How this month has been so far.

I've never been this inactive for so long, I don't even know what to say or type right now but in-between my inactivity on this platform, there are a few things that happened to me.

I can remember vividly on the first day of this month, I wrote about July and things that would be happening in this month. I wrote about July being the month of perfection.

• July is my birth month.

• July is the month of my exams.

• July is the month I'll sign out from the school I'm in...

• July also marked the month I became a five-month user on this platform.

I purposely skipped the part that the beginning of July was an intense and quite scary one for me. I was lashed with sadness and depression because I was just so uncertain as to what tomorrow held for me.

Those that would remember when I wrote about FOAH's "Fear of asking for help," would recall me writing about how school life had been so tough for me; especially during my first year.

I wasn't able to pay my school fees during the second semester of my first year, which automatically leads me into coming back for an extra year. I've resonated and seen it as my fate but what almost happened this month would have been a repetition of whatever happened in the past.

I would silently cry myself to sleep; begging and pleading to God; that I didn't want to come back for an extra year; attending two different semesters all over again.

On July 1st, I wrote myself a poem, it was a melancholic poem that was written with tears in my eyes:

Sad sad day

Tears are the only words I have to say

The pilled-up bills called today

Here I am, with empty bags and sacks,

but still, the deadline is rushing fast.

Would this be a repetition of what had happened in time past?

or do I still believe and cling unto faith?

hoping for the miracle at the eleventh hour.

Tears, swollen moist eyes.

Bitter sad heart

and yet the echo of debt keeps humming deadlines in my ears

Time has drawn near and too near now.

With empty hands...tell me...

do I still believe and cling unto faith?

or do I just give up and see it as another moment for my woes to triumph?

©Ellawrites16.01

July 1st, 2022.

I was sad, I cried my eyes out on that very day, so uncertain of what the morrow held for me. I already have the second semester in ND.1 to come back for, I didn't want the second semester in ND.3 to be added to my list of extra years; all because of the inability to pay my fees.

My friends were drooling over the sign-out party; what to wear, the hair to make, and the shoe to buy while I was drooling over how I would pay my fees. I had even vowed to switch off my phone on the day of my birthday all because of how depressing the beginning of July started for me; sadness engulfed my whole being.

That day was July 1st and exams were desperate to commence on July 12th, the school fees portal was slated for a closure on the night preceding the exam day. There was nothing, nothing to even start with. I was so scared and depressed.

All I could write during that period was melancholic poems, my heart couldn't fathom my woes.

But...

The 7th of July marked a very pleasant day of my life. I don't know but God miraculously provided myself and my brother's school fees.

On the 16th of July; which marked the day and month I was birthed, was made more special by God and the lovely people who took out time from their busy schedules to post and send some lovely and good wishes via writeups and voice notes. I was filled with unexplainable happiness and was happy I didn't go ahead with the initial plan I had about switching off my phone on my birthday.

I'm presently still writing my exams and would be signing out by God's grace on Friday; "July 22nd."

I was stuck with writer's block during all these days of depression. I couldn't bring myself to write an article, the only inspiration I got was from writing poems. These poems helped me to strengthen myself during these trying times.

Even though things are not that bloomy now, there are still some things to be thankful for:

• Life.

• Good health.

• And the fact that God provided money at the eleventh hour to help my brother and me in the payment of our school fees.

This is how my month has been so far, but I guess it'll only make my story sweeter and more relatable in the future when I'm narrating my story to the world or when I'm trying to motivate people who might be struggling with such situations in future.

I can't wait to be through with my exams and sign finally out of the first phase of my tertiary school journey.

Hopefully, after my exams, I'll resume fully back to this platform. I'm grateful to all my lovely sponsors, subscribers, commentators, readers, tippers, and those who thumbs up.

Till we meet again in my next article and yours.

Thanks for reading.