Crybaby.

I was at home today; thinking of what to write, when my mind slowly wandered back to "March 23rd, 2022." It was a Wednesday, here in Nigeria. I had finished my exams for that particular day, so the plan was to prepare for the next paper.

Here is the full gist:

My friends and I had slept in school during the whole period of our exams, to avoid the traffic jams on Lagos roads, meet up with our exam schedule and also prepare for it by burning candles at night. There was a place in the school; called "Chapel," where we usually kept our big bags(the bag, containing our clothes, brushes, pastes...) After our exams on that particular day, we strolled down to the Chapel to get our bags. On our way there. Esther and I got involved in a conversation.

At what age, does someone become a youth?

I bluntly said: once the person is matured and once the person is 18years, one could say the person is a youth. Esther had a different opinion concerning this, she was adamant on her own answer. She said "eighteen is still under teen, so as long as 'teen' is there, one is still a teenager."

Esther's view on this was: teenage years starts from the age of 13 and ends at the age of 19, while being a youth starts from the age of 20.

I would love to hear your view; regarding this, in the comment section.

That was how the argument erupted. I wasn't willing to surrender and she wasn't willing to as well. We decided to surf the internet for a verified and impartial answer. My first search showed that youth years starts from the age of 18 and ends at 25. Esther was mute at first but still didn't surrender. She asked me to surf for: "what's the range of teenage years." I surfed this and Google brought this out: "13 - 19." Oh! You bet Esther was overjoyed right now. She started claiming rights and insinuating that "how can I say being a youth starts from the age of 18?." And then I told her about what Google brought out initially. She ended up claiming that it was wrong. That it was the second answer Google gave; that was right. This pissed me off to a certain level. I said:

Me: So, because the second answer corresponds to your thoughts and imagination, that's why you want to out rule the first.

Esther: leave it, Google was wrong in the first answer, how can you say youth years starts from the age of 18. Ahan, eighTEEN

Honestly, you should have seen us arguing that day in the school premises. Students; who were passing by must have been wondering what was wrong with us and why we were lashing out at eachother. Joyce could not even control us. Esther was claiming that I was always proving the most intelligent, saying I don't want to accept my wrongs. I also thought the same of her. I was also trying to explain to Joyce about how Esther made me flare up. Joyce wasn't ready to listen or take sides, she just wanted us to settle our disputes and this got me upset with her also.

Joyce: You people should stop this, you are friends for crying out loud, you people would still bath together tomorrow morning, why are you acting this way? This was a discussion, why are you guys arguing about it.

Me: (in rage) Esther is not my friend abeg ooh.

Esther: Joyce, leave this one alone, it's childishness that's doing her, let's go abeg, after all we were together before she came to meet us. You're the one that caused this thing. You should never had allowed her to be our friend. (Dragging Joyce's hand to the classroom).

I made those sentences in the last paragraph; bold, because that was what triggered my emotions. That last sentence got me so, so, so sad and taken aback. I couldn't control it. There and then, I made up my mind to never again talk to Esther and Joyce. When I got to the classroom, I laid down in a completely different seat. I didn't stay close to them like I would have; if we were in good terms.

• I cried, I cried, I cried.

• That kind of tears that makes the eyes really red and swollen,

• That kind of tears that brings out catarrh from your nostril,

• That kind of tears that you can't stop easily. It keeps coming back and coming back when you try talking or explaining the cause of your tears to someone.

• That kind of tears that gives you headache thereafter,

• That kind of tears that makes you feel dizzy... I cried.

Little wonder why I was actually crying. I guess it's just my nature. Anyways to summarize it all. We've settled though, we settled that day when a course mate of ours (Kingsley) intervened. Even when I was trying to explain my side of the story. I still cried. I could recall Esther asking Kingsley and Joyce: Why is she now crying?, what's making her cry? Was she not the one that first said I wasn't her friend?.

Not just on that day, but on so many other days. That's why I find it so hard to physically talk to people about my hurts or what they did that really got me sad. Some of my course mates have known me for this. Infact; they call me crybaby especially because they know I can't control it once it starts.

I've seen this as a weakness. It is so embarrassing, mostly because I am meant to have outgrown this. This is just the main reason why I don't like voicing out in public, the reason why; if you do something wrong to me. I won't say anything, but I'll wait till I get home, login on Facebook, or come active on WhatsApp to voice out my thoughts and feelings in words and through the media. I get so easily drawn to tears and it's really annoying.

Please if you have any advice on how this can stop. I'll be really grateful.

I could recall a day I went for an ushering job. My boss; who was pregnant at that time, was wrongly accused of taking something that belongs to the caterer of that particular event. She was shouted at by the caterer and was insulted. I definitely wasn't happy or pleased about this. Apart from the fact that I knew my boss didn't take it, My boss was also someone I held so dearly in highesteem. I resolved in my mind to politely talk to the caterer and cajole her to render an apology to my boss for wrong or false accusation.

I rehearsed calmly; what I had to say to her and boldly went over to where she stood.

But guess what?.

Before I was even half away into my speech. I started crying. Now instead of me to do the talking. She was the one; doing the petting. I wasn't happy about this for one bit. The more I tried to talk, the more the tears came in jubilating. I was doing great at first until I looked into the caterer's eyes, that was when the tears had started.

What I hated about this day is that, the tears didn't allow me say all what I rehearsed to say to her. Fine; she grasped and understood. She actually apologized at the end of it all, but I still wasn't pleased. I felt I had made a fool of myself once more in public. To the view of everyone present at that particular point in time.

I was down, unhappy and sad.

• I cry when I'm angry.

• I cry when I'm sad

• I cry when I'm hurt

• I cry when I try to talk or explain my hurt to someone.

• I cry when I feel like. (Lol)

• I cry when I watch a painful part in a movie.

• I cry when I remember a bad occurrence that made me cry.

• I cry when people don't understand me.

• I cry when I'm being shouted at.

• I cry, I cry, I can't almost all the time.

Why do I always cry?

It's so annoying... Really.

I have so many more instances and occurrences, but I'll stop here.

Thanks for reading.