so understanding and patient. I can't know how he feels all the time, because he is not expressive (I guess, I inherited that trait Lol), even he's facing difficulties. I am glad that he's more open now than before, especially when he got to know God more. He is an example of selflessness to me. I am always proud of him.

I am not kidding, I am getting a bit emotional again. Let me just change my position so they won't see me crying like a dumb woman while typing something. It does not help that my brother is playing a parent's love related song while washing the dishes right now. Have you heard of the Filipino song by SB19, "MAPA" ? It's actually a shortened combination of Mama and Papa. In our language, (Filipino), Mapa literally means "Map." It's beautifully represented how our parents are our Map, that gave direction to our lives.

I believe that even if you aren't a Filipino, you'll love this masterpiece. I've also watched some reaction videos of non-Filipino Youtubers, and I saw how they also got emotional. This song has a beautiful meaning. I hope you'll give it a listen, and tell me what you think of it.

I wonder how I could give back all of my parents' sacrifices for me. Well, I know I never will. No money could compensate all these years they raised us, all their blood, sweat, and tears that they had just to take care of us and give us a good life. We aren't a rich family, but we are plenty in love. I wonder how many times they secretly cried due to the difficulties in the way.

I won't exchange my mama and papa for anything in this world. To me, they are more precious than anything, that's for sure.

We have different people we treasure. To me, it's my family. To you, it may be a real friend, or a pet, or anyone else. There is no specific category, actually. We all respect that. Whoever they are in your life, I hope we'll get to show them our love and gratitude as much as we can. Time is both sweet and cruel. We don't know how long we are gonna be together, so I hope we'll all find ways to make every moment count, and not add anymore regrets.

Do not be like me. Just yesterday, I made mom cry because of my immature rants. I have opened about how I felt controlled by her sometimes. I had this misinterpretation that she always tells me what to do in some specific things, that I feel like I have no control in my life already. However, her words yesterday made me realize how she was doing everything out of love. I mean, what could she benefit from scolding me because I did not heat the water I should use for bath yesterday? Nothing. She was mad because she was worried, and she does not want me to get sick again.

Mom really does not gain anything from reminding us to take vitamins everyday, or telling us about not abusing phone use all the time, and her constant nagging for us to organize ourselves. In fact, she even gets stressed. When I start to think this way, I realize that I must have thought about myself all this time, not thinking of her side. I promise, that from now on, I will try to be more understanding and not cause much drama anymore. Whenever I hurt her, I also hurt myself, and it's actually doubled. Whenever I made her cry, I feel like a despicable person who is not grateful. So, I'll do my best to not do it again. I hope I will always remember it, if ever I won't understand her in the future.


I hope that this would be a reminder to everyone who reads this. Let us do our best to not hurt our parents and be more understanding. After all, it's being matured and selfless, and it prevents us from having regrets in the end. Let's hope that the last time we made our parents cry will really be the last, and we'll just always aim for their happiness from now on. They are not getting any younger, should we give them more heartbreaks? This is also for us, because I am telling you, it is not good to live in regrets.

One day, even if we don't like it, we'll just look back and evaluate ourselves, did I love mom and dad enough? Did I show them the appreciation they deserve? I hope the answer will be YES.

Oh well, it's not Mothers' or Fathers' or Parents' day right now. I still wrote this because I realized these things on the past two weeks of encountering some hard times. My family's the one who showed the most genuine love, and I am always grateful. Some friends of mine that I expected to at least greet me on my birthday did not actually message me. I have my family, I have read.cash, I have God.

After all, I am not really alone. From nkw on, I will try to pay more attention to people who sincerely likes me, than those who do not.

Until next time beloved darlings. Thanks for reading. ❤️

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Avatar for Ellehcim
3 years ago
Topics: Daily life, Sharing, Memory, Ideas, Rest, ...

Comments

Love your parents and understand them even if they don't noticed our good sides make it as an inspiration because someday they gonna notice it. Huwag mag rebelde sa kanila. Let's respect and love them because they are our parents. Para sa akin they are my shoulder to cry on kahit minsan may hindi pag iintindhan. Remember nasa huli ang pagsisi.

Hello writer Nice to meet you. God bless on your journey 🙂 Keep safe!

$ 0.03
3 years ago

On point lahat ng sinabi mo. I also learned from this mistake already. Sana di na maulit.

Nice to meet you too! Godspeed ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

My father is like that same with my grandfather ..they are tireless when ot comes to work ..to provide what we need and I'm thankful to that.. My mom always scold me whem I was a kid even now..pero nasanay nalang ako sa kaniya... that's right no matter what don't disrespect our parents .at all cost.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Parents are beautiful gifts to us. They deserve our love and respect.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I enjoy being alone. And it's hard for me to ask for help. A beautiful melody, although I didn't understand any of the lyrics.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

When you watch the video I attached, you can see there is English lyrics. 😄 Enjoy the song! Thanks for being here. <3

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I had listened to the song while I read your article. But now that I see the video, I see that the lyrics are translated. It's a beautiful song. :)

$ 0.05
3 years ago

I am glad you listened to it again. <3

$ 0.00
3 years ago

So I'm not only one who think and spent worst days being alone it hurts when we're fighting alone against everything and no one exist to support us and even one hug or just staying with us to listen our problems is enough at that moment

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes. I am happy I can soehow make you relate here. Thanks for reading. :))

$ 0.00
3 years ago

How Ironic. Was just feeling the same, sis. I do also love my solitude.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I am glad I am not the only one. Thanks for reading. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I do feel that. Worst feelings ever. People use you for their own benefits and one day show you that you are not worthy for them anymore. How ridiculous!

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes, they are so obvious LOL. They come into our lives for a reason. Hopefully, we learn our lesson. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Hope so

$ 0.00
3 years ago

You know, kaya mas prefer ko mag isa ee. Nasasanay ko yung sarili na ko na harapin ang mga problema ng ako lang. Mahirap syempre, walang mahingan ng tulong, walang mapag sabihan. Diko naman magawa sa parents ko kasi nakakahiya din. Mas gusto ko pang sinasarili ang problema kesa mang damay pa ng iba. At yon nga in the end ako lang ang meron ako. Sanayan nalang. Kinakausap ang sarili ng mag isa pero in that way naman nalalabas ko lahat ng kinikimkim ko. I'm ranting to my mind and cursing effective mandin. Gumagawa pa ako ng kwento sa utak ko para lang talaga ma divert ang atensyon ko sa ibang bagay.

Buti nalang talaga strong ako. Kaya ikaw, dapat kayanin mo rin. Wag mo masyadong sanayin ang self mo na nag rerely sa iba kasi sa huli ikaw lang din talaga ang madidisappoint. Fighting and love yourself more.

Anyways, nakita ko yang song na yan sa kay mommykim, I mean yang MAPA at nagustuhan ko talaga. Grabidad tagos ang lyrics ee. Bet ko din version ng SB19 with Ben & Ben 💙

$ 0.05
3 years ago

Salamat! Talagang natutunan ko nang magpakasolo hanggat kaya ko. Walang expectations, walang disappointment.

Anyway, feat. Ben & Ben din yung unang napanood ko eh. Nastuck talaga sa akin ever since. Ganda ng meaning. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Umiyak nanay ko dati nung bago lng ako nagwowork kasi nagbakasyon ako sa pangasinan then nawala ung phone na dala ko, akala nya tinataguan ko sya, sabi ng boarmate ko umalis daw nanay ko umiiyak taz nag-iwan ng sulat para sa akin, pero never na ung naulit.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Putik, nakakaiyak naman yan. Tulo sipon ka din nung nabasa mo siguro yung letter, ano? Naku pag si mama nag lo-long message sakin, nanlalambot talaga puso ko. Haha.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Oo taz nakasulat na naghihinakit sya kasi bakit daw need ko pa sya taguan basta ganun ang haba ng sulat at talagang may galit at tampo

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Naku, ilang araw din siguro nag isip ang mama mo. Labis talaga pag aalala nila sa atin, ano? Di mapapantayan.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Oo nga, kaso ang tagal din nung tampo nya sa akin

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Ang mahalaga bati na kayo ngayon. ♥️ Let's not waste the chance and make moments with our family worthwhile. 👌

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes, matagal na kming bati hehe, ndi nya rin ako natiis na dalawin sa boarding house ko

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Sana di ma maulit, ano? Buti bati na kayo. 👌

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Opo, ndi na naman naulit at ndi na mauulit uli

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Opo, ndi na naman naulit at ndi na mauulit uli

$ 0.00
3 years ago

It is a beautiful article and a beautiful song. Our parents took care of us and looked after us when we were children. They were there beside us always. In happy times and in troubles. They know what is good for us and we have to be grateful and thankful for that.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

You are right. Their love is real and can never be replaced.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I also experienced that one yung umiyak din nanay kasi nasagot ko sya. At after nun, may karma talaga dumating sakin. 🥺 Pinagsisihan ko yung araw na yun

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Oo, tsaka masakit din satin pag nakikita nting nasasaktan parents ntin, lalo pag tayo ang dahilan. Haynaku..

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Looks like we both have similar characteristics. I also like being alone and I don't like frequent interactions. I used to be a selfless person and will always help anyone, until I noticed they wouldn't do the same for me. These days I only help those I know will do the same for me, some people might call it selfish but I call it protecting myself.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Aww.. In the end, we'll get hurt because of unmet expectations. Keep real friends, and break away from ones that don't really care.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Exactly, quality is always better than quantity. Have friends that are reliable

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Agree with this!

$ 0.00
3 years ago

our parents will always be our parents no matter what so if we hurt them and realize our mistakes, we must humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness and try not to do it again...

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes. I agree with what you said. Just last night, I thanked her and apologized.. through chat. I could never tell her those words in person. LOL.

I feel better that we made up.

$ 0.00
3 years ago